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Talk:Doreen Valiente/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:01, 28 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]


Hi! Will post my comments over the next few days. Sainsf <^>Feel at home 06:01, 28 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks, Sainsf! Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:33, 28 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Fairly well-written and comprehensive. My comments:

Lead
  • (4 January 1922 – 1 September 1999) I think unspaced endash is used in such cases.
  • Subsequently becoming the High Priestess of Gardner's Bricket Wood coven when?
  • The sources that I looked at do not provide a specific date, but reveal that it was fairly soon after her initiation; whether that means 1953, 1954, or even 1955 isn't clear though. I've changed "subsequently" to "soon" in the article lede. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:17, 2 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • although later broke from this group I think there should be "she" before "later".
  • I think we should add a few words on how she passed away.
  • magical partner The meaning may not been clear at once, though I can't suggest any alternative at the moment.
Early life 1922–52
  • Colliers Wood is linked twice
  • although Doreen was never baptised "although" should be replaced by "however", I think.
  • left at the age of 15 Better say she left "it", it may suddenly appear she left home.
  • message decryption May be good to have a link here.
  • known only as "Zerki" "only"? It may strike as odd unless we know the reason of its use.
  • she selected "Ameth" as her magical name What exactly is a "magical name"?
  • Link esoteric.
Gerald Gardner and the Bricket Wood Coven 1952–57
  • in 1952 Valiente wrote a letter to Williamson "Valiente wrote a letter to Williamson in 1952" would look better.
  • Middle Ages may be linked
  • Gardner invited Doreen again You refer to her as Valiente elsewhere.
Robert Cochrane and Where Witchcraft Lives 1957–69
  • while she also have a speech Error?
  • L'Estrange Ewen is a redlink, can you give an idea of who the person was?
  • He was a historian of witchcraft, I shall make that clear in the prose. 21:39, 2 May 2016 (UTC)
  • it was never published Maybe add "however"? Any idea why it was not published?
  • suicide at Midsummer 1966 I think it should be "on" not "at".
  • Duplinks: Midsummer, Sussex, Margaret Murray
The Pagan Front, National Front, and further publications 1970–84
  • Wiccan high priestess Sally Griffyn Should it be "High Priestess" as earlier?
  • Valiente biographer Perhaps "Valiente's" would sound more proper.
Autobiography and final years 1985–1999
  • Duplinks: Pagan Federation, Alex Sanders, Ronald Hutton
  • It would be published by Hale Anything more on Hale? Where is it based? May be relevant here.
  • Hale is already discussed in the section on "The Pagan Front, National Front, and further publications: 1970–84" so I'm not sure that it is necessary to go into further depth here. However I'm happy to discuss this in greater depth if you like. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:18, 2 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Personality and personal life
  • Do we need to link football?
  • This section hardly discusses her personal life, which is described in her biography above. This can simply be named as "Personality"
Reception and legacy
  • You can say CPS instead of Centre for Pagan Studies.

@Midnightblueowl: That should be it. These addressed, I would be happy to promote this article. Cheers! Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:11, 1 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks Sainsf! Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:55, 2 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the changes. The one remaining point done, I would be happy to promote this. Cheers, Sainsf (talk · contribs) 01:43, 3 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Sorted. Thanks again Sainsf! Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:44, 3 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
This is ready for promotion, then. Great job! Sainsf (talk · contribs) 16:01, 3 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]