Talk:Down (Fifth Harmony song)/GA2

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: MrClog (talk · contribs) 12:00, 18 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I will review this within 7 days. --MrClog (talk) 12:00, 18 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Failed "good article" nomination

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

The comments in this review include comments from the first GA review.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
Please see the comments below.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
Please see the comments below.
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
Very good!
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
The issues addressed below need to be fixed before this could be a GA. Considering some sections in the article will need quite some work (rewrite, etc.), I do not think that these issues could reasonably be fixed by temporarily placing this review on hold. Also, the nominator is not active.

--MrClog (talk) 19:20, 23 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Comments from the first review that are unaddressed:

(1a) I am confused by the following sentence "Although it is written in a romantic perspective, "Down" was inspired by the group's bond as a quartet and the adversities they have faced together and individually.". You say in the beginning that it was written from a romantic perspective, yet contradict it in the second half by saying they wrote it about their bond as a group. I would revise the beginning to make it clear that critics/listeners may perceive it as a love song as I think that it was you are really getting at with this contrast.
(1a) In the lead’s second paragraph, you break up the criticism about the song and its similarities with “Work from Home” into two sentences. It makes the section awkward and repetitive so I would avoid that.
(1a+b) I have two issues with this sentence "This marked their first single since the departure of original member Camila Cabello in December 2016.". One, I would discourage you from starting a sentence with “This” as it can lead to confusion about what you are referencing. Two, I do not understand the placement of this sentence in the lead. Right now, it is at the end of the third paragraph and follows the information on the song’s promotion (i.e. the music video and live performances). This sentence deals more with the song’s release and seems better suited for the first paragraph. In its current placement, it seems rather abrupt.
(1a) For this sentence (While Normani Kordei sings the second verse, "You the type that I could bake for / 'Cause baby, you know how to take that cake”.), the “while” does not make sense in this context as there is no point of comparison being made so remove it.
(2b) This part (Jauregui is in the driver's seat, adjusting her rear-view mirror. Each member steps out of a Dodge Durango. All of them are dressed in retro-style outfits and head towards a room individually. Four doors close simultaneously as the title of the song appears. Jauregui is in a room as dim violet neon lights brighten it as an electric fan circulates air.) requires a citation.
(2b) You mention in the lead that “It was included as part of their set list on the PSA Tour (2017-18).”, but the information is not in the section or cited.

(1a) The Critical reception section at this point only lists opinions without a clear structure, which makes it confusing. Please see this essay for more information. The section will need a rewrite, probably.
(1a) The above also goes for the Reception and accolades subsection.