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GA Review

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Reviewer: MarioJump83 (talk · contribs) 15:37, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by MarioJump83

[edit]

I think I'll start the review by myself. I'm in a semi-wikibreak, which for me means I still do some edits but not the activities expected from a new page reviewer. Since I'm new to this, I'll put this on a second opinion once some things are done. I also would like some help, so bear in mind with me. SMB99thx my edits! 15:37, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@SMB99thx: ok! I think you will do great in this review, and you are welcome to always leave a second review! Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 16:23, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@SMB99thx: Now that Noah has decided to do a official review, should I try to do his instead of yours, or do both? There is a high chance that you’re comments will Ben added into Noah’s review, but in a different way. Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 04:08, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Try to do both. SMB99thx my edits! 04:16, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@SMB99thx and Hurricane Noah: So I have a question. Legobot said, that because you put it on hold, I would have a week to finish it. Well, it's been six days since I started this review, and there are still a lot of problems to finish (tornadoes, aftermath, SC in general). So, if I don't finish this by tomorrow would it fail? Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 13:47, 20 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Cyclone Toby, from what I have been already experiencing, no. Cyclone Ava was already put on hold for over a week and it isn't failed as of now. You don't need to fear anything about the GA. SMB99thx my edits! 13:49, 20 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@SMB99thx: ah, ok. Thanks for telling me. Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 13:52, 20 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

These are the most glaring issues based on the quick review I had:

@SMB99thx: I have completely redone the section. Does it look any better than before? stay safe, Cyclone Toby 02:16, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Cyclone Toby: It's quite good now. SMB99thx my edits! 02:32, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • South Carolina impacts is quite short. You'll need to expand on this.
 Doing... Cyclone Toby 17:02, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Since there is no update from you, I'm tagging the section. SMB99thx my edits! 03:50, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@SMB99thx and Hurricane Noah: It looks better, but I'm not sure if you still want like one or two more paragraphs for it. Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 18:55, 22 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I'll leave this to Hurricane Noah, while I'm doing an accuracy check. SMB99thx my edits! 13:36, 26 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Cyclone Toby: Hurricane Noah said that It can't be a GA until the South Carolina section is expanded enough or it is determined there isn't enough information available. I would say the former is the most likely outcome. Which means this is not quite yet done. MarioJump83! 13:29, 7 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I'm thinking about failing this GA if this is not done... MarioJump83! 13:33, 7 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Also, the aftermath of South Carolina is also short. This needs to be expanded.
 Not done merged sections for now. Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 16:40, 20 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Please consider doing any expansion by any ways necessary. I will fail this GA if you don't. MarioJump83! 13:14, 7 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Per ChessEric, Lots of grammar edits are needed and abbreviations need to be written out. Pics could also be structured better. Are you done with this?
 Done Cyclone Toby 17:02, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'm not going to fail this, but I'll put this on hold. Despite the article being B, it needs some significant work to get this to GA. SMB99thx my edits! 23:23, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'm starting to consider failing this since lack of information about South Carolina is the crux of the problem. MarioJump83! 13:47, 7 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Hurricane Noah

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The Review

[edit]
The Lead
[edit]
  • The effects of Hurricane Dorian in the Carolinas were extensive, but not as costly in comparison to Hurricane Florence from the previous year. You should use the first sentence to describe the effect that Dorian had in the Carolinas rather than make a comparison. You need to mention the month and year as well. This should be later on in the lead.
  • Anyways, this should also be present somewhere in the body. I think it is worth mentioning the storm wasn't as bad as Florence. You need a source that supports it too.

