Talk:Edward D. Boone/GA1
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: DreamRimmerย (talk ยท contribs) 14:55, 3 October 2023 (UTC)
- I'll review this one for you. ๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ 14:55, 3 October 2023 (UTC)
- @DreamRimmer: Thank you for your review. I believe I have addressed all of your comments. Ergo Sum 14:40, 5 October 2023 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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At first glance, it looks fine to me. However, I'd like to offer a few suggestions for improvement. ๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ 16:17, 4 October 2023 (UTC)
Comments
[edit]Early life
[edit]He was educated at private schools in the city, before enrolling at the College of the Holy Cross in Worcester, Massachusetts, where he graduated in 1851.
Please remove the comma after "city" to avoid a potential pause or ambiguity.
He later taught at the novitiate in Frederick then at Saint Joseph's College in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Replace "then at" with "and then at" to clarify the sequence of events.
On July 2, 1866, he was ordained a priest by Martin John Spalding, the Archbishop of Baltimore, at the chapel of St. Mary's Seminary in Baltimore, Maryland.
Add "as" after "ordained" for clarity.- While I have seen "ordained as a priest" used, I think the more common verbiage is "ordained a priest," at least in American English when referring to Catholic priests. Ergo Sum 14:31, 5 October 2023 (UTC)
Ministry and teaching
[edit]- Replace After his ordination, Boone became a parish priest at St. Francis Xavier Church in Leonardtown, Maryland. From 1867 to 1870, he was the vice president of Loyola College in Maryland. He then was a professor at various Jesuit colleges. with
After his ordination, Boone became a parish priest at St. Francis Xavier Church in Leonardtown, Maryland. From 1867 to 1870, he served as the vice president of Loyola College in Maryland. Afterward, he worked as a professor at various Jesuit colleges.
Use of "served as" in the second sentence and "worked as" in the third sentence creates parallelism, making the text flow more smoothly.
College of the Holy Cross
[edit]- In 1880, Boone had plans drafted for a new building, which would contain a gymnasium, laboratory, lecture hall, library, and billiard rooms, but work on this project did not begin until 1890. Rephrase it something like
In 1880, Boone had plans drafted for a new building that would include a gymnasium, laboratory, lecture hall, library, and billiard rooms. However, work on this project did not begin until 1890.
In the 1880s, fundraising, for the first time, began play a significant role in the college.
Add "to" after "began" for smoother flow.- Done. Ergo Sum
- The college catalog of 1879โ1880 solicited donations of up to $50,000 and offered naming privileges for such donations. Rephrase it something like
The college catalog of 1879โ1880 solicited donations of up to $50,000 and offered naming privileges in exchange for such donations.
- In 1883, because he was in poor health, Boone asked the Jesuit Superior General, Peter Jan Beckx, to appoint a replacement, and in June of that year, Boone was succeeded by Robert W. Brady. Rewrite it as
In 1883, due to poor health, Boone asked the Jesuit Superior General, Peter Jan Beckx, to appoint a replacement. In June of that year, Robert W. Brady succeeded Boone.
Later years
[edit]- Add "he" before "was the head chaplain" to make the sentence clearer.
- Replace In December 1915, he was taken to Mercy Hospital in Baltimore, after several months of declining health, where on January 16, 1916, he died. He was the last surviving member of his Holy Cross graduating class. His funeral was held the following day at St. Ignatius Church, and later that day, his body was taken by train to Woodstock, Maryland, and was buried at the Woodstock College cemetery. with
In December 1915, due to several months of declining health, he was admitted to Mercy Hospital in Baltimore. On January 16, 1916, he passed away. He was the last surviving member of his Holy Cross graduating class. His funeral took place the following day at St. Ignatius Church. Later that day, his body was transported by train to Woodstock, Maryland, and laid to rest in the Woodstock College cemetery.
- Mostly done. I have kept "buried" instead of "laid to rest" to err on the side of cuation to avoid using a potential euphemism. I have also kept "after several" instead of "due to several" because it is not clear from the source that his hospitalization was directly caused by the same symptoms he was experiencing the months prior or if new symptoms arose that caused his hospitalization. Ergo Sum 14:40, 5 October 2023 (UTC)
- I agree with the rationale. ๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ 14:43, 5 October 2023 (UTC)
Stability
[edit]- It is stable.
Neutral
[edit]- Meets WP:NPOV.
Coverage
[edit]- Effectively covers all the essential aspects of the topic.
Copyright
[edit]- No copyright violation. Pass. (Earwig/Manually)
References
[edit]- Spot checks
Ref 1, good, Ref 4, good, Ref, 5 good, Ref 9, fine
- I don't see any other issues with it, so passing it. ๐ณ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ 14:51, 5 October 2023 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.