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Talk:Edwin S. Votey/GA1

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Reviewer: Hog Farm (talk · contribs) 04:58, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Lead

  • The lead's a touch short. It's not a long article, but the lead should be a little longer than four sentences.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:35, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He invented or co-invented several inventions used in World War I, like a pilotless airplane used to drop bombs." - Can you please rephrase out the "like", it's not really encyclopedic tone.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:35, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

  • Link Baptist
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:39, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Inventions

  • "In 1897 at the age of 41 Votey became vice" - "at the age of 41" is an appositive, it should be set off by commas.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:51, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think companies are referred to as "it" not "they". At least in the US, a company is considered to be a singular legal entity, so the singular case would be more correct.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:57, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Votey's first Pianola piano player was given to the Smithsonian Museum in Washington, D.C. on December 2, 1922" does not need five citations. See WP:CITEKILL
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:02, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " and air was made that went through the holes of the rolled paper." - This phrasing is highly confusing. It's almost implying that the machine literally made new air inside of it.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:14, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The description of the Pianolo switches from past tense to present tense, this is problematic.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:14, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

General comments

  • The three short sections at the end would be best combined into one section.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:27, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Later life and death

  • "and went to the Porter hospital at " - Capitalize hospital, as it's part of a proper name
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:27, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In September 1930 he returned" - Comma after 1930
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:27, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

References

  • Ref 3 needs the publisher and the access date.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:52, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Ref 4 (wiscasset) looks really self-published, I'm doubting it's reliability
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:52, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The title of Bush should be in Title Case, not ALL CAPS
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:52, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Munsey looks self-published, although he may have been a subject-matter expert, I'm just not familiar with him.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:52, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Rogers may be basically self-published. M-Y Books Limited is a print on demand service, and many self-publishing authors use print on demand to do the printing (no oversight or fact-checking provided). I can place a query at WP:RS/N, but their website makes them look like a self-publishing service.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:52, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The references all need OCLCs, ISBNs, or ISSNs as applicable.
 Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:09, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That's it for the first pass, placing on hold. Hog Farm Bacon 19:53, 19 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Hog Farm: --
All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:09, 20 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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