Talk:Decline and fall in Middle-earth/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Cerebellum (talk · contribs) 13:53, 22 December 2021 (UTC)

Hello, I'll be reviewing this article. --Cerebellum (talk) 13:53, 22 December 2021 (UTC)

Many thanks, I'll respond promptly to any comments. Chiswick Chap (talk) 14:04, 22 December 2021 (UTC)

I enjoyed reading the article, I left a few comments on minor points below :) --Cerebellum (talk) 17:33, 23 December 2021 (UTC)

Useful comments. I've actioned all of them. Chiswick Chap (talk) 19:38, 23 December 2021 (UTC)

Criteria

• Prose: Good, just a couple comments below
• Referencing: Excellent
• Coverage: Good, maybe could use a bit more on Númenor
• Neutral: Yes
• Stable: Yes
• Illustrated: Yes

Comments

• Lead: The lead mentions the cataclysmic fall of Númenor, but the article text doesn't explain what happened to Númenor (except for Númenor is drowned in the table). Do you think it would be worth adding a paragraph on Númenor to the "Splintered light" section?

• Good idea, done.

• Prose: in industrial Birmingham, which was spreading over the English countryside that he had loved. Makes it sound like Birmingham was spreading, not industrialization. I recommend rephrasing or removing the part after "industrial Birmingham".

• Tolkien thought it was the city that was spreading... reworded.

• Prose: The Phial enables Frodo and Sam to defeat the giant spider Shelob, descendant of Ungoliant, on their way to Mordor to destroy the Ring, which contains the power of Sauron, the remaining servant of Melkor on Middle-earth. Seems like a run-on sentence to me, I would shorten to something like on their way to Mordor to destroy the Ring of Sauron.

• Split sentence.

• Splintered light: Some of the content in the table (Second Age and Third Age info about the White Tree) is not mirrored in the main text. Is that intentional?

• Fixed with the Númenor paragraph, I guess. I certainly don't think we have to echo every detail of the table in the text.

• Prose: The Inkling Owen Barfield had a theory of language, described in his 1928 book Poetic Diction, that interested Tolkien, and indeed, as reported by C. S. Lewis, changed his entire outlook. A long sentence, I would break up into two sentences like The Inkling Owen Barfield had a theory of language, described in his 1928 book Poetic Diction, that interested Tolkien. Indeed, according to C. S. Lewis, Barfield's theory changed Tolkien's entire outlook.

• Done.

• Images: The Ragnarok image would fit better in the "successive falls" section, does it mess up the formatting if you move it there? --Cerebellum (talk) 17:33, 23 December 2021 (UTC)

• Moved.

Awesome, definitely a pass! Let's see if I can figure out how to complete the review on mobile. Cerebellum (talk) 13:07, 24 December 2021 (UTC)