Talk:Ellen van Dijk/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Meetthefeebles (talk · contribs) 16:56, 23 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review, but I am otherwise engaged this evening so I'll make a start tomorrow... Meetthefeebles (talk) 16:56, 23 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, let's get cracking...

Image Check: There is only one image (in the infobox) and this is licensed fine.
- I added another image.
Disambiguation links: None found
External links: All seem fine except ref.11, which takes me to an 'error 404' page. Done
Quick fails: Lots of references, can't see any clean up tags, no evidence of edit-warring, a sportswoman's career isn't really an 'on-going event'...

Okay, I'll leave some comments as we run through:

It might be worth blue linking the Netherlands in the infobox. Done
I've made some changes to the data in the infobox. Please have a look at these and if I have changed the meaning of anything, please feel free to make changes to these. Done
I would suggest slightly rewriting the sentence "In the summers she eventually did cycling as cross-training, but after competing and becoming for the fifth time national champion in 2007 she quited with speed skating and became a full-time cyclist". Suggest 'In summer', rather than 'In summers', 'she undertook cycling as part of cross training', 'becoming national champion for the fifth time in 2007' rather than 'becoming for the fifth time national champion in 2007' and the word 'quit' should replace 'quited'. Done
Suggest amending the next sentence to "Along with her world title successes, Van Dijk has also twice been European track champion, twice European time trial champion and has won five world cup races." This will help to improve the prose. Done
Rather than blue linking Olympic Games and London, it might be better to blue link 2012 Olympic games in London. Done
Change 'winning' to 'win' and 'became' to 'finished'. Done
In the personal life' section, take 'of' out after 'Besides', add a comma after 'cycling' and I'd suggest adding 'played' instead of 'did' and add 'performed' before the word 'gymnastics' Done
Instead of 'when she was young', suggest changing to 'when she was a child'. Done
Add a comma after '2012 games' and rather than 'is willing to continue for a masters degree', amend to 'intends to study for a masters degree'. Done
Overall, this section seems a little short. Is there nothing else notable or worth saying about her? Is she married or does she have any children, for example? What are her parents names? When did she leave Harmelen? Done
Suggest slight changes to "Ellen van Dijk started her sports career with speed skating." Remove the word 'sports' as it is somewhat redundant and suggest 'as a speed skater' rather than 'with speed skating'. Done
Which speed skating club was she allowed to join as an eight year old? Presumably this is a local club, so I would state as such. Done
That sentence also would benefit from a slight rewrite. Perhaps something like: "As a very young child, she had performed in natural ice skating tours and, at the age of eight, she became a member of a local speed skating club." Done
Again, a slight rewrite suggested for the next sentence: "during the winter months, Van Dijk trained almost every day at the local speed skating rink in Utrecht. She did this from when she was aged twelve until she was twenty years old and she still holds the track record at 5000m." Done
Take 'in total' out of the next sentence, end with a comma and join the final sentence of the section. Done
Change 'ended in the general classification two times in the 10th place' to simply "She finished in 10th place on two occasions in the allround competition and in 4th place in the 3000m". I'd add the year in which she finished 4th– I tried to look at the source to add myself but I can't speak Dutch I'm afraid :( Done
I've slightly rewritten the first sentence of the next section. Have a look at the differences here and feel free to revert if I have changed the meaning. Done
- Thank you for rewriting. You didn't change the meaning. (Sander.v.Ginkel (talk) 21:02, 25 November 2012 (UTC))[reply]
Suggest slight rewrite to next sentence: add a comma after 'performed well' and 'competing in' instead of 'racing with'. Done
Another suggested rewrite: "The following year, she won the Dutch national road championship in the novice category." Done
Changes 'In the years after' to simply 'In 2004'. Done
- I rewrited the sentence. It was not possible to change 'in the years after' in 'in 2004' because the sentence was about 2004 and 2005. (Sander.v.Ginkel (talk) 21:02, 25 November 2012 (UTC))[reply]
Indeed, this entire section could benefit from a rewrite. Suggest something like: "In 2004, Van Dijk won two more national titles, this time as a junior, in the road race and in the road individual time trial. In the latter, she beat Marianne Vos, though Vos would avenge her defeat in 2004 World Cycling Championships in Verona, Italy. Vos won the Junior road race world title, with van Dijk finishing third. In 2005, van Dijk again won the Dutch national junior title in the individual time trial but finished second in the road race, again behind Vos." Done
I've edited the last sentence slightly; feel free to amend this if you feel that the meaning has changed. Done
Take 'with' out of the sentence between 'quitting' and 'speed skating' in the 2007 section. Done
Rather than list a lot of further grammar and spelling suggestions, I've simply copy-edited everything from 2007–2011. I appreciate that English is not the nominators first language so I'm happy to make a few changes and help out here. Please have a read through these and let me know if I have changed the meaning in some way. Done
- Thank you for rewriting. Sander.v.Ginkel (talk) 21:13, 26 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The 2011 section is a little short. This page seems to indicate that she was very busy, including winning another national title, and it would be nice to see this section expanded a little. Done
In the 2012 section, I presumed you mean 'qualification' rather than 'bonification'?
- Actually, I mean bonification. In the stages you could earn bonification seconds (for the general classification) in intermediate sprints. There is a Dutch article about it, see: here, I can't find an English article about it, but it is mentioned in severeal articles, see here
"second in the general classification"? Done
"And a stage" rather than "and a staged"? Done
Take the 's' off classifications. Done
Add a comma after Emmen and suggest restructuring sentence so it reads "became the Dutch time trial champion in the elite category for the second time in her career". Done
Add a comma after London. Done
I've incorporated the 2012 Olympic list into the main body of the section and also done a little copy-editing.
- Thank you for doing that. (Sander.v.Ginkel (talk) 21:02, 25 November 2012 (UTC))[reply]
What does 'parcours' mean?
- It has to be 'course'. I changed it. (Sander.v.Ginkel (talk) 21:02, 25 November 2012 (UTC))[reply]
The table of performance data is fine, but the big list which follows it is very cumbersome and should be removed. Much of the information contained within that list is already in the main article and a lot of it is duplicated in the performance tables, so little should be lost. If information is in this list but not in the main text of the article, I would suggest adding it to the relevant sections.
- I agree that the list includes a cumbersome of the tables above. I deleted these results from the list. However I think it's valuable to retain the other achievements. People can have a quick impression without reading the entire page. This is also done by GA article Alberto Contador and former GA article Lance Armstrong.
The references look fine and I've checked a few of these (mainly those I can understand, so those giving data or written in English)

