Talk:Delorentos/GA1
Appearance
GA Review
[edit]Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch
Hey, it's Garden here. This will be my first GA review for about a year, so apologies in advance if I get it wrong. I'll leave you the arbitrary seven days but as you've been waiting so long for this review (hell, you've probably forgotten who this band are :P ) I'm more than willing to adjust. Nice work so far though. GARDEN 21:22, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
- Nice work, I'm happy to pass this now. Well done! GARDEN 22:27, 26 March 2009 (UTC)
Overall
[edit]- The headings look pretty POV to me. Perhaps "In Love with Detail" instead of "Further success"?
- Discography - this table requires mdashes to show there was no placement in the charts
- Quite a lot of commas missing
- Watch ref placement, i.e. [2][5] rather than [5][2]
Lead
[edit]- They consist of... - I presume you mean consisted
- Two EPs were also released - maybe best to explain what an EP is with a long name and a link for the fist mention
- hit singles - a bit POV?
- support slots - link please?
- Before their demise - sorry, did they die or something? :P
- Then on 17 February 2009 - needs a reword or a comma, perhaps "However, on 17 February 2009", linking from the previous sentence.
Career
[edit]Early career
[edit]- The four members of Delorentos were each in different bands before - Doesn't read well, perhaps try Each of the band members were in bands prior to Delorentos or something. Also, and this might be impossible I know, a source might be nice. Not essential though
- from an older band which a couple of them were in - reads informally
- This section is bloomin' hard to make any sense of. Try to group band member histories together in order to reduce the name spaghetti.
- in the early days - when?
Breakthrough
[edit]- The EP - very ambiguous, try Their first release, the EP or similar
- gathered some cash - again, informal
- straight to #1 - try number one per MOSNUM (somewhere)
- annual Other Voices music show - argh! The refs aren't in order! This happens quite a lot in this section. (that's a pet peeve, address if you like, I'm not that bothered :P)
- #14 - again, perhaps should be number fourteen
- As part of their prize they - needs a comma, As part of their prize, they. Looking at the rest of this section there should be several commas that have been missed
- U.S. dates - should be US dates
Further success
[edit]- I've already moaned about this heading, I think
- #7 - more MOSNUM issues :P
- #34 - That's correct, in case you think I'm going to say that for every number
- a couple of dates - should really be two dates or several dates
- The Irish Times noted their performance - already linked only two sentences previous
- was selected by The Irish Times as the best by an Irish act at the event - reads quite poorly
- by informing the reader that - perhaps a reword necessary?
Split
[edit]- “these are strange times - why the weird speech marks?
- neighbours - did they live next door? Or are they fellow Dubliners?
- This "gig or two" - used twice in succession it looks informal
- blogger UnaRocks, John Walshe of State, Jonnie Craig and others - are all of these notable enough to mention?
Style and influences/Awards
[edit]- catchy guitar sound - is there a NPOV way of saying this?
- attractive isn't NPOV :P I'll have a gander though.
- the band's set - Erm, what's a set? A setlist?
Future improvements
[edit]- PHOTOS - although I'm sure you thought of that.
- Can't really think of anything else. I'm sure you'll improve it in ways I'll never think of :P GARDEN 22:27, 26 March 2009 (UTC)