Talk:Edward Soriano/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Zawed (talk · contribs) 10:48, 20 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Start of review

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:
Lead is quite short and should be expanded some more.

Unless as as a title (for example, your first usage of the rank major) ranks should not be capitalised (as you have done with the 2nd instance of major). Also wikilink the first mention of major, not the second.

...Soriano came to the United States in the early 1950s when his father, Major Fred Soriano, USA, was assigned to Ft. Benning...: Doesn't flow well. Suggest: "Soriano came to the United States in the early 1950s when his father, a soldier in the United States Army, was assigned to..."

Recite abbreviations in full on first usage, and then abbreviate if you refer to them again. Eg PS, USAFFE

You haven't explicitly stated the father was a POW to the Japanese, but refer to him being a POW "again" in Korea.

There is some confusion RE dates on which he joined the military; the infobox says 1970 but article says he joined after high school. The article then goes on to state that he graduated from university in 1970.

Soriano was commissioned through Army ROTC: A brief explanation of what the Army ROTC is could help add to the article size (but keep the explanation short :)). I assume it was through San Jose University; if so merge these facts together.

There is no date information for most of his commands. It would also be preferable to avoid stating them as a series of sentences as you have done. I would suggest adding in some location information to give context to his commands; for example, it is mentioned in the infobox that he served during Desert Storm - what formation was he commanding and did it do anything notable during the war?

Soriano served as director of homeland security... :in this case, I think the position should be title case.

Since retiring from active duty, Soriano has... :"retiring" is used in consecutive sentences (although separated by a paragraph). I suggest amending this to: "Since his retirement, Soriano has..."

...present President... :swap present for current.
B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:
The medals and ribbons tables have the ref at the bottom, beneath the tables. This looks odd; I suggest checking other GA military bios that has similar tables to see how they are referenced.

You have some deadlinks in your references. As well as being dead, ref 7 is missing the additional information, eg. access date etc, that your other web sources have. I would suggest that you just delete as it looks like it is just cited once, and you already have another cite [5] for that sentence anyway. Refs 10 and 11 are also dead. I suggest archiving your other web cites in case they go dead in the future.

I have checked all the sources, and they should be live now. Either way WP:ROT#Keeping dead links applies, but having live links (or sources that are available online (although not a requirement)) is always preferential.--RightCowLeftCoast (talk) 20:47, 20 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I am unfamiliar with how to archive references, is there a good how to guide to do that?--RightCowLeftCoast (talk) 20:47, 20 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I use Webcite, a Wikipedia page on it is here: Using WebCite. Also, there is text associated with cites 19 and 24 I think shouldn't be there? Zawed (talk) 10:18, 22 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:
No mention of why he was awarded his Distinguished Service Medals. The same is true for the Bronze Star, which I believe is awarded for gallantry in a combat zone. To my mind, these are serious omissions from the article.

When did he marry his wife and does he have any children? Try and work this into body of article.
B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
For the groundbreaking image, amend the caption to identify which one is Soriano (I know he is the one in the suit but I initially thought he was one of the army guys).
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Unfortunately, I suspect there will be a bit work involved in addressing the issues noted. I will check back in a week to see how you are getting on. Cheers. Zawed (talk) 10:48, 20 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I have modified the content (expanding it), and checked all the sources, which should now be live. Please see this diff, and this should cover most if not all concerns that are stated above.

As for the Distinguished Service Medal and Bronze Star; the BSM is not always a medal awarded for valor, only when there is a Valor device attached to it was it awarded for gallantry in combat similarly the DSM is not awarded for gallantry at all, but normally for high ranking meritorious service (this is just a guess, but chances are the awarding was due to completion of commands of Fort Carson then Fort Lewis).

Please let me know what else you believe I can do to improve the article in order to get it to GA.--RightCowLeftCoast (talk) 20:47, 20 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

You are getting there, note my new comment with regard to refs above. Also you may have misinterpreted what I commented on above with regard to his commands (I could have been clearer :)). What I was requesting was to integrate the command information into the article as flowing and readable sentences rather than series of short sentences or a list. For example, referring to ref 9, you could start off with "Soriano's first posting was to Fort Bragg as a second lieutenant where he was Assistant Officer-in-Charge of the 82d Airborne Recondo School for six months after which he was promoted to lieutenant and given command of an anti-tank platoon of the 508th Infantry Regiment. He later served with the 2nd Infantry Division in South Korea. In 1973 he returned to the United States where he served in a series of postings at Fort Lewis and in New York. In 1978 he was posted to the 8th Infantry Division in West Germany for three years, during which he was promoted to major." etc... You don't need to recite all his postings or promotions (but I would specifically mention divisional commands and his promotions to general ranks). I fully take on board your comments RE the DSM and BSM but I'm still uncomfortable that there is no explanation as to what he did to earn it. I'm going to ask for a second opinion on that. Zawed (talk) 10:18, 22 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I expanded the Military career section, and the infobox, please see this diff here; this majorly expands both sections.--RightCowLeftCoast (talk) 20:14, 22 May 2013 (UTC) ~~and given the work on this article would this pass x5 expansion for WP:DYK (2320 characters to 5054 characters (guess not)?~~[reply]

2nd Opinion on DSM and BSM, I would agree with the nom on this one. If the Bronze Star had a V Device it would be something to be included and probably found pretty easily on the Military Times database. Non-combat Bronze Stars are pretty common awards for officers who serve overseas, and it's very hard to find the citations for them. The DSM citations are a little easier to find but since they're also non-combat awards, people don't place as much importance on them, so I would say not to worry about that, either. —Ed!^(talk) 13:04, 22 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Given the expansion you have done and the 2nd opinion, I am happy with the content. Just the issue with refs 20 and 25, as noted previously (looking at it again, 25 combines two different urls?), remains to be sorted. Zawed (talk) 08:58, 23 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I am sorry, I do not understand. Please elaborate what are the issues with citations 20 & 25?

I am able to access the url on source 20, and both urls on source 25. The two sources are bundled to reduce source clutter; which I had done as a recommendation to the A-Class 1st Filipino Infantry Regiment. The source for 20 contains a quote which is in two parts, which is also the case for the first source in 25.--RightCowLeftCoast (talk) 18:22, 23 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Oh OK, those ACR reviewers have more experience with A-class articles than I do so am happy to defer to any approach they have recommended. And I didn't know refs could be bundled like that! I'm just not sure why the need to include the quotes if they are in the websites cited. Just down to personal preference I guess, and it is not a GA requirement. Passing as GA now; btw, you should enter the article into the Milhist article writing contest. Zawed (talk) 10:13, 24 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your reviewing this article, and your suggestions which helped improve it!

I've never really joined any of those contests, and given that I am going to have reduced time editing as far as I can see for the near future it wouldn't be appropriate for me at this time to join in such an endeavor if I am not going to be that active; maybe in the future.--RightCowLeftCoast (talk) 21:41, 24 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]