Overall, I enjoyed reading the article and it is reasonably sound, but there is still work to be done (mainly copy-editing) before this can be considered a GA. I'll pop this on hold and see how the nominator responds... Meetthefeebles (talk) 14:32, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Nominator: Sander.v.Ginkel (talk ·

Hello Meetthefeebles, thank you very much for reviewing! You mentioned good points and I'll go through them one by one in the upcomming days! Thank you in advance for the changes and you'll see mine within a matter of time.

--Sander.v.Ginkel (talk) 19:45, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I did the 'easy' comments. Sorry for my English writing skills. You're right, English is not my first language.. (Sander.v.Ginkel (talk) 21:02, 25 November 2012 (UTC))[reply]

Hi Sander. I've looked through the article again and include some comments below:

I've made a couple of small changes to lead. Have a look at these and, if I have changed any meaning, feel free to change these back.

Per the manual of style, external links should not be included in the main body of the text, so I've had to remove the links to the cyclists in the personal life section.

I've made a couple of small copy edits but nothing major: your additional work was very good and certainly improved the article.

I would still like to see some additions to the 2011 section, which is very short compared to the others.

The data provided is still causing me consternation. Whilst I agree that other GA cycling articles include it, they do so in a much more neat and crisp manner than that here. I've had a bit of a play around with the data layout; have a look and let me know if you think this looks any better... Meetthefeebles (talk) 20:39, 27 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

An engaging, well-referenced, well-illustrated article.

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

I've assessed this article against the requirements of WP:WIAGA and, in the light of improvements carried out, I'm awarding GA-status. Congratulations! Meetthefeebles (talk) 11:26, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]