 Partly done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

You don't have to keep a bolded text that matches the article title for every article. You should say something like "Hurricane Dorian caused severe flooding and wind damage throughout the Carolinas during early September 2019." NoahTalk 20:35, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hurricane Dorian started out as a monsoonal trough over Guinea and Senegal on August 19. By August 24, it had organized enough to form a tropical depression around 805 miles (1,300 kilometers) east-southeast of Barbados, and strengthened to a tropical storm on the same day, receiving the name Dorian. On August 27, it struck Barbados and St. Lucia before strengthening into a Category 1 on August 28 and striking the United States Virgin Islands. By September 1, it had rapidly intensified and strengthened into a Category 5 hurricane and struck the northern Bahamas, including the Abaco Islands and Grand Bahama. It stalled there, until moving on September 3, paralleling the coast from Central Florida to south North Carolina, where it later made landfall in Buxton. It eventually transitioned into an extratropical system, making landfall in Nova Scotia with Category 1 hurricane force-winds. This whole swath of text is unsourced. What you need to do is make a background section (should be the first section), which will give a brief rundown of the met history.
  • You didn't have to remove all of this from the lead. The most important bits (especially the ones for the Carolinas) should remain in the lead. You also have this Hurricanes Dorian struck in the town of Buxton on September 6, with 100 mph (155 km/h) winds. which was left behind during your cut and paste. NoahTalk 20:35, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Common units should be abbreviated.
  • On August 27, it struck Barbados and St. Lucia before strengthening into a Category 1 on August 28 and striking the United States Virgin Islands. Too much for one sentence and there should be some variation. Struck, hit, made landfall, etc..

Hurricane Noah, this section has been remade. You might want to review that too. Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Dates should not be at the beginning of sentences for the most part as it makes the prose choppy. They should be reworked into the middle of the sentence if possible.
  • It stalled there, until moving on September 3, paralleling the coast from Central Florida to south North Carolina, where it later made landfall in Buxton. You don't need to mention the "moving" part. It could be something like "It stalled there until September 3, after which it paralleled the Atlantic coast from Central Florida to southern North Carolina." You should split off the place where it made landfall and tell people what state it was to avoid confusion.
  • 400,900+ Informal and too specific. Say "around 401,000"

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • making a total of 1,230,900+ people who were forced to evacuate The total really isn't needed.

minus Removed Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • all over coastal counties of the Carolinas Simply say for the Carolinian coast.

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Construction along evacuation routes were Construction is singular.

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • and more 2,415 employees from the North Carolina Department of Transportation were deployed to help respond. Should be "more than"... Again, way too specific here. More than 2,400 would be fine. Link N.C.D.O.T.

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • 25 tornadoes formed in coastal parts of the Carolinas I would rather this say "in the coastal regions".

 Done.

  • most being weak and short Short what? Were they small in stature? Life span?

 Done.

  • Link to the enhanced Fujita scale.

 Done.

  • most of the other tornadoes were reported in Sunset Beach and Emerald Island. tornadoes that were reported

 Done

  • putting miles of land under more then a foot of water Square miles? Some kind of conversion for miles and foot would be helpful for our metric using friends. Change then to than so it is correct grammatically.

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • The highest wind gust was recorded at 96 knots (110 miles per hour; 180 kilometers an hour) at the Cedar Island Ferry Terminal on Cape Lookout. --> The highest wind gust, 96 kn (110 mph; 180 km/h), was recorded at the... is much simpler

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Cape Lookout

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • sustained some kind of damage Delete "some kind of" as it is very vague.

 Done.

  • with almost all of it in North Carolina I would add "occurring" after "it".

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Three people were killed; all were indirect deaths. In which Carolina(s)?

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Here are my suggestions for your lead and all the relevant content there. NoahTalk 17:32, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The Preps
[edit]
South Carolina
  • Charleston reserved temporary pumps to position in low lying areas The city government? Any specific portion of it? Hyphenate low-lying.

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Parks Department began lowering water levels in lakes. The city's or the state's? Also, you need to use "the".

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • South Carolina officials eased restrictions on importation of animals into the state THE importation

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • declared a state of emergency Any particular counties? The whole state?

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Charleston declared a supplemental state of emergency For the whole city?

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Operational Condition Level 2, signaling an emergency is likely. This looks like a fragment that didn't quite get finished.

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • McMaster ordered evacuations from the coastal sections Should be "for" instead of "from"

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • of eight counties Which counties?

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Schools and state governments were closed in those eight counties Move this up to before the highway reversal and delete "eight".

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • The evacuation order covered 830,000 people Merge this onto the end of the first sentence on the evacuations... something like "affecting 830,000 people"

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link to the US Labor Day holiday

 Done, Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • hotels at 70% capacity --> hotels in the area were at 70% capacity

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • About 200 coastal hospitals/nursing homes/assisted living centers evacuated Informal with the /s... you need to use commas and the conjunction "and" for the last item at the end of the series. Should be "were evacuated".

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link to Trump

 Done. Donald Rump. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link SC National Guard

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Myrtle Beaach Fire Department implemented The before the noun. Beach is misspelled also.

