Talk:Elias Abraham Rosenberg/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: MathewTownsend (talk · contribs) 14:08, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
Hi, I will reveiw this article shortly. Best, MathewTownsend (talk) 14:08, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
- Prose
- "Most details of his life are unknown, but he is known to have lived in San Francisco in the 1880s and developed a reputation " - "unknow, but he is known" - needs rewording
- Agree, rephrased.
- "kept the details of Rosenberg's statements confidential.[1] Rosenberg told the king Bible stories read to him from the Talmud,[2] and claimed to have found references to Hawaii in ancient Hebrew texts" - clarify that although in read the King Bible stories etc. the "Rosenberg's statements confidential" - what is meant by "statements"? - "and claimed to have found references to Hawaii in ancient Hebrew texts" - this doesn't fall under statements?
- Agree, rephrased.
- "The collector general, who oversaw Rosenberg's position, was replaced in May. In March, April, and May, Rosenberg was paid $100, ostensibly for working as a guard at the customs office. On June 1, he received a payment of $260 for an unknown reason." - how is this important and how does it related to any of the storyline. What does it mean? What relevance does it have?
- Took a stab at it.
- "Items about Rosenberg regularly appeared in a Hawaiian Gazette gossip column, written under the pseudonym "Flaneur". The columnist alleged that Rosenberg did no work at the customs office but collected a regular salary. Rosenberg was also satirized by a troupe of amateur minstrels at the Hawaii Opera house." - how does this relate?
- Moved these sentences, hopefully more logical now.
GA review-see WP:WIAGA for criteria (and here for what they are not)
- Is it reasonably well written?
- A. Prose: clear and concise, correct spelling and grammar:
- (see examples above)
- The sentences and paragraphs don't hang together. Unrelated information seems to be juxtaposed for no reason.
- Thus the prose is choppy; it doesn't flow.
- Fair enough, will work on it.
- Looking at the online sources e.g.[1] and using your other sources - isn't there info that could fill out this article?
- I don't think there's anything worth mentioning about him that isn't here yet, he's a bit of an enigma.
- B. Complies with MoS for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
- Lede is not clear about the main content of article. If one of the most important aspects is that Rosenberg left he left a Sefer Torah and a yad in Hawaii, which became prized possessions of the Hawaiian royal family and were later given to Temple Emanu-El - then shouldn't this be stressed more in the lede?
- Ok, I added a bit more to the lead.
- Lede is not clear about the main content of article. If one of the most important aspects is that Rosenberg left he left a Sefer Torah and a yad in Hawaii, which became prized possessions of the Hawaiian royal family and were later given to Temple Emanu-El - then shouldn't this be stressed more in the lede?
- A. Prose: clear and concise, correct spelling and grammar:
- Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
- A. Provides references to all sources:
- B. Provides in-line citations from reliable sources where necessary:
- C. No original research:
- A. Provides references to all sources:
- Is it broad in its coverage?
- A. Main aspects are addressed:
- Bits and pieces from the sources are patched together, but is isn't clear to me what the broad aspects are.
- "He is considered to have been an eccentric[3] and was described by San Francisco newspapers as an "adventurer"[4] and a "curio"." - can any of this be expanded upon?
- Unfortunately, I don't think so.
- Did Rosenberg's actions and gifts have any effect on the practice of Judaism in Hawaii?
- Good question, I think a book I have mentions something about this, I'll try to dig it up and put it in (the answer is ultimately no though).
- Did any of this have an important effect of the reign of the king? (seems he was prone to soothsayers etc.)
- I think it may have damaged his credibility, I think one or two of the sources might mention this, I'll try to check through them.
- B. Remains focused:
- Seems to be some focus on small detail that doesn't contribute to the understanding of the article - e.g. the stuff about his holding jobs at the customs office" (see above).
- Ok, will try to rephrase for flow and focus.
- Gave it a try, hope it makes more sense now.
- Ok, will try to rephrase for flow and focus.
- Seems to be some focus on small detail that doesn't contribute to the understanding of the article - e.g. the stuff about his holding jobs at the customs office" (see above).
- A. Main aspects are addressed:
- Does it follow the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- Is it stable?
- No edit wars, etc:
- No edit wars, etc:
- Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
- A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
- B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
- A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
- Overall:
- Pass or Fail:
- Pass or Fail:
- Please contact me if you have any questions or comments. I'll place this article on hold for seven days. Best wishes, MathewTownsend (talk) 19:45, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
- Alright, I'll try to work through this and go over the article again. This will be difficult to a certain extent because of the lack of available details about his life. I might be able to get it to read smoother, but only odd fragments of his life are preserved in the sources so it will be tricky. Mark Arsten (talk) 21:55, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
- Supposedly Rosenberg left Hawaii just before the Bayonet Constitution. I see what you mean. Info on Hawaiian history is hard to come by. MathewTownsend (talk) 22:20, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
- BTW, thanks for your edits to the article, they look good to me. Mark Arsten (talk) 01:18, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
- Feel free to change any edits I make. I think the article has improved greatly. You've made it work! MathewTownsend (talk) 01:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
- Alright, I'll try to work through this and go over the article again. This will be difficult to a certain extent because of the lack of available details about his life. I might be able to get it to read smoother, but only odd fragments of his life are preserved in the sources so it will be tricky. Mark Arsten (talk) 21:55, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks for your help, I agree that it has improved.
- Do you think the last section should be one paragraph or two? Mark Arsten (talk) 02:44, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
- Well, I moved a couple more sentences there and then split it up, some of the paragraphs may be a bit short though. Mark Arsten (talk) 03:06, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
- The way it is now is good. The whole article is much improved and now I understand what was happening. MathewTownsend (talk) 15:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
- Well, I moved a couple more sentences there and then split it up, some of the paragraphs may be a bit short though. Mark Arsten (talk) 03:06, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
- Reevaluation after fixes
- 1. Well written?:
Pass - 2. Factually accurate?: Pass
- 3. Broad in coverage?: Pass
- 4. Neutral point of view?: Pass
- 5. Article stability?: Pass
- 6. Images?: Pass
- Very interesting article. Congratulations! MathewTownsend (talk) 15:26, 11 January 2012 (UTC)