Talk:Eber Brock Ward/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: JPxG (talk · contribs) 02:30, 7 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.

This is an interesting article. I like Detroit and I like steel! I am glad of you having written it, and enjoyed reading it.

There are a few things in here which get my noggin joggin' and I think some copyediting might be necessary. The sources seem to be mainly books, which I cannot easily check, but I will go over the online sources to the best of my ability. Here are some things I have to say:

He even was one of the promoters of the Soo Locks of which he was one of the first to use, as at first he hauled schooners overland around the Soo Rapids to sail Lake Superior.

I'll be a stickler for "he hauled schooners". I think that, in all likelihood, "his schooners were hauled" by someone else. The same goes for him "building ships" later, which it doesn't seem like he actually did himself (unless the sources say he did). This sentence is structured a bit awkwardly as well.
Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:10, 7 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

He was one of four children. The eldest was Emily, who remained a spinster until her death, Sallie the second, Eber Brock the third, and Abbie the fourth.

There are a lot of sentences which could stand to be a lot clearer, of which this is an example. Commas would do a lot to help here, but restructuring the sentence might be good as well.
Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:02, 7 March 2021 (UTC)Doug Coldwell (talk)[reply]

His father with the family then changed his plans of moving to Kentucky and went to Ohio instead. Once in Ohio for only a short time his father decided to move to Detroit, which they reached by 1821 when Ward was nine to ten years old.

It takes a lot of effort to understand what's being said here. I hate to keep yelling "commas", but, you know, they're, helpful,,,
Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:38, 7 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Detroit had been destroyed 16 years earlier and what Ward saw was a small town of 1,400 but the capital of the Michigan territory.

Destroyed by what? The reader might be enlightened by knowing it was a fire. Also, there is a talk page section about this being an overly rosy view of what he did.
Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:38, 7 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

He noticed young Ward's high energy and enthusiasm for life

This might be a little excessive. It seems to me like the main factor here was probably that Ward was his nephew.
Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:24, 8 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

among the many steamers and sailing ships he built were the Arctic, Atlantic, B.F. Wade, Detroit, General Harrison, Huron, Montgomery, Ocean, Pacific, Planet, Samuel Ward, The Caspian, The Champion, and The Pearl.

I am not an expert on ship names, but "he built the The Caspian, the The Champion, and the The Pearl" seems improper. Also, saying that he built the ships seems questionable (unless the source says that he was actually there in the shipyard slapping pitch on the hulls).
Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:14, 8 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

in the 1869 purchased a tract of land which consisting of 70,000 acres in the Fourth Ward of Ludington on Lake Pere Marquette which was accessible by the Pere Marquette River.

This sentence has a few errors in it.
Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:38, 8 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

The part about Ludington being arrested for stealing Ward's timber could be clearer. I don't know about "thrown in" jail.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:50, 8 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Commas in the steel manufacturing section... among a few others, With its capabilities to create large amounts of steel for his automobile assembly lines Ford produced his cars seems awkward.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 8 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Re: wives, we see that His first wife was Maryell but then we see that he married Mary Margaret McQueen and he married Catherine Lyon. Who's Maryell?

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:02, 8 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

his son Henry, insane from 15, was committed to the Michigan State Hospital

This could do with some more clarification from source on which hospital he was in (there were a few referred to by this name, like the one in Northville, the one in Ypsilanti, the one in Kalamazoo, etc) and what was his deal (as far as I can tell, 19th century definitions of insanity included a wide range of things from autism to psychosis to homosexuality).
Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:08, 8 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

ran off with a Hungarian gypsy

This does not seem very encyclopedic.
Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:08, 8 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Another thing that seems strange: I don't get why File:Clara Ward, Post Card1.jpg had to be cropped so close to go in the article (and with a strange circular crop).

Done - Put in full portrait picture. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:24, 8 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Anyway, I am glad to see an article about Michigan history, and I am glad to see an article about a Detroit-area steel mill. Good stuff! jp×g 06:23, 7 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Working Thanks for review. I'll start working on the issues.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:59, 7 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@JPxG: All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:24, 8 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah, copy edits concluded (there were a few contradictory figures I had to resolve). It looks good now, passing.