Talk:Edith Roosevelt/GA1

GA Review

Passed. ❤History Theorist❤ 02:31, 19 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Thebiguglyalien (talk · contribs) 23:59, 16 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: HistoryTheorist (talk · contribs) 23:53, 2 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hey! I'd like to review this article. This article might take a bit of time for me to review as it's a bit longer and final exams are coming up for me, but I should have it mostly completed by next Sunday (or maybe even next next Sunday because I might need to take a trek to the Seattle Central library to get some of those juicy print-disabled books). ❤History Theorist❤ 23:53, 2 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

It's no problem! I've got plenty of other projects to work on, and it might take me a bit to respond as well. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 00:25, 4 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

If you qualify, you can apply for print disabled. Of course, make sure you're honest because you don't have to verify it in any way. In fact, any random person who needs access to the books could apply for it and it only takes a few days. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 01:44, 5 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Unless having glasses for nearsightedness counts, I'm not print-disabled, unfortunately. ❤History Theorist❤ 20:15, 5 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Update: Final exams are over, so I can really dig into the review. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find two of the print-disabled books at the library and ILL will be too slow, but I'll do the best with what I've got. ❤History Theorist❤ 19:43, 10 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Update 2: @Thebiguglyalien: I have reviewed enough of the article to be (mostly) done giving comments. I am going to put it on hold and will give you 8 days (I'm leaving for vacation on June 27) to respond to the comments. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or clarifications. ❤History Theorist❤ 22:31, 18 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

HistoryTheorist, that should be everything so far. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 02:13, 19 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Alright! I am very, very happy to pass the article! ❤History Theorist❤ 02:30, 19 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Lede

The Roosevelts moved back and forth between New York and Washington as Theodore's political career progressed, and she became a public figure as Theodore's wife as he became a war hero in the Spanish–American War and got elected governor of New York.
- I think this sentence could probably use some syntax changes for readability. While you have lots of options for improving this sentence, I'd suggest switching the clauses as Theodore's political career progressed and The Roosevelts moved back and forth between New York and Washington. Perhaps naming Edith might help, but I'm not so sure about that. This is kind of a nitpick though, so take it or leave it if you like.
- I went ahead and split them into separate sentences.

Early Life

Childhood

Looks good. The only thing I would suggest is that you should rephrase and Edith's early schooling took place at the Roosevelt home, as well as etiquette instruction at the Dodsworth School. I would suggest rephrasing that phrase to something like and Edith's early schooling took place at the Roosevelt home, as well as at the Dodsworth School, where she received etiquette and dancing instruction.
- Done.

Adolescence and young adulthood

No concerns. I will AGF on all statements cited to Morris 1980, as I lack access to that book.

Marriage and Family

Sagamore Hill

I made a few minor copyedits that you might want to review and revert if you see fit. Otherwise, there are no concerns there.

First Lady of the United States

Becoming First Lady

she was in a fear of constant worry seems a bit redundant. one to describe her anxiety would make the sentence flow smoother.
- Done, not sure why it was written like that.

Life as First Lady

When you write about the meetings Edith would arrange with the cabinet wives, you mention that these meetings allow them to collaborate? Who is collaborating with whom? This may or may not necessitate a modification to the sentence, but I find it a bit confusing. Also, I would advise splitting up that sentence as I found it a bit hard to follow.
- Rewritten.
In the beginning of the second paragraph, I made a minor copyedit to say that Edith was acting as the caregiver. I didn't like the original wording, and while I think what's currently written is an improvement, I don't like it much either. All this is to say: if you object to the wording as it stands or have a better idea, please insert it into the text!
In that same area, you might want to see if you can find a different word/phrasing so that words caregiver and care aren't so close together. That might not be possible, but I think it sounds a bit redundant. Also, this might remedy the previous comment.
- Reworded.

Political Influence

This is a tiny nitpick, but when you quote Gifford Pinchot, is there a reason why there is an ellipsis? The Gould book makes it seem like the quoted area is the full quote, but perhaps you're basing the quote off a better source.
- The full quote is "how much more Mrs. T.R. had to do with Government business than was commonly supposed", which didn't really fit the sentence structure.

Legacy

Contemporary views of Edith nonetheless saw her as withdrawn because of her emphasis on privacy.
- Not seeing how the citation directly supports that. From reading the source material, I'm inclined to believe such a connection exists but I'm not seeing it in Gould 48.
- It looks like that was supposed to cover "historical image of Edith Roosevelt as first lady is one of restraint and withdrawal" and so on. I thought about rewording it, but it doesn't actually add anything that hasn't already been said, so I removed it.
Earwig is pretty happy when it comes to copyvios, however, the last paragraph reads almost verbatim from a Time magazine article. Here's the link for your reference. Perhaps you could rephrase the paragraph to avoid such similarity? If there aren't any better alternatives, just let me know.
- I swear, every time I'm merciful and leave a previously-existing paragraph untouched! Okay, I rewrote it and trimmed it down. Personally I didn't really consider it important, but it doesn't hurt to keep it.

Historical Evaluation

In the paragraph, you mention Gould. I assume that's Lewis Gould? If so, you should include his first name the first time you introduce his analysis on Edith's views on race.
- Good catch, added. I also saw he had an article so I linked it too.

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.