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • 75 buses that were stationed in Orangeburg along I-26 assisted evacuations Don't start a sentence with a number.

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • SCEMD What's this?

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • What's OPCON 1?

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • evacuation still discharged patients ready to go who were ready to go

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Sandbags were distributed, and parking garages were opened throughout multiple cities. Improper comma usage

@Hurricane Noah: How? Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

If you have two things happening like this in areas, a comma isn't needed. NoahTalk 01:39, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Ah. I see now. Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 01:54, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Myrtle Beach International Airport canceled a limited number of flights on September 4 and a majority of them on September 5. Should be THE. Also, it would be much simpler to say they canceled flights from September 4–5 if you don't have specific numbers.

 Done. Cyclone Toby 19:41, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

North Carolina
  • Link to rip currents

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link for class two misdemeanors

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • laid in place for low-lying areas of Oak Island and New Hanover County THE low-lying areas

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Links for any of the mentioned cities, towns, and villages?

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link for Duke University

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link National Park Service

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link North Carolina Department of Transportation

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Interstate 40

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link NC National Guard

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link University of North Carolina at Wilmington

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link to nuclear power

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Wilmington International Airport

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link American Airlines

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Delta Airlines

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Charlotte Douglas International Airport

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link USDA

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link both Nantahala and Pisgah national forests

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Duke Energy

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Ameren and Missouri. it is missing a comma in the text.

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Fort Bragg

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Maxwell Air Force Base

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Alabama

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link North Carolina's 9th congressional district

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link North Carolina's 3rd congressional district

