Talk:Eve Russell/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Johanna (talk · contribs) 02:15, 17 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Third on my "to review" list. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 02:15, 17 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 04:56, 17 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

I would remove the "residence" parameter from the infobox as it's not really that relevant and goes really in-universe. Done
In the "Portrayed by" parameter, add the flashback actors with the text (flashbacks) next to it. Done
I would add some more summary statements from Development and Other Appearances at appropriate places in the lead. Done
I would remove the italics from the quote "my kind of show" as it's clear where the stress is. Done
"until Grace Bennett floated out her bedroom window." This reads as very strange as people who are unfamiliar with the show will assume that someone floated out the actor's window. I would just add "her character's bedroom window" Done (I was having trouble with this particular part for the reasons you mentioned so thank you for the suggestion).
"Sheraton Kalouria, senior vice president..." I don't see how this is relevant to a discussion of the character.
- I thought it was important to identify him to someone who may not be familiar with the show or daytime television and to give some more credibility to his quotes. I can delete it entirely if you that that is important.
I think that the next sentence would be better placed in Reception.
- I placed it here as I feel the sentence focuses more on the creation/casting of the characters. Kalouria is saying that the Russells were creative for diversity. I would think the sentence would be out of place in the Reception section as it deals more with the background and creation of the characters, but I can still move it if you think that is best.
  - I see your point as you were referencing the Jet magazine article and have moved it accordingly. Done
"African-Americanism" is not really a word: I would say "African-American identity" Done I have no idea how that ended up there lol
"and said that if there were no Russells there would be no Harmony." This clause is kind of repetitive of the quote, so I would remove it. Done
You could make a case for the Van Johnson being in there, but I would move it to Reception. However, the Charles Divins stuff is repetitive of earlier material. Done It makes so much more sense there so thank you for the suggestion. Done Let me know if this is better
"Although she initially saw the character as easy to play..." this is not a run-on, but I would split this sentence into two for increased clarity. Done
Capitalize the T in "The Atlas Society" Done
It's okay to use "said" a few times, but I wouldn't overuse it. Done Thank you!
I would majorly trim down the part on her storylines. I liked the length in the Simone Russell article, but you could go a little bit longer if you need to. I would trim down all the current subsections down to a paragraph or two each and remove the subsection headers.
- Working I did go overboard here so I understand. I will cite specific episodes when possible (as noted in my final note)
  - Done Let me know if you think this section should be cut down farther. I actually preferred it with the subsection headings as it looks really off-putting as just a large wall of text without any images attached. I have attempted to trim down as much as I can, but considering this is a main character for nine years on a show that air every weekday, I am a little impressed that I could make it to this somewhat manageable length. I have also put episodes as sources where appropriate. Aoba47 (talk) 03:53, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
I don't think that either of the non-free images are really necessary here, particularly the one of her singing. However, the image of Vincent has some nice information in it that can be used in another section. Done
Once again, I would prefer that you use episode citations, but as you pointed out, it's not necessary per WikiProject guidelines. Done Added some.
"According to NBCUniversal director Stacey Ward..." I would remove this sentence. It still makes sense without it. Done
Ref 28 (this link) is not working, at least for me.
- The link is working fine for me; do you know what may be causing the issue?
  - For me, it says that the server is busy, but I'll assume that it's just my computer. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 20:29, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: That's all I have! Good work so far! Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 01:52, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Johanna: Thank you for your review. You have given me a lot of helpful feedback and I am currently working through it all right now. While I am editing down the Storylines section, I will cite specific episodes where I can. I think the policy was put into place as there are some sections that can cover weeks, months, or even years of episodes so it is difficult to pin it all down on one episode. I should have all the revisions done soon. Thank you again. Aoba47 (talk) 02:27, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
- @Johanna: I have addressed all your comments and left some of my own comments above. Thank you again for the review. I appreciate that you took the time and energy for this and it was very helpful. Aoba47 (talk) 03:56, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  - @Aoba47: Thank you so much for your timely responses. You can add the subsection headers back if you so wish. Pass. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 20:29, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]
    - @Johanna: Thank you so much for your help! You have been a big help and the article looks a lot better. What do you think about the subsection headers? I can put them back or leave them out if you really feel that it is better without them? Aoba47 (talk) 20:32, 29 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]