Talk:Elmer White/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 14:53, 2 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

White's nationality should be stated in the first sentence of the lede
Think the first and second paragraphs should be merged for flow
"he died of tuberculosis in March of 1872," - avoid using the date format highlighted in bold per MOS:DATESNO
"becoming the first player from a professional baseball league to die." - becoming the first professional baseball league player death.
- I think it's grammatically better the way it is. Your phrasing uses less words but runs the risk of making people think he died as a result of playing baseball. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 23:52, 2 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Any more information on White's parents?
- No, that was all the book said about them. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 23:48, 2 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Wikilink right field, outfielder, playing field and run to the relevant articles for non-Baseball readers
"His season was interrupted on June 19. The Forest Citys were playing the New York Mutuals, and White was playing catcher." - perhaps merge these two sentences together?
"and White was unable to play following the incident." - for how many games did White miss?
Write out about RBI stands for and wikilink the term for non-Baseball readers
"though Cleveland was defeated 9–7 by the Boston Red Stockings." - lost 9–7 to the
"White played over half" - more than
"of the game's" - think the word in bold is a typo

"According to baseball historian Frank Russo," - maybe add the name of Russo's book containing this information?

"At least one account indicates that White was also related to Warren White," - whose account exactly?

Will put the review on hold to allow the nominator to address or query the points raised above MWright96 (talk) 16:28, 2 April 2021 (UTC)[reply]