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Bladen County

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Tyrrell County

 Done Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Link Columbus County

 Done. Cyclone Toby 20:35, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Should be it for the preps. NoahTalk 19:12, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The Impact
[edit]
South Carolina
  • expected moderate to major levels moderate- to major-levels of
  • NWS Charleston also expected rainfall-induced freshwater flooding threat THE rainfall...
  • On September 1, the King tide in Charleston led to flooding before Dorian even arrived. Unless this had a major effect, it should be removed.
  • The highest wind gust reported associated with Dorian in South Carolina was recorded on Buoy 41004 measured at 98 miles per hour Remove "reported". Was this a NOAA buoy? Why is mph written out? Km/h conversion? Here is a better way of phrasing the sentence --> The highest wind gust associated with Dorian in South Carolina was recorded at 98 mph (conversion), as measured by Buoy 41004.
  • The highest winds recorded onshore was 92 miles per hour on Dewees Island, while the highest recorded winds on mainland South Carolina was also 92 miles per hour measured on Fripp Island. Should be "were" for both of them. Also, are these sustained winds or gusts? Conversions and abbreviations?
  • submerged in a foot of water, and the Charleston airport recorded about five inches of rainfal conversions and abbreviations.
  • 81 homes sustained damage, with 25 receiving major damage, 24 receiving minor damage, 2 rendered inaccessible Missing "and were"
  • A tree fell on a boys bedroom Should be boy's unless there were multiple.
  • , a tweet reported remove this.
  • Water could also be seen rushed outside Remove also as there is no flooding mentioned in the last sentence. Rushed --> rushing per verb tense
  • 215 road closures were reported.[64] 248,000 customers of Dominion Energy lost power in the state. Don't start sentences with numbers. Where were the road closures? If in North Charleston, say "reported in the city".
 Done. It is the rest of South Carolina based on the source. SMB99thx my edits! 03:34, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Over 500 trees were down in Charleston metro alone Should be "downed" and "the" Charleston "metropolitan area".
  • A dozen boats broke their moorings/sunk use "and" instead of a /
  • 15.21 inches (386 millimeters) Abbreviate
@Cyclone Toby: Sorry for being little bit harsh, but I suggest not doing this first until you are done with the expansion. SMB99thx my edits! 02:08, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@SMB99thx: I see. I will halt my doings of NC (which I think LightandDark2000 helped with, thank you for that), an go do some more expansion. I think it's too late, but atleast I finished some of this work. Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 02:22, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Cyclone Toby: It's not too late to continue expanding this section. Since I've seen that you have completed this work (I'm striking out all of that), there is an additional review coming ahead once you have done all of this work below. SMB99thx my edits! 03:13, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
North Carolina
  • Link warm front
  • Link wind shear
  • Link Dew point; it is two words, not one.
 Done SMB99thx my edits! 04:17, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Training (meteorology)
  • Link Supercell
  • 25 miles abbreviate and convert to km
 Done SMB99thx my edits! 04:17, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Could you actually describe what each tornado did? You don't need to give the technical aspects from the list, but at least say what damage each one caused (the physical damage and monetary cost). I think it would better complete the article since the tornadoes were part of Dorian's impact.
 Doing... This doesn't appear to be done, as Hurricane Noah repeated this over and over. When this is done, I am going to strike this part. MarioJump83! 04:36, 17 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Links for any cities that need them.
 Done SMB99thx my edits! 04:17, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link U.S. Highway 17
  • Link Fort Fisher State Recreation Area
  • 2 feet (0.61 metres) abbreviate
  • Link Cape Fear River
  • Link Pender County
  • Link Topsail Island
 Done SMB99thx my edits! 04:17, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link these counties Washington,[78] Wilson,[79] Johnston,[80] Sampson,[81] and Craven counties
 Done SMB99thx my edits! 04:17, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Duplin county
 Done SMB99thx my edits! 04:17, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Robeson county
  • Johnson County misspelled county name
  • Link Wake County
  • Link Orange County and 26 in Durham County those counties
  • few inches of water convert and abbreviate
 Done. Source said several inches, so I estimated around 3 inches. Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 03:38, 16 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Duke Marine Lab
  • miles per hour (180 kilometres per hour) Abbreviate
  • 4–6 feet (1.2–1.8 metres) Abbreviate
  • Link Carteret County
  • Link Coordinated Universal Time on UTC
  • 6–7 feet (1.8–2.1 metres). In just 10 minutes, water levels rose 5 feet (1.5 metres) abbreviations
  • 5.32 feet (1.62 metres) surge abbreviate
  • several feet of water as wind gusts up to 101 miles per hour (163 kilometres per hour) convert the first one and abbreviate both
  • Link Hyde and Dare counties
 Done SMB99thx my edits! 04:17, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Flash Flood Emergency
  • and recreational vehicle not a part of the assessed damage total --> "and a recreational vehicle, which were not a part of the assessed damage total."
  • Fort Raleigh National Historic Site and the Wright Brothers National Memorial Links
  • Cameden,[104] Pasquotank,[105] and Perquimans counties Link the counties
  • Link Elizabeth City State University
  • Link Chowan River through Chowan County, the river and the county
  • 3.85 feet (1.17 metres). Abbreviate
  • 2.5–3.5 feet (0.76–1.07 metres) Abbreviate
  • 7.2 feet (2.2 metres) Abbreviate
