Talk:Denise Wescott

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A fact from Denise Wescott appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 27 November 2020 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:

Did you know... that National Lacrosse Hall of Fame member Denise Wescott also coached the Germany women's national lacrosse team?

A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2020/November. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/Denise Wescott.

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Did you know nomination

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Yoninah (talk) 13:59, 15 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

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... that National Lacrosse Hall of Fame member Denise Wescott also coached the German women's national lacrosse team? Sources: [1], [2]

Reviewed: Houkje Gerrits Bouma

Created by Giants2008 (talk). Self-nominated at 01:21, 26 October 2020 (UTC).[reply]

Quite a career, on good sources, no copyvio obvious. We seem to not know much about her as a person, nor the specific abilities, but that happens. Hook fine and concise. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 10:17, 27 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I came by to promote this, but the hook is pretty repetitive ("National Lacrosse"..."national lacrosse") and reads more like a resume than a hook. Yoninah (talk) 20:22, 31 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Yoninah: I'll admit that I had more trouble finding a blurb for this one than most of the other DYKs I've submitted. I'm open to any suggestions you have. Giants2008 (Talk) 16:35, 1 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Giants2008: I'm happy to help, but I think the article needs more detail besides her resume-like coaching career. Can you add anything about her early life? I see she was named an All-American at the University of Maryland in 1980 ([3]). Yoninah (talk) 17:30, 1 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Yoninah: All right, I've added some more information that I was able to find in the sources. I'm not sure how this level of coverage compares to the typical lacrosse bio, but I did what I could. Giants2008 (Talk) 02:28, 11 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Giants2008: How about:
ALT1: ... that in addition to her 200 wins as a collegiate lacrosse coach, Denise Wescott coached the German women's national team to appearances in eight European Cups and two Women's Lacrosse World Cups? Yoninah (talk) 21:39, 11 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The only thing I would change is to say she had more than 200 college wins, since that is cited in the awards section. Otherwise, I like it. Giants2008 (Talk) 03:35, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
ALT1a: ... that in addition to ~~her~~ more than 200 wins as a collegiate lacrosse coach, Denise Wescott coached the German women's national team to appearances in eight European Cups and two Women's Lacrosse World Cups?

If you like that I approve that. I don't like it, sorry, - way too many figures for my taste.

ALT0a: ... that National Lacrosse Hall of Fame member Denise Wescott also coached the German women's national team to world cup ~~successes~~ participation?
... or whatever would be more succinct. Can't believe the German team has no article. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 09:04, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- They weren't really successes; they didn't win any of those Cups. Yoninah (talk) 11:31, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  it was just a direction, - I'm not into sports - getting to World Cup alone is something, I'd say, for a no-name team. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 13:34, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  I also usually don't like a lot of numbers, but there's not much to work with in the article and I think ALT1a shows a lot of accomplishment. Yoninah (talk) 13:37, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  It does, but "Hall of Fame" does it shorter for me. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 13:40, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Back to you, Giants2008. Yoninah (talk) 13:56, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

If you think ALT1a has too many figures, maybe we could try eliminating the first part of the blurb and just saying "... that Denise Wescott coached the German women's national lacrosse team to appearances in eight European Cups and two Women's Lacrosse World Cups?" That emphasizes the accomplishment while trimming the blurb. Giants2008 (Talk) 23:39, 12 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
sorry, I prefer the original by far - who of international readers, not interested in sports perhaps, will care about the exact numbers of a no-name team? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 09:38, 13 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Fine. I added "also". Restoring tick for ALT0 per your review. Yoninah (talk) 11:01, 13 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]