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Talk:Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewing

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Reviewer: Judgesurreal777 (talk · contribs) 20:45, 14 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Lets Begin

[edit]
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
Ok let’s get to it!

The Review

[edit]
  • INTRO SECTION
  • level cap should be wikilinked.
    • Done
  • In “Gameplay”, This paragraph needs some work. “First, many underused or redundant abilities were combined in order to reduce the number of buttons needed to play each class effectively. Second, the cross-class system was replaced with a more general cross-role system that ensures that players have all the tools they need even with just one class leveled. Finally, all classes gained a "Job Gauge" that displays all class-relevant information in a more visible and engaging way.” Who said this? And what was underused, and what does the second sentence mean? And who says it’s more visible and “engaging”, that sounds opiniony. In general, I know these articles need “summary style, but we could use just a bit of specifics with this.
  • goblin should be wiki linked I think
    • Done
  • ”including Final Fantasy XI among others.” I think it should be “and others” or something different, it sounds wrong.
    • Done
  • what’s a magia board?
    • Magia Board > elemental wheel
  • ”to overcome it” overcome what?
  • PLOT SECTION
  • “Instead, he built his namesake Wall“ instead of what?
  • ”bided his time.” For what?
  • ”army of dragons” whose dragons?
    • Midgardsormr, but ultimately not relevant to this story. I'd rather not have to explain who Midgardsormr is since he doesn't come back up. The dragons are only mentioned to give a reason for why he didn't continue invading. Axem Titanium (talk) 01:55, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • ”His bloodlust drives” - should probably say his name.
    • Done
  • ”on a previous campaign” -I would like a wiki link here to the expansion or the original game, wherever this plot point happens.
  • ”Doma is based on the cultures of ancient China and Japan.[11] The Azim Steppe, which lies to the north of Doma, is the home of countless tribes of nomadic Au Ra. The tribes hold an annual Naadam to determine which one will serve as ruler of the steppe for the year, based on the Mongolian festival of the same name.[11] The island nation of Hingashi lies across the Ruby Sea from Doma. An isolationist nation, Hingashi has only opened the port of Kugane to foreign trade, and does not otherwise involve itself with international affairs. Hingashi and Kugane are pastiches of Edo-era Japan and Nagasaki, respectively.[11] - Who says they are based on these things? Developers hopefully? Reviewers? Best to say.
    • Yes developers. It's cited to an interview with the devs. I just replaced the link since it was broken. I added a mention of devs once. Since they're all cited to the same source, hopefully it's clear that it applies to all of them. Axem Titanium (talk) 01:55, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • “This prompts his partner, an Ala Mhigan orphan” - partner, what kind? Romantic? Adventuring? Both?
    • partner > traveling companion
  • STORY SECTION
  • “warrior of light” is that still the player?
    • Yes, so I don't have to repeat "the player" a million times. I call out "The player's character—an adventurer hailed as a Warrior of Light" earlier in order to establish that player, adventurer, and Warrior of Light are all the same thing. It also allows me to avoid using gendered pronouns and not have to give a name, since it's chosen by the player. This convention is used across all FFXIV plot sections. Axem Titanium (talk) 01:55, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • ” The Scions accompany the Warrior of Light to the Far East.” - warrior of light again
    • See above.
  • ”He plans to win the upcoming Naadam” the what?
  • ” By passing the trials of Bardam's Mettle” - the what?
  • ” The adventurer succeeds in bringing the Mol tribe” -who is the adventurer, is that the player as well?
    • See above.
  • ”Blue Kojin” - I might have missed this, but who is he?
  • ”Along with the Steppe tribes, this force has the strength to assault Doma Castle.” - this is a statement, do the characters believe this? It should say so if so.
  • ”the adventurer for a time” - gotta straighten out all these “warriors of light”, adventurers” should probably all just be “the player”
    • See above.
  • ”The Warrior of Light” again, keep it consistent
    • See above.
  • ”punches through” punches through what?
    • Reworded.
  • what is a “primal”?
  • ”At the top of the palace, he” - he who? Be specific
    • Zenos. Done.
  • ”He uses the artificial Echo to fuse with it and resume their contest.” - I don’t know what this sentence means.
    • I explain the Echo a bit more
  • ”An Ananta faction” - who are they now?
  • ”The adventurer recognizes him as Gaius van Baelsar” - Adventurer again
    • See above.
  • ”The Warrior of Light manages to drive” - warrior of light again
    • See above.
  • DEVELOPMENT SECTION
  • ”Proper development began in October 2016” -Propers not a good work, probably should be “full”
    • Done.
  • ”made the seas a focus of this expansion, including swimming gameplay.” should probably be “and included”
    • Done.
  • ”which took place in October.” - should probably be “October of that year”
    • Done
  • ”Story and level skip items” - should be Story skip and level skip and be in quotes
    • Done
  • ”another major critique of the game” what was the critique? How was it fixed?
  • ”The changes are aimed” should be were, it happened before the game came out right?
    • Done
  • ” All jobs gained dedicated PvP actions that are balanced separately from the rest of the game.” Might want to explain this a little more, balancing, or a least wiki linking to something.
    • Done
  • “ The changes are aimed at paring down the clutter to produce a smoother experience.” What about it was cluttered? How did this fix it?
    • Done
  • “Zodiac Brave Story” should be wiki linked so people can read up on this subject.
    • Done
  • “with previous Ivalice games could still enjoy it.” should probably be “previous Final Fantasy games set in Ivalice” and then wikilink Ivalice.
    • Done
  • “consists of a boss trial against Rathalos in Stormblood” - what is a boss trial?
    • Done
  • ”The Final Fantasy XV collaboration was also long in the making.” Should probably make clear this was a final fantasy XIV and XV collaboration, not another monster hunter one.
    • Done
  • ” title's version of Garuda” - what or who is Garuda? I’d also wikilink mounts.
  • “ Support for PlayStation 3 ended with the release of Stormblood early access.” perhaps wiki link PlayStation 3 and early access.
    • Done
  • ” as the older console had” - older than what?
    • Fixed
  • PATCHES SECTION
  • Omega - who is this? How did it get in a fight with this other monster?
  • three more ”Warrior of light”s
    • See above.
  • “ player housing in Kugane” remind me, is that a city?
  • ”Eureka Pyros” and “Eureka Pagos” are mentioned, what are they?
    • Done
  • ”this patch brings the Scions to the brink before Shadowbringers” - this needs to be rewritten, don’t know what it means
  • "The Return to Ivalice concludes” - should probably be “The Return to Ivalice storyline concludes”
    • Done
  • ” With all Four Lords restored” - restored how, are the calmed?
    • Done
  • ”Other features of this update include a new "Limited" job” - what is a “limited” job?
    • Done
  • MUSIC SECTION
  • ”Nobuo Uematsu composed two vocal tracks, "Stormblood" and "Revolutions", the former a collaboration with Soken and the latter of which serves as the main theme for the game.” - should be “the former being a collaboration with Soken and the later serving as...”
    • Switch to semicolon.
  • ”such as the Yanxia theme which had only harp and kokyū.” - wikilink harp
    • Done
  • ” a code for an exclusive "Wind-up Tsukuyomi" - what is a Tsukuyomi?
  • ” the diverse music in the soundtrack.” - probably should be “found in the soundtrack”
    • Done
  • RECEPTION SECTION
  • ” Stormblood continued the positive trend set by Heavensward, with many reviewers calling it even stronger than its predecessor.” - “it” should be “the game” for clarity
    • Done
  • USGamer, Kotaku, all these publishers should be italicized and linked where there is an article.
    • Done
  • ”In contrast, Mike Fahey of Kotaku” - it’s not totally in contrast to what was previously said, say another word
    • Done
  • ”the nature of war and colonialism for particular praise“ - if you’re going to link “colonialism”, should probably link “war” too
    • Done
  • ”of GamesRadar+, looked to the well-written villains as a boon for the story.” Needs rewriting, perhaps “of Games Radar+ noted that the excellent writing for the villains were a boon to the story”.
    • Done
  • ”Other aspects of the game's pacing were more mixed.” Needs to be something like “received a more mixed reception”
    • Done
  • “although most critics agreed that they were still lacking” - they needs to be swapped, perhaps “most critics agreed the new side quests were still lacking”
    • Done
  • ”As a result, Prell felt the balance of the level grind between story missions was off” - I think it should start with “Because of this, ...”
    • Done
  • ”On the other hand, reviewers recommended players to avoid the paid story and level skip items in favor of playing the story for themselves.” - Definitely need “paid story items” and “level skip items” to be put in quotes for clarity.
    • Done
  • ”The various aspects of the gameplay and battle system“ - Should probably be just “Various aspects...”
    • Done
  • ” took time to extol the improvements to PvP” - say player vs player or at least wikilink it
    • Done
  • ”in the wild plains of Mongolia-inspired Azim Steppe.” - there should be a “the” before Mongolia
    • Done
  • ”Conversely, reception for the addition of swimming gameplay was less enthusiastic.” - Probably don’t need conversely
    • Done
  • ”Finally, it won "Best MMO" from Massively OP in the 2018 season.” - I’d just say “The game won “Best MMO”...”
    • Done

OK, So that’s the prose! Lots of little things. As I said on your talk page, I think we should also see a picture players fighting Zenos, perhaps with a Primal in the picture if possible. Even after all these words, I still can’t quite picture what some of these things are supposed to be. And in general the notes I gave are all about writing the article for an audience that never heard of FFXIV and has no idea about the who, what or why of any of this or what happened in previous games, so we have to make sure they can at least tag along. :) If you have any questions let me know! Judgesurreal777 (talk) 00:10, 15 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. Will get to this later today I think. Axem Titanium (talk) 23:37, 14 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Sure thing! Review is done @Axem Titanium: :) Judgesurreal777 (talk) 00:12, 15 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Finished @Judgesurreal777: Thanks for the review. Axem Titanium (talk) 01:55, 16 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Great work! For Featured status, keep massaging the text, make it even clearer for everyone who and what is going on, and add more development and inspiration material about the developers as it becomes available. And let’s get a GA of Shadowbringers up! :) @Axem Titanium:
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