Talk:Elisa Camahort
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Peer Review by Ranya Matari
[edit]Overall, the article is well-written, concise, and organized. You did a great job of keeping a neutral tone throughout the article and providing a brief overview of the article's content in the lead section. I also think that the references are great, there's a good variety of reliable, secondary sources. I would suggest maybe changing some of the sentence structure or wording to allow for better flow overall. For example, in the recognition section, maybe try editing the structure/phrasing of the sentences or I think even possibly converting it to a list format may work better to highlight her recognition/achievements. The most important change I believe would improve the article is adding more content, if possible, specifically to the personal life section and maybe adding that section as the first section in the article for better organization. Also, minor edits in word choice and sentence structure would also be great changes to improve the article's overall flow. I think you did a great job with the tone of the article by maintaining a neutral, unbiased view throughout, which I think is also applicable to the article I am working on. I made a few minor changes such as fixing a typo by adding "space" after safe in one of the sentences because I think that was simply a typo because the next sentence mentions "safe space". Overall, this is a great draft, however, I think some minor changes would improve the article.
Ranyamatari26 (talk) 04:25, 14 November 2020 (UTC)
Peer Review by Justin Kamps
[edit]My first impressions of this article were very good. I think that the composition of the article is rock-solid, and that all the included topics have plenty of detail. However, there are a few changes I might make to improve it. Firstly, some minor tweaks in text. For example, in your biography of her at the very beginning, it is redundant to have the BlogHer Wikipedia page hyperlinked every time it comes out, the first mention of it will suffice. In addition, I would also recommend that you change the title of the section "Blog Her" to "BlogHer", as it is a proper noun and company name that you are focusing on and would make more sense. The last potential issue I noticed was the Personal Life section (I would also recommend that you change that header to "Personal life" because that is more correct formatting). It seems to me like it takes a little to much of the feelings of Elisa Camahort, with this section using phrases like "enjoyed having" or "likes the idea of". I don't think these are bad things to be included at all, I just think they should sound more neutral and fact-based. Other than that I think that this group has done a great job giving an unrecognized but important woman recognition. Nice work!