Talk:Disaster! (musical)

This article was the subject of an educational assignment. Further details were available on the "Education Program:North Carolina State University/COM 257 Media History and Theory (Spring 2014)" page, which is now unavailable on the wiki.

In-class peer review

comments by Aces Heustess

THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS ARE MOSTLY GRAMMATICAL EDITS TO HELP MAINTAIN THE FLOW OF THE ARTICLE

OLD

The show first debuted at Triad Theatre, now Stage 72, in 2012,[1] and now has a second production at New York’s St. Luke's Theatre running from November 2013 through March of 2014.

NEW

In 2012, the show first debuted at the Triad Theatre, now called Stage 72.[1] The second production is currently being held at New York’s St. Luke's Theatre from November 2013 to March 2014.

OLD

Disaster! parodies and pays comedic tribute to the genre of 1970s disaster films.

NEW

Disaster! parodies and pays comedic tribute to 1970s disaster films.

OLD

In this musical, a group of New Yorkers attends the opening of a floating casino and discotheque that quickly succumbs to multiple disasters.

NEW

In this musical, a group of New Yorkers attend the opening ceremony of a floating casino and discotheque which' quickly succumbs to multiple disasters.

comments by User2

PLOT-The play is set 1979 Manhattan and it is the opening night of the first floating casino/discotheque to hit Jersey. This sentence needs to be reworded. You say the play is set in Manhattan but it is the first casino/discotheque to hit Jersey...Kind of confusing

People from across the state gather for a night of gambling and dancing, not knowing what was to come due to the owner’s decision to skimp on safety measures. -Clarify what state

The building is standing on pins and needles and will crumble to the ground at any minute with no help from an impending earthquake. -Might want to reword this sentence as well

The second paragraph on the plot section barely evens talks about the plot. It seems like you are just listing and describing the characters, you could possibly move that down to cast or make another section.

Avoid using "We"

CAST-Under cast why is there two people for some characters? Was one an understudy? Was it played by two people? Clarify that to avoid confusion

comments by User3

critique

-Links to certain names in the leading subsection seems capricious; why Seth Rudetsky and not Steve Marzullo?

-Minor grammatical issues (e.g. not having a comma before "and" in "The play is set in Manhattan and it is the opening night...")

-"Owner Tony, who is more interested in his love affair with lounge singer Jackie, who has brought along her son and daughter Ben and Lisa who are twins" is a fragment with no discernible flow nor ending

-" Lastly, there's Levora, a once-popular disco queen who's down on her luck, hoping to make it big in the casino." is also a fragment

-reorganize the article; maybe put songs after plot, but before the review subheading?

-http://www.talkinbroadway.com/ob/11_04_13a.html seems unreliable

compliments/praise

-the subject coverage seems comprehensive for a new musical production

-the plot review is effective and doesn't spoil any particular events in the narrative

-the tone is largely formal, although the "review" section is inherently subjective (maybe questionable?)

-nonpromotional in tone

comments by User4

-The show first debuted at Triad Theatre, now Stage 72, in 2012, - maybe reword this sentence to make it more clear that the Triad Theatre was renamed Stage 72 because right now it sounds as though it moved to a different venue called Stage 72.

-In this musical, a group of New Yorkers attends the - change attends to attend

-The play is set 1979 Manhattan and it is the opening night of the first floating casino/discotheque to hit Jersey. - reword this sentence

-Disaster!’s unique interpretation of disaster movies from the 1970s has garnered both praise and skepticism from critics.- the use of the word 'unique' lends to some biased writing so maybe take that word out.

-I like the chart with the cast a lot, I feel as though it does a lot for the page.

-Overall, I feel like the tone matches one of an encyclopedia.

- Good Job! This article is definitely on the right track and has a lot of information.

- Maybe add a section on how the shows are attended, are they usually sold out?

- Good amount of references!

comments by User5

The second paragraph of the plot basically lists the character names instead of saying what happened. If you want to provide character descriptions, make this a new section and list the description next to the character name.

There are too many "now"s in the second sentence.

Don't use pronouns, such as "we." Don't assume your reader has seen the play.

This is a fragment that needs revising: Owner Tony, who is more interested in his love affair with lounge singer Jackie, who has brought along her son and daughter Ben and Lisa who are twins. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Sunkist 2013 (talk • contribs) 18:04, 7 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The critical reception section seems to have too many quotes. Try summarizing what the sources said instead and synthesizing their arguments.

Overall, the article is not bad, but I did think the way some stuff was worded was a little confusing (coming from a person who knows nothing about the topic). I think your main focus should be adding more to the plot. You all set up the premise of the story nicely, but after that I don't know what happens in the middle or in the end.

Another section you all could add is production. (You could talk about the budget, costumes, props, etc.)

First draft feedback for COM 257 students

This feedback concerns the article generally, but is intended in particular for students in COM 257 at NCSU during the spring 2014 semester. It is based on this version from 16 March 2014. The problems and suggestions below will cover many aspects of the page including but not limited to writing quality, spelling and grammar, tone, number and quality of sources, extent of source use or misuse, citation style, formatting, layout, wikimarkup errors, stylistic issues, media use, and organization. Some will be straightforward while others will be more general or may require you to do some research into Wikipedia policies and guidelines for content, layout, sourcing, etc. Technical help for Wikipedia is easy to find here and all over the web. If all else fails, just Google your question and you'll almost certainly find answers. If you search and still have trouble (once you search), email me. Several of the items below point to specific examples, but should be generalized throughout the article.

Lead

Seems to be an errant reference hovering at the top
"such as earthquakes or killer bees swarming the scene echoing situations from" -- a little awkward; reword

Plot

"The play is set 1979 Manhattan and it is..." -- reword
Jersey → New Jersey
switching tense "people...gather...not knowing what was to come..."
keep the prose descriptive ("Unfortunately, the building sits on a faultline!" verges on unencyclopedic in tone). Also noticed "dear mistake," "zany married couple," "that mushy honeymoon stage"...
also weird use of tense: "crumble to the ground at any minute" -- sounds like you're trying to build suspense and promote the show, which this section should not do
who are Chad and Scott?
space between [1] and "The mischievous.."
comma between owner and Tony
"Levora, a one hit wonder if you will," -- I don't know what that means (but I do know what a one hit wonder is)

Critical reception

lowercase r
"unique" reception sounds like puffery

Musical numbers

lowercase n
Since these are covers of popular songs and you're linking to the originals, it probably makes sense to credit the original artists here in some way
move footnotes for Daily News, Time Out, etc. to the ends of their respective sentence

Cast

looks much better since last time I looked

General/misc

more wikilinks. turn the first instance of terms that readers may want more information on into links to other pages. Discotheque is the first one that jumped out but there are many here
add the page to multiple categories. look at similar pages to find which are appropriate
does a see also section make sense?
add an external links section. At the very least it could contain a link to the official site of the play and theater
remove spaces between text/punctuation and reference footnotes
make sure there are spaces after footnotes, before the next word/sentence
are there navboxes you can use? other page elements?

Media use

the image is tagged with a warning that there is not a sufficient claim of fair use which has been made
are you working on any other images? --Ryan McGrady (talk) 14:04, 28 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

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