Talk:Dying Light/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: IceWelder (talk · contribs) 15:29, 19 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I will review this during the week. Regards, IceWelder [✉] 15:29, 19 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Infobox

The engine used does not appear sourced or ever mentioned in the aricle.
When the game was released, "OS X" was already called "macOS", so use that instead.
Linux should be sorted before Microsoft Windows.
The release dates are not mentioned fully in the article body (the macOS date is not mentioned at all), and neither are the three PC platforms. Please add them to the Marketing and release section.

Lead

"... an Middle-eastern ..." - Should be "... a Middle Eastern ...".
"... in which zombies would be slow ..." - Should be "... are slow ..."
Instead of "free running", use "parkour", which is used in the body.

"OS X" -> "macOS" like in the infobox.

"... which features a new city and a new protagonist ..." - This is not in the body. Please add it there or remove it here.

Gameplay

"... called the city of Harran ..." - Is it called "the city of Harran" or just "Harran"? If it is the prior, "City" should be capitalised.
- "called" is also repeated in this sentence.
"... this urban environment which is ..." - There should be a comma before "which".
Add a wikilink for "zip-lining" and possibly use an Oxford comma there for clarity.
The wording sometimes switches between "players" and "the player", but just one should be used.

In the sentence about daytime durations, try to avid the repetition of "approximately" and "lasts".
I also recommend using "day–night cycle", as you do in the development section, and wikilink it like in the lead.
"... and gas tanks to kill the infected" - There should be a comma after "gas tanks" (as part of ", such as ...,"), although an emdash might aid the clarity.
"They gain the ability to ..." - Avoid repeating "ability" in this sentence.
"Survivor Sense" should be in lower-case and in double-quotes, just like in the first paragraph.

Wikilink "gauze", "assault rifle"
This section uses "utilise" (BE), while the first paragraph use "utilize" (AE). The EngVar should be streamlined (there are scripts that can do this, too).
Wrap "such as firecrackers which distract enemies and explosives like molotov cocktails" with commas (this also helps clarity).

"Crane's combat efficiency is ..." - Crane was not introduced before but is used three times in this paragraph. Either remove these mentions or introduce Crane early in the section (as in, "The player controls ...").
"... if killed during the day there is no such penalty at night." - There should be a comma between "day" and "there".

Avoid repeating "multiplayer" in the first sentence. The second mention might just be removed as the context is clear.
"Co-operative" is usually spelled "cooperative" (as per our article), but this paragraph uses both variations.

Synopsis

The link Harran is misleading as the city in the game is fictional (while the real one is in ruins).
Maybe wikilink "viral outbreak" (e.g. to pandemic).

Wikilink "blackmail".
Suraj Partha is the only named actor, consider removing them or naming all relevant actors.
"Crane is introduced to Rahim Aldemir ..., who taught him the basics of parkour." - Them being introduced suggests it is their first meeting, but the parkour-teaching appears to have happened in the past.
"... and hoards supplies from the GRE airdrops, including Antizin ..." - This sentence reads poorly due to its length. Consider splitting it after "airdrops".
"... was actually bitten and had turned while Crane was gone ..." and "... she was also bitten and will soon turn" - Should there be "into an infected" or is this how it is told in the game (might be colloquial)?
"... that he is close to the cure" should be "... that he is close to developing a cure" (or similar).

Development

"The development of Dying Light started in early 2012 by the core team of Techland, which had released Dead Island in 2011." - This sounds a bit off/ambiguous. Suggestion: "The core team of Techland, which had previously released Dead Island in 2011, commenced development on Dying Light in early 2012."
"... deviated considerably from the original" = Please clarify, is "the original" Dead Island or a prototype for Dying Light?

I don't think you need to use "Free running (a.k.a. parkour)" here, especially since freerunning and parkour are defined differently. It would suffice to use "parkour" here since it was used before.
"... to implement a new system which scans all possible climbable objects and recognised them as hooks" - Use "that" instead of "which" and "recognises" instead of "recognised" (to be in the same tense as "scans")
In the same sentence, "new" is redundant.
"head-up display" should be "heads-up display".

The two sentences starting with "The day–night cycle concept was envisioned by Ciszewski ..." are not covered by the adjacent (you likely wanted to use #25).
"The day–night cycle helped make Harran a more believable setting." - This sounds more like an opinion than a fact. Consider rephrasing or removing this.
"Middle-eastern" should be "Middle Eastern" (and maybe mention this in the Setting section as well).
"Wroclaw" should be "Wrocław".
Unlink "Brazil" (commonly known country).

"Tymon Smektala" should be "Tymon Smektała".
more "serious and mature" seems like a misquote. In the source, Smektała says "more mature and more serious". Consider paraphrasing.
"Concerned that the team, who are Poles, were creating ..." - "team" is singular, so there should be appropriate verb forms. Suggestion: "Concerned that the team, comprised of Poles, was creating ..."
Also, I think the sentence is supposed to say that Techland was concerned that they were not catering to the US/Canada market. It currently suggests Jolley was hired to deter Americans.
"Inspirations for the story were also drawn ..." - "also" is unnecessary here since no other inspiration was mentioned yet.
"Maciej Binkowski felt that the game features ..." - Should be "featured" due to indirect speech.
Per MOS:SEAOFBLUE, delink "martial arts" (or replace it with "technique", which seems more appropriate).
"... the programmers and the designers ..." - The second "the" is unnecessary.

