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Talk:Demonet Building/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Epicgenius (talk · contribs) 17:14, 9 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Hi APK, I will review this article. I'll leave some in-depth comments later. Epicgenius (talk) 17:14, 9 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Awesome, thank you. APK whisper in my ear 21:46, 11 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
GA review
(see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):
    b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references):
    b (citations to reliable sources):
    c (OR):
    d (copyvio and plagiarism):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):
    b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales):
    b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

Overall:
Pass/Fail:

· · ·


Prose, POV, and coverage

[edit]

Infobox

  • The date for the addition being completed in 1984 is not mentioned or sourced anywhere else in the article.
 Done

Lead

  • located on the southeast corner of Connecticut Avenue and M Street NW in Washington, D.C. - do we need "located"? I think this should be pretty clear from context.
 Done
  • last Victorian residence on Connecticut Avenue between Dupont Circle and Farragut Square that has not been significantly altered. - could this be condensed? It's OK if this can't, I just had the impression of that as pretty unwieldy.
I know what you mean. I could take out the Connecticut Ave part since it would be implied - the avenue connects Dupont & Farragut. APK whisper in my ear 01:22, 19 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The namesake of the building - similarly, I'd suggest "the building's namesake".
 Done
  • the Demonet family continued ownership of the building and it was rented to various retailers - I think "continued to own" would sound better than "continued ownership".
 Done
  • currently an affiliate of the Qatari royal family. - as of when?
 Done

Construction and first owner

  • During the 1870s Connecticut Avenue between Dupont Circle and Farragut Square became a fashionable residential area for Washingtonians and a place "to see and be seen", spurred by the construction of the British Legation at Connecticut Avenue and N Street and Alexander "Boss" Shepherd's mansion at Connecticut Avenue and K Street. - this is a pretty long sentence, which again I think could be condensed. For example, a fashionable residential area for Washingtonians and a place "to see and be seen" could just be "a fashionable residential area" (I think it being "a place 'to see and be seen'" is already implied by the upscale character of the neighborhood).
 Done
  • On April 23, 1880, real estate developer John Sherman was issued a building permit to construct four brick houses on the southeast corner of Connecticut Avenue and M Street. ... The four-story corner building was designed in the Victorian style - The first sentence implies there are 4 buildings at that corner. For clarification, you can probably rephrase that as "four brick houses near the southeast corner". The second sentence is a bit harder to clarify, but now the reader knows you're specifically talking about the building with frontage on the corner.
 Done

Demonet ownership

  • With help from his wife, Ida, who was also from the Alsace-Lorraine region of France, the business grew in popularity. - Which other person is from that region of France?
 Done
  • Jules received training in pastry and ice cream making in France and New York City and along with his mother continued the family business following his father's death. - I suggest adding some commas (particularly before and after along with his mother) because, without them, this is nearly a run-on sentence.
 Done
  • Following the building's purchase, it underwent several alterations including partial ceiling removal, building an interior balcony and balustrade, adding show windows, and installing a marquee - the sentence is inconsistent. Partial ceiling removal is a noun/adjective phrase, while the rest are verb phrases like installing a marquee. I would suggest changing that to "removal of part of the ceiling", or suggest making all the other parts of the sentence a noun/adjective phrase.
 Done
  • 2021-2023 L Street NW - the hyphen should be an endash.
 Done
  • a few blocks north - not too big of a deal, but "a few" may be too colloquial.
 Done
  • Due to austerity and sugar shortages during World War II, the Demonet business closed in the early 1940s. The recipes and operations were handed over to the Avignone Freres confectionery and catering business at 1777 Columbia Road NW - Does this have to deal with the Demonet Building, or can it be condensed? I'm assuming it's here (like the first two paragraphs of this subsection) because the Demonet business is described in this article, but it seems to be going somewhat off topic. Unlike the first two paragraphs of this subsection, this statement doesn't really give any context as to how it affected the building's operations, other than the fact that the business closed in the 1940s.
I added the Avignone Freres info because it was a locally famous restaurant and thought local readers might find the connection interesting. I can remove it if you think it doesn't make sense. APK whisper in my ear 01:35, 19 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is there any info on the building between 1944 and 1979? I assume the family kept ownership and it was an uneventful time period, but the family retaining ownership of the building is at least as relevant to the article as the family business closing down.
I haven't been able to find any info from that period. APK whisper in my ear 01:35, 19 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Legal battle

  • real estate developer Dominic F. Antonelli Jr. who planned to demolish it along with adjoining properties on M Street. - Why? I see the text His plan was to replace the Demonet and adjoining site with an office building with street-level retail space below. Can the latter sentence be moved to the first paragraph, or was his original plan different?
 Done
 Done
  • Did the landmark status restrict the building from being demolished?
 Done

Restoration and new office building

  • around $1,000 a square foot - This can be converted using the {{convert}} template.
I'm trying to find which convert template would go here but I keep getting red error messages. APK whisper in my ear 02:27, 19 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Renovation of the original building and construction of the new 12-story postmodern office building, which includes a three-story underground parking garage, was carried out by Omni Construction Inc. for $6.1 million. - when did the construction start?
 Done
  • 134,000 square feet (12,449 sq m) - this should be in singular or adjective form.
 Done
  • The sixth through twelfth floors of the new building rise above and behind the corner building and features - "features" should be singular since the floors are plural.
 Done
 Done
  • Soon after the $35 million project was completed - when?
 Done

General coverage

  • The only "body" section of the article is the main "History" section. I.e. the level 2 sections are only "History", "Notes", "References", and "External links". I would remove the "History" header and bring up all the level 3 subsections to level 2 sections. This is only a suggestion, though. Epicgenius (talk) 19:29, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
 Done

I understand there may be some missing info that isn't available anywhere, so feel free to leave a comment on bullet points you can't or won't be able to do. Epicgenius (talk) 19:32, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

References

[edit]
  • The sources are reliable. The article uses mostly newspapers and government documents.
  • For Washington Post references which aren't online, can you add page numbers?
 Done
 Done
[edit]
 Done
  • Copyright seems fine; there are no matches except for quotes and proper nouns.

General comments

[edit]

 On hold Epicgenius (talk) 19:29, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking the time to review. If you don't mind waiting just a few days, I'll start working on your suggestions as soon as I'm able to sit at my computer. Currently bedridden due to a back injury. Thanks for understanding. APK whisper in my ear 04:44, 14 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Epicgenius: Thanks for your patience. I've corrected most of the issues you raised, except the conversion (I don't know what to do there), and looking for further input about wordiness and the Avignone Freres content. APK whisper in my ear 02:27, 19 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
APK, no problem. For conversion, you can try {{convert|1000|$/ft2}} which gives $1,000 per square foot ($11,000/m2). For the other info, it's all right - the restaurant isn't so irrelevant, I was just wondering a bit. It's also OK if you can't find info from 1944 to 1979, since I was also wondering if that existed. Since the remaining issue is minor, I'll pass the article now. Epicgenius (talk) 17:44, 19 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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