Talk:Fez (video game)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: PresN (talk · contribs) 21:11, 18 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Starting the review, will be up shortly. --Pres N 21:11, 18 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Broken up into sections. I've played the game before, and watched Indie Game. Sorry for the sarcasm, it's meant to be tongue in cheek.

Lead

The first cite is fine, since its a direct quote, but you shouldn't have cites 3-5 in there- that sentence is a summary of something that's cited in the development section.
"Indie Game: The Movie,[5] which followed the game's final stages of development and Polytron's related legal issues" - makes it sound like the movie was just about Fez, reword to make it clear it was just one (major) part of the movie.

Gameplay

Oh, you and your player-characters.
"The power lets the player rotate" - what power? The power of the Fez?
"As a platform game, Gomez jumps between 2D ledges" - Gomez is a platform game?
"There are two different cubes[8] that count towards the 32 cube threshold" - two different types of cubes?

Development

"They worked well together.[7]" - this sentence is jarring. The two felt that they worked well together, maybe?
"and offered to treat Polytron as part of their company in exchange for a portion of Fez's earnings and Polytron could keep the intellectual property rights" - run-on sentence with that "and Polytron" bit, please revise
"Fish describes the game's changes" - tense shift, "Fish described" fits the rest of the section, though I'd prefer if all of it was in the vein of "Fish has described"

Indie Game: The Movie

I'm almost wondering if this whole dev section could be spun off into a "Development of Fez" subarticle. It's kind of long.
Actually, this section title is bad. Only the first paragraph of 5.5 paragraphs is about the movie. Maybe "Indie Game: The Movie and release" or just "release"
The last two sentences of para 3 use the same ref, so you don't need to list it twice.

Music

What's up with the floating sentence-paragraph?
You list the soundtrack name in the tracklist as "Fez Original Soundtrack", but it should be "Fez Original Soundtrack", or "Fez OST".

Reception

It's not a problem at the GA level, but the way each section is presented- "Reviewer a said x. Reviewer b said y. Reviewer c said z." without any narrative flow is really, really choppy, and you'd get dinged for it at FAC.
You have a topic sentence for paragraphs 3 and 4, but not 2.

References

Yay for archives!
One smooth-looking section all around, no issues.

Media

Mostly free, just a gameplay example shot. Nice job on the free media.

Misc.

About half of the wikilinks are redirects, which isn't wrong, per se, just prone to double-redirects.

Alright! Not that much to do, it's a really solid article. Putting it on hold for a bit. I will say that if you decide to go to FAC with it you'll want to get a copy-edit first, for flow moreso than grammar, or you'll get one of those monolith prose reviews that drag down a nomination. --Pres N 21:58, 18 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@PresN: I appreciate the review. I'll have more time to address this next weekend, if that's all right with you? czar ♔ 03:20, 20 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

That's fine, whenever you're free. --Pres N 04:45, 20 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@PresN, do you have any ideas for what else I can cut from Development now that I split it off? Just the more minor details or can whole paragraphs go? It's hard because I originally wrote it using the information I thought was most interesting for the main article czar ♔ 22:11, 22 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@PresN, all right—I think I've addressed everything. Ready to take a look? Some notes:

The mentioned cites were there per the last ¶ of WP:LEADCITE:
Some material, including direct quotations and contentious material about living persons, must be provided with an inline citation every time it is mentioned, regardless of the level of generality or the location of the statement.
Yes, Gomez is a platform game. A platform game within a platform game.
The floating sentence-paragraph in music was meant to be expanded later. It's also kind of cute, no? Little paragraph about Chopin in the grand Fez morass?
I thought the NYT intro to Reception ¶2 functioned as a topic sentence.

czar ♔ 22:36, 29 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, I think I'm happy with it. GA: get! --Pres N 00:09, 30 June 2014 (UTC)[reply]