Marketing and release

As stated above, mention the full release dates in this section, as well as their respective platforms. The first sentence could already state which platforms the game was initially planned for.
Conversely, the exact dates of announcements might be too much detail since the announcements are not tied to their dates. Just the month–year combination should suffice in those cases.
I also feel like it should be mentioned when Dying Light was first announced. Ref #41, which seems to be in the wrong place, could be used for that.

'"Be the Zombie mode"' should be 'The "Be the Zombie" mode'.
Wikilink "pre-order bonus".
"Preorders" should be "Pre-orders in line with the other mentions.
'... the "Cuisine & Cargo" downloadable content (DLC) and the Ultimate Survivor Bundle DLC packs ...' repeats "DLC". Suggestions: '... the "Cuisine & Cargo" and "Ultimate Survivor Bundle" downloadable content (DLC) packs ...'
In "On Steam, players could also pre-order 4 copies of the game for the cost of 3.", "4" and "3" should be spelt out.

"The first DLC, ..." - DLC is repeated from the sentence prior but can just be removed.
"... was released on 10 March 2015, and adds new character skins ..." - Like with the other DLC, "adds" should be past-tense. The same goes for the subsequent two additions (hard mode and "The Bozak Horde"). The comma also seems out-of-place.

Wikilink "patch" to video game patch.
"... a new patch ..." - "new" is redundant here.
"the developer's tool" reads clunkily here, consider using "development tools" or something aking to "source development kit" instead.

"which cost £250,000 (roughly $380,000)" - The source says $386,000. Also, add "at the time" since conversion rates change frequently.
Since this talks about a specific campaign, 'a "Drink for DLC" campaign' should be 'the "Drink for DLC" campaign'.
I'd also be interested how this campaign ended. This is optional, of course.

"... and also for separate purchase." - This should be "... and also be available for separate purchase."
"... all the DLCs ..." - This should be "... all DLC ..."

"As the game was able to maintain a steady player base, ..." - This does not seem to be covered by the sources. Might be original research.
"... a new DLC pack ..." - "new" is redundant here.

Reception

Optional, but consider adding a sentence about the Metacritic rating.
"Kevin VanOrd from GameSpot, stated ..." - The comma is unnecessary.
GameSpot's review should be cited.
Generally try to avoid repeating "felt" in this section, it is used 13 times.
'... and criticised the villain for being "entertainingly cliched"' - "entertainingly" does not seem to indicate criticism.
The source also says "entertainingly cliché villains" instead of "entertainingly cliched.

"Christopher Livington" should be "Christopher Livingston" (also misspelt in the citation).
"... the responsive control ..." - I believe this should be "controls".
'He added that night gameplay is "exhilarating" ...', '... the differences between daytime and nighttime gameplay are "remarkable"' and others within the same paragraph. - Past tense should be used due to indirect speech.

"... in other triple-A open world games ..." - "triple-A" is more commonly rendered as "AAA", which has been mentioned before, and "open world" should be "open-world" here.
After "..., Assassin's Creed and Far Cry", sort the references. The same for the subsequent sentence.

"... after they have finished the campaign" - Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this should say "... after they finished the campaign".
'... would be "a blast" if players play in a full lobby' - This should be '... would be "a blast" if players played in a full lobby' or '... was be "a blast" when players play in a full lobby', depending on what you want to say.
"... believed multiplayer enhances ..." - Missing "the".
"... the campaign's difficult section ..." - Should be plural, as it is in the source.

"The game also debuted at No. 1 on the UK software retail chart for two weeks" - Try to rephrase this, as you cannot debut for two weeks.
Also trim down the announcement dates and phrasing (e.g. "X million people played it by Y" instead of "In Y, Techland announced that ...").

Related media

This section is rather short. Maybe you could add some more details about the book, such as its release. These sources might help: [1][2].
If the section remains this short despite the expansion, consider merging it with the Sequels section.

Sequels

The two paragraphs can probably be merged. Also, put the Hellraid cancellation first as it happened first.
"It is a battle royale game which ..." should probably be "It is a battle royale game that ...".
"so as to allow" feels clunky, you can shorten it to "to allow".

Other

The External links section contains no external links. Either remove or fill this section.
PlayStation LifeStyle is not considered a reliable source. Please remove/replace it where possible.

@OceanHok: Very nice article. There are some minor wording problems, but the article will easily become a GA with those fixed. I am putting the review On hold for now. Regards, IceWelder [✉] 21:04, 24 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@IceWelder: - Thanks for the review! I think I have addressed all the issues you have mentioned above. OceanHok (talk) 05:12, 25 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

OceanHok, very nice work so far. I noticed that one instance of PlayStation LifeStyle remains intact, is this intentional? Some minor grammar issues were introduced with the last edits, such as '... and wrote that the villain for being "entertainingly cliched"'.

One tiny thing I just noticed is that the image caption for David Belle could use a full stop. Lastly, the Marketing and release section still contains some announcements dates that could leave out the exact date. This way, sentences like "On 17 January 2015, Techland announced that physical copies of Dying Light had been delayed due to ..." could be restructured like e.g. "Physical copies of Dying Light had were delayed due to ...".

Regards, IceWelder [✉] 14:10, 25 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@IceWelder: - I thought I only used PS LifeStyle once and did not realize that I have it in the gameplay section. I have removed it and addressed the other issues. OceanHok (talk) 15:47, 25 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Nicely done.

Passed. IceWelder [✉] 16:00, 25 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]