Should be it for the impact portion. NoahTalk 20:13, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Comment: Yeah, I took care of most of the linking and grammar issues listed here, and in some other places as well. I also filled in all of the bare citations. However, I left all of the suggested abbreviations, requested clarifications (and expansions), and some other edits for Cyclone Toby to complete. LightandDark2000 🌀 (talk) 02:28, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I'll do what remains of that. I'll leave the last (which is not struck out, all related to clarifications) for Cyclone Toby to decide. SMB99thx my edits! 03:34, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@MarioJump83: A few more sentences needed to finish the SC impacts section, or more? Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 02:57, 17 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Cyclone Toby, I'm leaning towards "more". MarioJump83! 03:00, 17 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The Aftermath
[edit]
South Carolina
  • Needs significant expansion to keep this section... One line really isn't enough. If you can't find anything else or not much else, you may need to merge it into one aftermath section.
I'm going to tag {{section expand|date=December 2020}} to make sure that Cyclone Toby will expand this section. SMB99thx my edits! 03:41, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
merged sections for now. Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 16:40, 20 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
That's fair, given that SC impacts weren't as worse as in NC. SMB99thx my edits! 17:39, 20 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Unfortunately, I'm going to revert your edit about this one. You need to expand this section, or I have this GA fail. MarioJump83! 13:16, 7 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@MarioJump83: so per this edit, am I done with expanding the article? Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 03:07, 23 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Cyclone Toby: Not quite... Hurricane Noah asked me to help you. MarioJump83! 03:17, 23 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
By this point, I say this is  Done. MarioJump83! 04:34, 17 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
North Carolina
  • 500 feet (150 metres) Abbreviate
  • Link Federal Emergency Management Agency
  • Move the link for Hurricane Matthew up to the first mention
  • North Carolina-based Lowe's sent 30 specially trained employees to the coastline for relief work. Missing "a" at the beginning of the sentence. Move up the link for Lowe's.
  • More than 8,000 army/air national guardsmen use and instead of a /
  • got prepared to respond to Hurricane Dorian. this makes no sense. They prepared to respond to areas affected by Hurricane Dorian. Also, did they respond?
  • Split the large portion of the aftermath into two paragraphs.
  • Anything else in regards to reconstruction efforts, donations, etc.. ?
That should be it for the aftermath sections. NoahTalk 20:22, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Striking out things that are done. SMB99thx my edits! 03:41, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The Background
[edit]
  • minimum central pressure link atmospheric pressure here
  • Abbreviate millibars to mbar
 Done SMB99thx my edits! 03:48, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link landfall
  • Link The Bahamas
  • Link Abaco Island
  • Link Florida
  • made landfall on Cape Hatteras at Category 2 intensity Which state is this? Could you mention landfall winds and pressure?
 Done North Carolina. SMB99thx my edits! 03:48, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • before striking first Nova Scotia before first striking
 Done SMB99thx my edits! 03:48, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I'll leave this to Cyclone Toby. SMB99thx my edits! 03:11, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Source Review
[edit]
Note that this review will be for formatting only, not accuracy. I am leaving that to the original reviewer. NoahTalk 20:44, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Review
  • FN1: Names should be listed in author style so they are consistent with the other refs
  • FN2: Should be cite news; publisher is ABC (you can list the website/station title as website)
  • FN3: Should be cite news; publisher is Fox Carolina (you can list the website/station title as website)
  • FN4: Should be cite news; publisher is NBC (you can list the website/station title as website)
  • FN8: The Sun News should be a newspaper, not a publisher
  • FN10: Should be cite news; publisher is NBC (you can list the website/station title as website)
  • FN11: Should be cite news; publisher is incorrect; should be Georgetown Times as a newspaper
  • FN12: Should be cite news; publisher is incorrect; should be Military Times as a work
  • FN15: Should be cite news; publisher is NBC (you can list the website/station title as website)
  • FN16: Should be cite news
  • FN17: Should be cite news; publisher is NBC (you can list the website/station title as website)
  • FN19: Don't list middle names unless you are doing it for everyone
  • FN21: Should be cite news; publisher is NBC (you can list the website/station title as website)
  • FN22: Should be cite news; publisher is CBS (you can list the website/station title as website)
  • FN23: Should be cite news; website parameter isn't needed
  • FN24: Should be cite news; publisher is CBS (you can list the website/station title as website)
  • FN25: Should be cite news
  • FN26: Should be cite news; publisher is CBS (you can list the website/station title as website); don't use middle names
  • FN27: Should be cite news
  • FN29: Should be cite news; publisher is Fox News (you can list the website/station title as website)
 Done I fixed them by myself. WRAL-TV is not a publisher, it is a station. I put NBC as publisher, though. SMB99thx my edits! 06:50, 28 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Check for similar mistakes throughout the rest of the article.
I'll fix them by myself alongside checking their accuracies. This is going to be huge work for me. SMB99thx my edits! 06:50, 28 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
For now, I'm dropping this as a criteria for GAN to save time. If you want this for FA, I assure you that you'll need to get most of them fixed, however. MarioJump83! 00:10, 17 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@MarioJump83: So, are you saying that the sources are done for GAN to save time? Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 01:52, 17 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
For formatting, yes. For accuracy (which is a criteria for GA), no. But I'm thinking about leaving this to another reviewer though. MarioJump83! 02:03, 17 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Accuracy check - Pass!

