Talk:Fawziyya Abu Khalid

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Hi Jenn,

I think you have a nice base that you can build from for the remainder of the article. I know from reading your article that she stands for the struggles of Arab women in today’s society and other human rights issues. I really like that you have used hyperlinks throughout the article to really make it “stick.” Also, I can clearly see the path she took for her education and where she received each degree. At this point, I think the organization and clarity of you writing is great, but there are definitely some things that you can work on and expand.

I suggest that you split up education and early life so that you can expand on each topic. This also splits up two phases of her life early life and entering adult life, which leads to more distinction and clearer organization. I definitely think you can build on her childhood more and other experiences that influenced her writing before she entered college. A lot of writers who I have researched prior to this assignment have their influences rooted to when they were in their early teens.

Another category that I would include is a list of her works. Having a list of writings in the article can be used to show the work she has done, which can build on her notability. Speaking of notability, it is important to demonstrate the notability by showing rather than telling. Instead of saying that “she is notable for being a modern poet,” you can remove that phrase and allow the article to implicitly make that argument.

Finally, I think that you can build on some ambiguous points and clarify a few areas. You can definitely expand on her critical reception. As a reader, I accept that she was received not favorably in some areas, but it does not provide enough contexts. It would be better if you could point out a clear incident that demonstrated this animosity that some had towards her. Along the same lines of specificity, it is important to address what in her prose poetry is biting and raw. Does she reveal the imperfections and unjust of Saudi Arabian society or did she challenge social norms and traditions? Another instance that needs more development in in the second paragraph of the literary works section.

“What in her poetry makes her traditionally an Arab, what separates her from male Arab poets, and what gives her speaker identity as both a woman.”

In this phrase you need to point out specific details of her uniqueness to male Arab poets. Also the phrase “both a woman” is not complete. She is both a woman and what else?

I would say this is a great start, so amazing job and good luck with the rest.

Best, Richard

(Analysis 2)

Hi Jenn,

I see that you have made some edits toward your article and has taken some of my suggestions. I will reiterate that the article definitely does a great job at highlighting the essential information concerning the author, and I think it allows the reader to get a very basic gist of her life.

There is definitely still areas that you could work on. As I mentioned before, there are areas that are unclear and I still see some areas that you could add and develop more. Once again concerning the biting and raw writing. I am still confused as to what is raw and biting about it. If possible, you could try to demonstrate this writing with an example of a passage.

I like that you included a works section of all her writing, but I am a little confused by it. I know you mentioned that she only published 3 novels, so if you could make a distinction between the novels and other types of her writing, that would add to the clarity and specificity of her writing.

And of course, these information may not even exist in any sources so I understand that you may not be able to fill in some of these gaps. I realized over the course of my research on Layla al-Uthman that there are information that you simply cannot find even if you really dig. There are sources that may provide the information, but there is a language barrier there.

Overall, you have made great improvements. Good luck on the rest of the article.

Best, Richard ChenRichyrich1 (talk) 04:07, 15 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Jenn,

I think you have a very good outline for your article. I really like the rectangle on the right of the page with facts about the author. I think this combined with the one-sentence summary at the top of the page is very clear and they both give a quick glance at who this page is about. I think all of the hyperlinks in your article with definitely make it stick and make the author seem more notable. In the Literary Work category, I really like how you discussed her style of prose and brought to life her writing to the readers.

I think there are a few things you could improve on. I think you should split up Early Life and Education if you have some more information to expand on both. Under the current Early Life and Education, remember to look at the timeline and make sure that you put that she started writing as a young child before you talk about what she is doing now and where she got her PhD from. In the next category, Career, you repeat that she is a professor at Kind Saud University. I think it should only be in the career section and not in the Early Life/Education category.

In Critical Reception, I think you could expand on how she was attacked and how she reacted to these attacks, especially if this influenced her writing or how people treated her. I also think it would be beneficial to included a list of her works with a short summary of each. This would show the reader more specifics about her writing and highlight the influence of her writing as well as her notability/

I think you have a really good start to your article and a lot of very interesting information that can be organized more efficiently to be better understood. Good job!

Best, Vivian — Preceding unsigned comment added by Tvy568 (talk • contribs) 17:44, 7 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

(Peer Edit 2) Hi Jenn,

I think you have made many very good improvements to your Wikipedia page. I like how you split up Early Life and Education to make it easier for the reader to understand. I also think that the Press Coverage section is very strong and makes a powerful link between her and the influence she has had on the world. It is clear that people are paying attention to her and that her acts of rebellion are not going unnoticed.

In the Works section, I think it is important to include maybe a sentence or two about her most important works to tie her work into her influence. I also think that the Islamic Law section can be expanded and a little more background can be given about Islamic Law.

Overall, I think that your article is very well organized and will be easily understood by those who are trying to get to know the author better. Good job!

Vivian — Preceding unsigned comment added by Tvy568 (talk • contribs) 01:58, 15 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]