Talk:Fame Kills: Starring Kanye West and Lady Gaga/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Spiceitup08 (talk · contribs) 21:58, 26 September 2011 (UTC) Will start soon :) --FeuDeJoie (talk) 21:58, 26 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"was a planned co-headlining concert tour by American rapper Kanye West and American pop singer Lady Gaga", I think it should say "is a cancelled", it makes it sound as if it did go ahead.

It says the tour was canceled a few sentences afterward. No need in unnecessary repetition. –Chase (talk / contribs) 04:02, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

pop singer Lady Gaga (full stop).
Start new sentence, the tour was in support... blahblahblah
Link that sentence with the next.
The goal of the artists was to produce a groundbreaking show that united their different musical audiences. - Maybe try something like "the pair conceived to produce a show to unite their different musical audiences".
November 2009 and to end in...
With the Taylor Swift link, you need a link to her name and the incident.
I'll leave you with this until tomorrow, but I will just note that the article has no pictures of either of them and I think that is vital for identification... Maybe a picture of Gaga in the Monster Ball, it would give an idea of some of the commentary.--FeuDeJoie (talk) 22:05, 26 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Addressed everything else. –Chase (talk / contribs) 04:02, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Background

West appeared on American talk show...

Done –Chase (talk / contribs) 21:32, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

announcing plans to tour with Lady Gaga.

Done –Chase (talk / contribs) 21:32, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Link the next sentence, with "explaining that Gaga...

Done –Chase (talk / contribs) 21:32, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Merge the next also, opening act stating "She's...

Not done, would make the sentence a run-on. –Chase (talk / contribs) 21:32, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Merge quotes, remove "he said"

Not done, not proper grammar –Chase (talk / contribs) 21:32, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

in touring history", before...

Not done. Unrelated ideas cannot be housed in the same sentence. –Chase (talk / contribs) 21:32, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

with Out magazine, "my music"

Done –Chase (talk / contribs) 21:32, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Development

Honestly I've noted this throughout, there is a lot of short sentences, you need to merge a lot of them such as "traverse", whilst sentences starting with sentences are acceptable, they are not deemed so by literary students of which I am, and my teacher would agree.

Changed where appropriate.

Before I continue, please merge some sentences, it reads a bit blocky, and a few things more;
No picture of West.
Done. –Chase (talk / contribs) 21:32, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The 50 Cent thing, how is this about the development?
It's not. Removed. –Chase (talk / contribs) 21:32, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The trailer also has less to do with development, than it does for the background section.
Background would be the beginnings of the tour, it's not exactly appropriate for that section. It's been split off into a new section. –Chase (talk / contribs) 21:32, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

There are other issues, but for now i'll leave you with that!

--FeuDeJoie (talk) 16:40, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Continued

Development section looks better. No real issues.
The Promotional video section is just one sentence, I don't think it should be in its own section, I think maybe if you think putting into the Background section isn't appropriate, then merging into a paragraph in the Development section would be better!

There's no related paragraph to connect it to. I'll add it back to the Development section, but seeing as it is three sentences, it can stand on its own as a short paragraph –Chase (talk / contribs) 22:47, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"All tour dates were canceled." I do think that you need to cite this.

Done –Chase (talk / contribs) 22:47, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The captions underneath each image would suit better for a double-image, like those featured on The Monster Ball Tour page, but that really is up to you.-FeuDeJoie (talk) 21:45, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I don't think it's necessary –Chase (talk / contribs) 22:47, 27 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Continued

Sorry for the wait!
I thought I'd read somewhere that Gaga used part of the staging for the Monster Ball? If you can find a source, then thats a good bit of info.

Cancellation

Put "win" before (for the song...)
Also take out of brackets.
I don't think you need (VMA) in brackets
deserved the award instead put before for the song, and take out of brackets.
and fans alike.
after the tour dates
Following the cancellation of the tour, Gaga began her 2009–11 The Monster Ball Tour (which was scheduled to begin in March 2010 prior to the cancellation of Fame Kills)[4] in November 2009 ---- Again with the brackets, revise the sentence without them, it is useful information and shouldn't be secondary and placed in brackets.

Overall Think that is all, it is a pretty good but short article. Try and get more info if you can, whether you can maybe difficult. But I'll place it on hold for the next week, if you want anymore time just ask, Thanks -FeuDeJoie (talk) 11:03, 15 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed all issues, if I have the time to do so, I'll look for more info later this week. –Chase (talk / contribs) 18:53, 16 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I am going to take one more look, and then i'll close. But it does lack some notability and I do think it could do with some expansion and it really gives little insight into the background of the pair, if you see a lot of Mariah Carey GA's they have a good example, you need to discuss previous successes, tours etc. Really you understand quite little of the pair. But aside from this it is generally good. -FeuDeJoie (talk) 21:59, 27 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

This article fails stability, it has been deleted once before and is currently up for AfD again. You can't pass an article which is waiting to be decided whether or not it is going to be deleted; it doesn't matter that the article was nominated for GAN before AfD either. GANs are not supposed to take six weeks to review and there hasn't been any improvements to the article for three weeks, and a further two weeks before that (when only two edits were made). Those are the reasons why I am failing this article, and the reaon why there is such a backlog in the Music category. Calvin • ^TalkThatTalk 01:09, 9 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]