Separating this from above review - so to not disrupt reviewing. SMB99thx my edits! 03:05, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'm going to pass the accuracy check, since I believe that Cyclone Toby will check the sources by themselves as they work through on the North Carolina content. MarioJump83! 07:07, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Additional Chatter

[edit]

@SMB99thx: I am going to step in here as there are some serious issues that you haven't brought up along with more minor ones. NoahTalk 02:54, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much. SMB99thx my edits! 02:55, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@SMB99thx: I will start a formal review in a bit. Notice that the B class rating wasn't correct in the least. It fails 4 of the B class criteria right now. Not to say this isn't salvageable. It just will take a lot of work. NoahTalk 03:00, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@SMB99thx, Cyclone Toby, and Hurricanehink: I am taking a break from reviewing the article and will do the rest of the SR in intervals. There are some issues with references that need to be addressed per discussion off-wiki. Keep in mind I haven't checked anything for accuracy and am leaving that for SMB99thx to make sure is correct. NoahTalk 21:30, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Hurricane Noah, what do you think about the background? SMB99thx my edits! 23:23, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@SMB99thx: I already reviewed it. NoahTalk 23:24, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. I'll do the review on accuracy of these sources soon. SMB99thx my edits! 23:26, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

It can't be a GA until the South Carolina section is expanded enough or it is determined there isn't enough information available. I would say the former is the most likely outcome. NoahTalk 13:07, 7 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@MarioJump83 and Hurricane Noah: impacts, aftermath, or both? Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 20:32, 7 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Cyclone Toby, I say both. MarioJump83! 22:51, 7 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Both. NoahTalk 23:04, 7 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Additional Review

[edit]

Making this section for when all of the above are addressed. I will do a second run over the whole article to find anything I may have missed during the initial segment. NoahTalk 02:59, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

This was made before Hurricane Noah started the wikibreak. Again, if everything is done, I'll ask for second opinion by someone else. MarioJump83! 12:35, 13 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@MarioJump83: I can still eventually check over the text of the article for issues and coverage when you deem the section expansion work to be complete enough, but don't expect it to be immediate or extremely fast. I will do it as I get time. NoahTalk 22:10, 17 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Good for you! Well done for breaking the wikibreak which I do daily.... MarioJump83! 22:45, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Some of the issues above still appear to be unaddressed. For one, while the "South Carolina" subsection under "Impacts" is a little short, I think that it isn't an issue for a GA (though it would disqualify this article from becoming an FA). However, the "South Carolina" subsection under "Aftermath" is much too short. I would like to see some more information there. LightandDark2000 🌀 (talk) 15:45, 13 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Will do, alongside Cyclone Toby. MarioJump83! 01:20, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Second Review
[edit]

This is a review of the prose. NoahTalk 03:18, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Section One
[edit]
Lead
 Done. Cyclone Toby 05:03, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 05:03, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Dorian start paralleling the coast from Central Florida until Dorian struck the town of Buxton in North Carolina on September 6, with 100 mph (155 km/h) winds. This whole part is rather clunky as written. NoahTalk 03:18, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 05:03, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 05:03, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • As far as I am aware, the winds experienced on land were less than 100 mph so we don't want to be misleading. You will need to move the link up for NC for the first usage in the lead. NoahTalk 03:18, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 05:03, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 05:03, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 05:03, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • More than 830,000 people were evacuated in South Carolina, and around 401,000 people were evacuated in North Carolina When? before the storm, during the storm, a mixture? NoahTalk 03:18, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 05:03, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Despite this, some people were still charged with misdemeanor tickets after failing to comply with these mandatory evacuations. Could we generalize this and say something like "People who failed to comply with these mandatory evacuations were charged with misdemeanors"? NoahTalk 03:18, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 05:03, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 05:03, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • the danger of flying debris and flooding Was this happening now or was it anticipated to occur? I note that you don't mention this at all in the body. If it was anticipated, you should say "in anticipation of flying debris and flooding". Make sure one of those is mentioned in the body. NoahTalk 03:18, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
minus Removed. Didn't say who, or that they were even forced to close, though I can remember something about school and govermant organizations. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • though two tornadoes of EF-2 strength that were longer lived than most of the other tornadoes that were reported in Sunset Beach and Emerald Island why is the longevity of tornadoes important? I would split this off after the text in the previous point and explain that they were longer-lived and caused significant damage. NoahTalk 03:18, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • without power in both South Carolina and North Carolina both North and South Carolina is more sucinct... for future reference, people prefer the states listed in alphabetical order for statements like this. NoahTalk 03:18, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Three were indirect deaths and occurred in North Carolina, while two direct deaths occurred in Sputh Carolina. This is much more complicated than it needs to be. NoahTalk 03:18, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
That's it for now. I will do more when I have the time to look. NoahTalk 03:18, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Section Two
[edit]

