Talk:Downtown Triangle (Jerusalem)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Casliber (talk · contribs) 14:38, 28 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Right, I will take a look and jot queries below....Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 14:38, 28 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

~~From the mid-1940s through the 1960s, the Triangle was "the commercial, cultural and economic center of...Jerusalem"~~ ~~- surely we can write this without quotes and paraphrase differently?~~

Done Yoninah (talk) 01:02, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

~~the commercial viability of the Triangle deteriorated~~ ~~- erg, if it did decline, just say so, no need to go on about viability if it was an actuality I think......~~

I changed "deteriorated" to "declined" - is that what you wanted? Yoninah (talk) 01:02, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Sort of...when I wrote it I was more concerned about the term "viability" but on thinking about it again am ok with it. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 01:56, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

History

~~Did the old commercial segment(s) of Jaffa Road overlap with what is now the Triangle, or was it in a different bit?~~

The commercial strip called Jaffa Road extended from the Old City Walls westward, passing the triangle. I made a small change in the article, and will try to see if I can find a source. Yoninah (talk) 01:02, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Done Good thing I looked at the source again. I edited this section accordingly. Yoninah (talk) 21:18, 2 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

~~How did the name arise? was it officially designated or did it come about as an informal name?~~

Since the British developed a triangular district, it was popularly called "the Triangle". I'll try to find a source. Yoninah (talk) 01:02, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Done Source added in parentheses. Yoninah (talk) 21:18, 2 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

~~demand for "detective stories, histories, and newspapers from Germany and England".~~ ~~- I think we can rewrite this without quotes too..~~

Done Yoninah (talk) 01:02, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

~~A standout example is the Sansur building~~ ~~- don't need to mention it is a "standout example" as merely mentioning the building here notes this...let the facts speak for themselves.~~

Done Yoninah (talk)

~~I'd link cold cuts, neo-Renaissance, classicist~~

Done Yoninah (talk)

Decline and rebirth

~~weaning customers away from the city center.~~ ~~- I'd say "weaning off" or "drawing away" but not "weaning away"....~~

Done Yoninah (talk)

Bombing attacks

I'd not have "(see Ben Yehuda Street bombings)" in body of text but make a seealso note under the header and maybe note how many there'd been or discuss a tiny bit more.

OK, will expand. Yoninah (talk) 01:02, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I think I'd have Zion Square refrigerator bombing as a single sentence rather than a seealso. Also does the area have any obvious increased security or memorials from these? Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 00:40, 3 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Done I expanded the section and moved the Zion Square refrigerator bombing into a sentence. I found only one mention of a memorial, though the next time I go downtown I could look around for other, smaller memorial plaques. There is no increased security presence to my knowledge. Yoninah (talk) 21:53, 11 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Landmarks

If many of these won't have independent daughter articles, I'd add a sentence or two to give them some colour and make the section less listy.

OK, will expand. Yoninah (talk) 01:02, 29 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Done Yoninah (talk) 22:01, 19 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Otherwise a nice read and (I think) within striking distance of GA status...cheers, Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 15:03, 28 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the speedy review! I'll start addressing your concerns. Yoninah (talk) 17:31, 28 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I apologize, I've been unable to work on this due to work and family concerns. Expanding the bombing attacks section is going to take some time; I was planning to research that when I expand Ben Yehuda Street. The expansion of Landmarks is more minor, but I'm not finding time to do it. Could this be put on hold? Yoninah (talk) 15:04, 8 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah, happy to leave this open until you get to it - prefer that it gets done right once rather than yo-yoing, so take your time and I will leave this open. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 23:39, 11 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. I think I covered everything now. Yoninah (talk) 22:01, 19 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

1. Well written?:

Prose quality: