Jump to content

Talk:Ellie Cole/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Canadian Paul (talk · contribs) 16:08, 28 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take a look at this one, hopefully later tonight. One thing I can tell immediately is that all those one-two sentence paragraphs in the "Career" section are seriously going to disrupt the article's flow. I would recommend combining them where possible/appropriate to ensure that the section reads like a narrative rather than a list of facts. Also please note per the toolbox on the side that there is a disambiguation llink for S13 that should be rectified. Canadian Paul 16:08, 28 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]



GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Comments:

  1. Per WP:LEAD, the lead cannot introduce facts that are not present in the body of the article. Currently "She is the captain of the Australian Paralympic Team and mentors other young athletes" is not anywhere in the body and would require proper citations.



  1. The infobox image requires a caption, even if it's just something along the lines of "Ellie Cole, picture in Year X" or "Ellie Cole in her 2008 official Australian Olympic portrait" or something similar.



  1. The fact that she is a member of the Casey Tigersharks club requires a citation.



  1. Per WP:DATED, the introduction to the "Personal" section needs to qualify the details by their date of relevance (ie. "As of 2012...") Also, does that little introduction need to be its own section? Seems like it would fit better in the flow of the narrative somewhere in another section; it's odd to introduce her height, weight, club, and residence before the reader knows anything about her. Also, I think that breaking the "Personal" section into subsection is unnecessary, as both of the subsections are very short and it adds more to the disruption of the flow.


  • The personal section has been written in chronological order, and 'As of 2012' has been replaced with 'currently'.
  • Club and residence has conjoined into more appropriate parts of the section, height and weight has been excluded due to the inability to place with prose within the article.


  1. Under "Early life," "She was diagnosed with sarcoma." Aside from the fact that the pronoun makes it unclear whether it is referring to Ellie or Brittany, this is just a sentence fragment/factoid without a connecting detail such as when she was diagnosed.



  1. The major problem, as noted above, is the "Career" section, which is nothing more than a list of successive facts about things that happened to Cole. They need to be combined and bridged together to create a sense of narrative flow. For example, the first couple of sentences could become "Cole is classified in the S9 category in swimming due to her amputation, a classification that also includes swimmers who have joint restrictions in one leg and those with double below-knee amputations. She began competitive swimming in 2003 and, at the 2006 IPC Swimming World Championships in Durban, South Africa, she won her first international medal in the sport, silver in the women's 100 m backstroke S9 event." So my point here is that not only do these small paragraphs need to be combined, but it's more than a matter of simply deleting the line breaks. The need to be combined and worked together in order to present a story.



  1. The "Career" section has two fact tags that need to be rectified.



  1. Is the block quote in the "Training" section necessary? It doesn't really add anything to the prose or encyclopedic information and will become quickly outdated information. Since, per Wikipedia:Non-free content, we should limit our use of non-free material (such as direct quotes), I'm wondering what the rationale is here for including it.



The prose here is a big problem, but I think that a careful effort could fix it. To allow for these issues to be addressed I am placing the article on hold for a period of up to a week. I'm always open to discussion so if you think I'm wrong on something leave your thoughts here and we'll discuss. I'll be checking this page at least daily, unless something comes up, so you can be sure I'll notice any comments left here. Once these concerns have been dealt with, I will review the article and point out additional changes needed to comply with Wikipedia's Good Article criteria. Canadian Paul 20:27, 28 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take a second look at it now. Canadian Paul 14:00, 29 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Much improved. Here are a a few new points:
  1. References #1 and 10 need to be properly formatted like the rest of the citations because, if those links went dead, then there would be no way to verify the material that they cite because it's impossible to tell what the sources are.



  1. Under "Career", second paragraph, "After breaking the world record with a time of 1:04:06, she participated in the FINA championships in Rio de Janeiro where she finished third five times." You don't necessarily need to list every event that she finished third in here, but more detail, even a general sampling of the types of events she competed in, would be very useful here.



  1. Under "Recognition", "During her time at Frankston High School Cole received a Debbie Flintoff-King award for the most outstanding sporting achievement from the institution three years in a row." Yes, I know, it's pretty obvious but per WP:OBVIOUS you should list what that "outstanding sporting achievement" was (if it's explicitly listed in sources of course)



  1. The fact that "She is the captain of the Australian Paralympic Team" in the lead is still absent from the body of the article.



Getting closer, a significant improvement on what was there before. Canadian Paul 14:34, 29 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Almost there, just one final clarification:

  1. Under "Career", second paragraph, "The same year Cole participated in the IPC Swimming World Championships in Rio de Janeiro in the 100 m backstroke, 400 m freestyle, four 100 m freestyle events and the 200 m individual medley where she broke a world record with a finishing time of 1:04:06 and won five bronze medals." It's probably not necessary to list which events she won the medals in (it's in the infobox anyways), but this sentence should clarify the event in which she broke the record. Canadian Paul 14:05, 30 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    Fixed by disentangling the sources. As far as I can tell, she didn't actually break any records at those games. Graham87 03:33, 1 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, time for another (hopefully final) look then. Canadian Paul 21:23, 1 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, I believe that this article now satisfies the Good Article criteria and I will therefore be passing it as such. As an aside, I think that this is definitely a premier example of how collaboration really made a difference in improving article quality, so congratulations to all those involved and thank you for your hard work. Canadian Paul 21:30, 1 July 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Ellie_Cole/GA1&oldid=1039846702"