Reviewing the background again and all North Carolina content. I will leave SC alone since it is incomplete. NoahTalk 23:30, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Background
  • The storm moved through the Lesser Antilles and became a hurricane north of the Greater Antilles on August 28. You need a comma after the "and" since both didn't happen at the same time. NoahTalk 23:30, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:17, 24 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Dorian made landfall in the Bahamas in Elbow Cay, just east of Abaco Island, and again on Grand Bahama several hours later, where it remained nearly stationary for the next day or so. This is a bit clunky and has some issues. NoahTalk 23:30, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • This honestly should be split into two sentences just for the sake of it not being a run-on. We also need to know dates and times NoahTalk 23:30, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • --> "Dorian made two landfalls in the Bahamas from September 1–2; the storm struck Elbow Cay, which is just east of Abaco Island, around 16:40 UTC on September 1. Dorian then made a second landfall at South Riding Point, Grand Bahama, around 02:15 UTC on September 2, where it remained stationary for the next day or so." This has the dates and times listed but isn't a run-on. NoahTalk 23:30, 18 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:17, 24 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:17, 24 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:17, 24 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:17, 24 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:17, 24 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:17, 24 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
North Carolina Content
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:07, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:07, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:07, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:07, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:07, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:07, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:07, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The effects of Hurricane Dorian were extensive in North Carolina, but they were not as bad as the effects from Hurricane Florence the previous year. This can be worded better. NoahTalk 03:02, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. MarioJump83! 04:31, 14 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:57, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • During the event, 25 tornadoes were confirmed across coastal section of the Carolinas, most short-lived and weak. Why is a sentence relating to both states present in the NC impact section? I believe 22 of these were in NC. NoahTalk 03:02, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done. Cyclone Toby 02:57, 6 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Section Three
[edit]

Future section for South Carolina reviewing. NoahTalk 03:05, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

 Done. MarioJump83! 04:32, 14 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Section Four
[edit]

Section will be used for extra cleanup. NoahTalk 14:45, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • Construction along evacuation routes was suspended, and more then 2,400 employees Change then to than. NoahTalk 01:50, 22 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • However, two tornadoes of EF-2 strength that were longer lived and caused more significant damages than most of the other tornadoes were reported in Sunset Beach and Emerald Island. This can be better worded to be more succinct and avoid grammar problems. NoahTalk 01:50, 22 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • To explain further so you understand for future reference, you want to be as clear as possible which involves using fewer words to get a point across. There are some issues in the above sentence with the wording at the beginning and the usage of "and" that cause it to read funky. Also, damages are something you win in a court case. It is never plural for the impact of a storm or tornado. In most cases on Wikipedia, the word reported is redundant. In this case, there wouldn't be unreported tornadoes. NoahTalk 01:50, 22 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • --> However, two longer-lived, EF-2 strength tornadoes caused more significant damage than most other tornadoes in Sunset Beach and Emerald Island. NoahTalk 01:50, 22 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Section Five
[edit]
I had a bit of time to help you with finding some sources. There likely is more out there though. NoahTalk 20:41, 24 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Already used. Cyclone Toby 12:56, 14 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Here's some more I found in response to some of Hink's points. NoahTalk 13:32, 29 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Cyclone Toby: As of my latest check, there are still 20 sources that need incorporated into the article. Once those are added in and you fix the comments I left for SC a while ago, I will review the content for that state again so I can leave comments for the new information. NoahTalk 18:02, 1 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Hurricane Noah: Do you feel that the SC section is ready? Most of the other sources I can't use as their isn't information that I could use, or it needs a subscription. However, i Maynard still be adding some as a do a last proof check through the sources. Stay safe, Cyclone Toby 03:48, 9 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Go ahead and do your last check for the sources. It looks to be comprehensive enough. Let me know once all of the existing comments are addressed so I can leave new ones for the new content. NoahTalk 03:51, 9 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Cyclone Toby: Looks like there are 7 sources left that may have something worthwhile. Would you be able to get them all added in by the end of Valentine's Day Weekend? I know you said this article has been stressing you out a bit since the review has been ongoing for a long time. I will tell you that the worst is over. Following the fixes to the other sections, that just leaves SC for spelling, grammar, succinctness, and flow improvement. There may be additions needed to the lead (will determine that later) so it is a summary of all the content. Articles about the effects of a storm are not easy to do and I commend you for having held in as long as have, especially with the barrage of comments I have left here to help with improving the article. Keep in mind I have also asked for more specific details on the tornadoes. What I am looking for is something like "An EFx tornado touched down near y (town/city), causing $z (amount) in damage to ... (general description)" or an inversion "Around $z in damage occurred (to objects possibly) near y after an EFx tornado spawned". We don't need details such as how long the path was or how long it lasted. Just the location, intensity, damage description, and the damage in $$. I hope that helps a bit with the tornadoes. Good luck! NoahTalk 04:40, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Hurricane Noah: It is now 3 sources left. I expect this to be done by this day or tomorrow in UTC. I also want to point out that one of these links are duplicate so I have removed it. MarioJump83! 01:17, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@MarioJump83: Cyclone Toby has been adding them in. I got the impression that you thought he wasn't. There are now TWO sources left. Cyclone Toby, after those are complete, you should proceed with fixing the other comments I have left. I will make sure everything is okay with those fixes before leaving another set of comments for the new SC material. To summarize, you need to add the two remaining sources, fix the existing comments (including adding in the tornado info [see above]), and then fix my future comments for the new SC material. Once that is done, I will be ready to support GA status for this article. NoahTalk 21:18, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Hurricane Noah: He is adding it, I admit. Now, I added the last source by myself to the article so you are free to do the Section Six. MarioJump83! 23:12, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@MarioJump83: I need to wait until he fixes the existing comments first so I don't repeat things. NoahTalk 23:50, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Cyclone Toby: Is everything okay? NoahTalk 23:13, 24 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Section Six
[edit]

