Talk:Exhale (Shoop Shoop)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 18:28, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

Lead

• Commas needed after Houston
• It is better said as "lead single"
• speaks about growing up and learning to let go -> be more specific
• maturity in the song -> ? Vocal maturity, lyrical maturity?
• RIAA certifies for shipments, not sales or both
• Not or more, for 1 million
• The song reached the number one in Canada -> ce
• in 1997 -> held on
• It won in the category of Best R&B Song -> For better quality reading, try and incorporate this into the last sentence
• set-list of three Houston's tours -> ce
• selected -> select
• You should introduce them as compilation albums, not just jump to their names

Background

• 1994, comma
• novel of the same -> link
• The film's director, Forest Whitaker, hired Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds to compose the soundtrack. Even after Babyface made his first visit to the set of the film, Houston was determined not to record songs for the soundtrack -> can be written better
• She finally agreed after hearing Babyface play one of the songs -> which song?
• "Exhale" was written and produced solely by Babyface -> seems kind of outta place
• I couldn't come with words anymore -> come up?
• According to Bronson, the song summarizes the movie's philosophy -> again, it seems king of out there, try incorporating it into a well structured sentence
• Houston recorded the song[1] -> I think that part is kind of obvious, we don't need a source, also ce again
• The second paragraph doesn't really fit in with "Background", maybe "Release"?

Composition

• the bells resembled electronic Christmas bells, and that Houston ad-libs -> you wrote it like its a quote, which would need quotations. If not, fix it up to read better
• Ted Cox, the author -> no "the"
• wrote that -> don't write "wrote" unless its a direct quote, because he did not write that. Try, He felt etc.
• Again here and -> "vocal colors".

Critical reception

• most of them were -> most of which
• were positive -> ?
• Houston's maturity -> ?
• the pop music -> remove "the"
• gave a positive review -> the song or Exhale
• "intoxicating". -> A lot of these
• described the song as "shuffling". -> isn't there anything else he said except that one word?
• gave a negative review -> again

Awards and accolades

• The
• 27th ceremony -> annual
• on February 26, 1997 -> commas, and held
• 45th ceremony -> again

Chart performance

• (1992) remained atop the chart for eleven weeks -> (1992), which remained atop the chart for eleven weeks
• shipments exceeding 1,000,000 copies or more -> again
• a position which became its peak. -> ce, not well placed or written
• This section seems very biased to other countries. While the song didn't achieve much success outside the US and Canada, you should expand the second paragraph a bit, instead of just listing peaks. Make it encyclopedic.

Music video

• Pretty nice

Live performances

• "Exhale (Shoop Shoop)" has been performed a number of times live -> doesn't read well
• fourth studio album -> fourth studio album,
• some spots -> try another word

References

• 1. 1, all book sources have broken links
  2. 3 & 4 need to be switched
  3. 10 linking
  4. 15 extra linking
  5. 87 - 90 need work
• Similar linking issues persist

• • Got some work for ya! I'll be awaiting improvements :)--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 23:29, 19 March 2011 (UTC)

I believe the issues are fixed :) Novice7 (talk) 07:38, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

Much better, however, there is still tons of over-linking in the references :)--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 08:27, 20 March 2011 (UTC)