Talk:Don Demeter/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: LM150 (talk · contribs) 11:41, 21 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Happy to review this, and good job so far! It was a good read and I did not see any major issues with the prose. Here are my comments/feedback:

Lead

Unlink "American" in the first sentence
"pool-building business" - might need to be clearer, building water pools or pool tables? (same for in the personal life section)

Early life

Unlink "baseball", "basketball" and "football". These are all common terms and not very useful to general readers

Minor league career

"Back in the States" - should be U.S or United States

Philadelphia Phillies

"1962 was a breakout season" - avoid starting the sentence with a number
1963 season - should we switch the order of the last two paragraphs? Eg. 1965 interview at the end
"Sievers was dealing with a broken rib" - perhaps "Sievers had a broken rib"

Detroit Tigers

"didn't get the chance" - should be 'did not'
Just a general observation - all over the article, we refer to his surname "Demeter" quite a lot. You might be able to swap a few for the pronouns "he" and "him" instead. Thanks, LM150 11:41, 21 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for making the changes, I made a few copyedits too. Images and sources look fine. No copyright violations detected. Stable. Y Congrats, now passing! LM150 22:16, 25 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]