Adding in another one for additional comments regarding new additions. NoahTalk 15:05, 27 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comment by Hurricanehink

[edit]
  • Drive-by comment.
  • Can you add a bit more to South Carolina? There's nothing about the total number of houses damaged. There's a lot of impacts for North Charleston, which is odd considering there's less mention of Charleston. Were there any more significant effects in Charleston? A foot of water can cause a lot of damage. Here's a bit about tourism lost due to the storm. Were any businesses affected in the city? Also, there isn't much about inland effects. Is there a SC damage total, other than the $200,000 from tornado damage? Also, was there erosion outside of Isle of Pines? Maybe it would be better worded saying, "Dorian's high waves caused beach erosion along the coast, including in the Isle of Pines." Or whatever, depending on the sources you find. Lastly, is the SC aftermath done? There's a tag on it. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:12, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I'm going to do some of South Carolina as was requested by Noah off-wiki. I'll leave the rest to Cyclone Toby, however. MarioJump83! 01:18, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Hurricane Noah I did what you have asked. MarioJump83! 13:12, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I don't have time to check for sources myself due the courseload I have, but the aftermath still looks quite sparse. I will wait to see what Hink says on this. I'm sure he is just getting started on it. I don't know if CycloneToby knows where to look for sources. I'm sure there's more out there per the comments Hink made above, but it's just a matter of looking in the right places to find it. NoahTalk 14:38, 19 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Hurricanehink: I did a brief 15-minute check for sources a few days ago. He is adding in content as he gets time. Do you think there would need to be more coverage beyond that? I am asking that the tornadoes be covered in more detail (a para in NC and another in SC). NoahTalk 14:19, 27 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The coverage looks pretty comprehensive IMO. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 05:23, 31 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Hurricanehink: Okay... I will have additional comments coming once he adds in all the new stuff. I think I pretty well hit the rest of it. LightandDark plans to make comments once I am done with my review. NoahTalk 20:15, 31 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Additional comments from MarioJump83

[edit]

Looking at total article size (not prose size), this looks FA-ish, with the archiving from IABot. I expect the final size to be around ~200K or more if this were to be nominated for FA. I'm not looking for the split of this article, but I want to give comments about how the article is going to be in the future. MarioJump83! 07:07, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Don't have expectations for size or else it will be bloated to get there. The bar from GA to FA is a big leap and a lot of work would be required to get it there. Have you asked if that is a route Cyclone Toby wants to go down? Considering we still need more done for GA, I wouldn't worry about FA yet. NoahTalk 11:35, 28 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Final

[edit]

If everything, including additional tasks are done, I'll give this a check. MarioJump83! 13:53, 7 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • Closing note: Since the original reviewer has been/will continue to be on WikiBreak and the nominator has had limited engagement here for the past few weeks, I have failed the nomination. NoahTalk 18:04, 15 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I'm now coming back from my WikiBreak, but note that the nomination will stay as failed, and I will not review this again. I will be using this page to keep up what I'm doing to get this into GA. MarioJump83! 03:24, 11 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]
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