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Talk:Eduard Streltsov/Archive 1

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Archive 1

Some thoughts

Per a nice little nudge, some comments on this nice little article...

  • "who turned out" - not sure this would be worldwide understandable.
  • Not convinced the significance of getting two votes for the Ballon D'or is worthy of being in the lead?
  • "would allow him to participate in the World Cup" - odd logic, or odd expression of logic, without context. I know it's the lead so it need to be a summary but admitting rape allowing him to participate in the WC without explanation as to the fact that (I think) he's going to prison for a shorter sentence (?) so he can be out and fit and ready for the WC some years later...
  • Now you can take this with a pinch of salt; the Early life section is fine, and better safe than sorry, but you've referenced every single clause - that's 12 uses of ref [1] in about as many sentences. Is this really required? It's a little bit off-putting....
  • Birth month, June or July? Lead vs Early life vs Infobox...
  • "..and following a footballing career spent exclusively with Spartak's rivals Torpedo..." - good, but seems a little odd in the early life section.
  • Would prefer you link "first season" to the 1954 soviet season rather than just the year "1954" as that could be a touch misleading (ie people may think it leads to 1954).
  • You could link hat-trick more specifically to Hat-trick#Association football, if you like....!
  • "on the 15th" is this still April? Not clear, same for the following date. I'd prefer to see just full dates...
  • Arguably you've overlinked Spartak, mind you I'm not that fussed.
  • "to be the thirteenth-equal best player" reads poorly for me... can't suggest an alternative right now, but it feels like me saying "I was the eleventh-equal best poker player"... not that brilliant...
  • No, you've def overlinked Spartak, I can see three links now...
  • "10–0 victory away to Finland" - victory away against Finland?
  • Same comment about over-referencing now applies for ref [4], but once again I can understand if you just say "forget it dude"..
  • "either "I would never marry that monkey" or "I would rather be hanged than marry such a girl"..." - this could use a note to explain why two such different quotes could have been overheard.
  • "Streltsov married a short time.." - who did he marry? May be worth making it clear (unless I missed something, Match of the Day has just started to be fair...)
  • "would later say" - said later?
  • " and allowed to return" - and was allowed? Just me perhaps..
  • "trick away to Chile in December" - away against Chile?
  • "studied at the Institute of Physical Culture" - what did he study?
  • "to come from" - not sure you need "to come" here.
  • If it was me, I may well pipe-link the Torpedo Stadium first rather than the renamed version...
  • "Strelyets" prizes or Strelyets prizes?
  • " Streltsov's conviction of rape posthumously overturned in order to clear Streltsov's name" clear "his" name?
  • Posthumous award of his Olympic gold medal - this is mentioned in the table but (unless I missed it) not in the main body...
  • Ref 14 could use a language tag.

That is, as they say, that. Very nice article. The Rambling Man (talk) 23:29, 7 November 2009 (UTC)

Talk:Eduard Streltsov/Archive 1/GA1

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