Talk:Fandi Ahmad/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Resolute (talk · contribs) 01:31, 30 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

General

No images present
Sources look okay
- AGF on close paraphrasing as nearly all sources are offline

Newspaper cites such as The Sunday Times and The Straits Times should be italicized per the WP:MOS.
Noted, doing Give me some time. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 15:59, 31 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done What a chore. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 03:04, 1 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Inconsistent use of dashes. Please ensure that all scores use en-dashes. (edit: Nevermind. There was only one such instance, which I have fixed)
I corrected several small grammatical and spelling errors. It wouldn't hurt for you to take another pass through yourself to check for any more issues.

Club career

"helped them successfully defend their Galatama League title and was the third-highest scorer in the Galatama League with 13 goals." - I think you can strike the second mention of Galatama League. It is obvious what league he was the scoring leader in by the first mention.
Done Thanks for spotting that! --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 15:59, 31 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"After a third season at Kuala Lumpur FA, in which it won a third consecutive Malaysia Cup, Fandi signed a two-year contract with Greek club OFI Crete in 1990, but problems with his International Transfer Certificate prevented him from playing for that side, so he left Greece after two months." - run-on sentence. Please reword, possibly breaking into two sentences.
Done, please check that I did it correctly. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 15:59, 31 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good now, thanks. Reso lute 17:29, 31 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Can you add some context to his becoming the first Singaporean millionaire sportsperson? Does this refer to career earnings, total net worth or that he signed contract worth a million of some currency? Also, please specify the currency.
Clarification Career earnings in Singapore dollars (as of 1992, not adjusted for inflation). Where and how should I provide such context? --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 15:59, 31 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I would probably word it pretty much as you have here. Replace "first millionaire" in the article body with "first player to earn one million Singaporean dollars for his career" or something similar, perhaps? Reso lute 17:27, 31 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done, please check the sentence for language errors. --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 03:04, 1 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Overall

Looking really good. Just some MOS issues to clean up with the references, and a clarification for his being a millionaire required. As such, I am placing the nomination on hold. Reso lute 01:31, 30 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good now. Congrats on the GA. I'm always happy to see a nation's sporting legends get the quality articles they deserve. Regards, Reso lute 04:15, 1 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. I hope reading this inspires you to help counter systemic bias, for example, by writing about the sporting legends of Asian/African countries (or even disability organisations, such as Pathlight School and MINDS). --J.L.W.S. The Special One (talk) 04:25, 1 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]