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Talk:Drama dari Krakatau/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Rosiestep (talk · contribs) 03:56, 28 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this one in the next 7 days. --Rosiestep (talk) 03:56, 28 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]


Lead
  • "... already already"
Plot
  • Waringin - what is Waringin, i.e. a town, a language?
  • Add comma to separate introductory elements:
    • "In the meantime the volcano..."
    • "Several days later he..."
    • "The following morning Moelia..." -
  • "... and Tjakra Amidjaja and Sadidjah stay behind to manage the evacuation." - Why would they stay behind to manage the evacuation, i.e. did one of them hold a leadership/managerial role in the village?
  • Mount Ciwalirang - I googled it and couldn't find anything about a real place with this name. Is it fictional or is there an alternate spelling?
  • "Forty-four years later, Moelia, son of the Regent of Rangkas Gombang and Assistant Wedana of Sindanglaut, hears of a Baduy priest known as Noesa Brama, who has established himself and his family on Mount Ciwalirang and begun curing the sick and injured." - clunky sentence (and/and/and/and)
  • "The following week, the men from Palembang lie to the police, leading to Noesa Brama's arrest for planning a rebellion, then convince Retna Sari and her mother before departing for Sumatra. " - What do they convince Retna Sari and her mother to do or believe?
  • to follow them
  • "...who returns home only to find ..." - is 'only' necessary?
  • "...Moelia informs his father, revealed to be Hasan, of the eruptions, and the regent comes over. There..." - Comes over where? And where is 'there'?
  • "Noesa Brama accepts the proposal, but after he discovers that Retna Sari and Soerijati had not willingly gone with the men from Palembang he expresses regret over the destruction of the statue. " - add comma after Palembang to set off parenthetical elements
  • "Later, hoping that the spirits of he and his ancestors..." - How about "Later, hoping that his spirits and those of his ancestors..."
  • "Several weeks later, activity at the volcano drops, although it remains active." - Is this the end of the plot? I guess I want the story to continue!
  • Yep. That's where it ends. The final two sentences (quick translation) are "It was clear that in Krakatau there was a battle between the forces of destruction (i.e. the curse of the statue) and safety (i.e. Noesa Brahma and his ancestors). Who would finally emerge victorious"? — Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:26, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Writing
  • "In 1928 Kwee was asked..." - Add comma to separate introductory elements
  • "Ongoing activity at Krakatoa was foremost in his mind" - 'his' appears to refer to the friend vs. Kwee
  • "Hoping to keep his story ground in reality" - grounded
  • "...which in the first printing were ..." - add commas to separate parenthetical elements

More later. --Rosiestep (talk) 02:11, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • "...the author was asked to prepare a "sensational" story for a film" - 'film' is never mentioned again; do we know why?
Plot
  • Mount Ciwalirang - As "Kwee was a staunch supporter of realism in literature", why would he write of a fictional mountain? I understand that you might not be able to locate an answer, but I'm scratching my head here wondering about this.
  • One obviously has to draw a line somewhere (otherwise why use fictional characters?). Honestly I'm more surprised that he was so influenced by Ibsen yet still included so much mysticism. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 03:20, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Themes
  • wl - Dutch East Indies (I do see it wl'ed in the infobox but a reader might not notice that)
  • "Chinese Malay works which only featured Native characters had only developed in the 1920s." - only/only; can this be reworded?
  • "Drama dari Krakatau was set in a rural area" - is set? (present tense is used throughout the paragraph)
Works cited
  • Benitez, J. Francisco B. (2004). Awit and Syair: Alternative Subjectivities and Multiple Modernities in Nineteenth Century Insular Southeast Asia (Ph.D. thesis). Madison: University of Wisconsin - it links to the The university of Hong Kong Libraries rather than to the U of Wisconsin

Done with the review. Let me know if you need me to put this on hold. --Rosiestep (talk) 03:00, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality:
    B. MoS compliance:
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. References to sources:
    B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
    C. No original research:
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:
    B. Focused:
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:

Good job; looks adequate for GA. --Rosiestep (talk) 03:48, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

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