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GA Review

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Hey, it's Garden here. This will be my first GA review for about a year, so apologies in advance if I get it wrong. I'll leave you the arbitrary seven days but as you've been waiting so long for this review (hell, you've probably forgotten who this band are :P ) I'm more than willing to adjust. Nice work so far though.  GARDEN  21:22, 25 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Nice work, I'm happy to pass this now. Well done!  GARDEN  22:27, 26 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Overall

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  • The headings look pretty POV to me. Perhaps "In Love with Detail" instead of "Further success"?
  • Discography - this table requires mdashes to show there was no placement in the charts
  • Quite a lot of commas missing
  • Watch ref placement, i.e. [2][5] rather than [5][2]

Lead

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  • They consist of... - I presume you mean consisted
  • Two EPs were also released - maybe best to explain what an EP is with a long name and a link for the fist mention
  • hit singles - a bit POV?
  • support slots - link please?
  • Before their demise - sorry, did they die or something? :P
  • Then on 17 February 2009 - needs a reword or a comma, perhaps "However, on 17 February 2009", linking from the previous sentence.

Career

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Early career

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  • The four members of Delorentos were each in different bands before - Doesn't read well, perhaps try Each of the band members were in bands prior to Delorentos or something. Also, and this might be impossible I know, a source might be nice. Not essential though
  • from an older band which a couple of them were in - reads informally
  • This section is bloomin' hard to make any sense of. Try to group band member histories together in order to reduce the name spaghetti.
  • in the early days - when?

Breakthrough

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  • The EP - very ambiguous, try Their first release, the EP or similar
  • gathered some cash - again, informal
  • straight to #1 - try number one per MOSNUM (somewhere)
  • annual Other Voices music show - argh! The refs aren't in order! This happens quite a lot in this section. (that's a pet peeve, address if you like, I'm not that bothered :P)
  • #14 - again, perhaps should be number fourteen
  • As part of their prize they - needs a comma, As part of their prize, they. Looking at the rest of this section there should be several commas that have been missed
  • U.S. dates - should be US dates

Further success

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  • I've already moaned about this heading, I think
  • #7 - more MOSNUM issues :P
  • #34 - That's correct, in case you think I'm going to say that for every number
  • a couple of dates - should really be two dates or several dates
  • The Irish Times noted their performance - already linked only two sentences previous
  • was selected by The Irish Times as the best by an Irish act at the event - reads quite poorly
  • by informing the reader that - perhaps a reword necessary?

Split

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  • “these are strange times - why the weird speech marks?
  • neighbours - did they live next door? Or are they fellow Dubliners?
  • This "gig or two" - used twice in succession it looks informal
  • blogger UnaRocks, John Walshe of State, Jonnie Craig and others - are all of these notable enough to mention?

Style and influences/Awards

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  • catchy guitar sound - is there a NPOV way of saying this?
    • attractive isn't NPOV :P I'll have a gander though.
  • the band's set - Erm, what's a set? A setlist?

Future improvements

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