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Talk:Death Don't Have No Mercy/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 06:36, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

This article looks quite good, but I will start reviewing shortly on today! --K. Peake 06:36, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

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  • The song did not receive a standalone release though; this is notable in the manner that you can mention the album in the opening sentence and add the release year in brackets. --K. Peake 21:08, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It was first recorded" → "The song was first recorded"
    • IMO, "song" would follow too closely to the earlier sentence. There is no ambiguity as to the subject of the sentence. The subject-clause structure is preserved from the first sentence to the next, so it should be clear to the reader. isento (talk) 15:53, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "1960, for his album Harlem Street Singer," → "1960 for the album," since this was during the album sessions, plus remove the release month per earlier while keeping the during part, though
  • "The recording was engineered" → "The song was engineered" with the target
  • The "lively" part does not appear to be mentioned in the body, unless I wasn't reading through correctly?
    • The third paragraph of the first section establishes his style of guitar had a "unique bounce" to it, bounce being another word for an exuberant or lively quality. And the composition section establishes his style of guitar features on the song. "Dazzling" in a later section bolsters this phrasing as well. isento (talk) 15:53, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Target holy blues to Gospel blues
  • Target relative minor to Relative key
  • Remove wikilink on death
  • Target Northport, Long Island to Northport, New York

Background

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  • Reword img text to something relevant
  • I do understand that it is from the same time period, but there is nothing in this section about the actual year 1963 so you could replace it with a different one or merely reword the text. --K. Peake 21:08, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "left during Davis' childhood" → "left during Gary Davis' childhood" per MOS:SAMESURNAME
  • "Evelina soon gave" → "Evelina Davis soon gave"
  • "that profoundly impacted him" → "that profoundly impacted Gary" to avoid overusing "him"
  • "for Davis after he turned seven and had" → "for Gary Davis after he turned seven, by which time he had"
    • That would distance the fact of his mother's buying him the guitar from his demonstrating those qualities. "After" has the connotation of "because of", a connection that is supported by the source. Both are grammatically correct, but the current revision is more apt. isento (talk) 16:04, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Are you sure blues and ragtime is the same guitar or it isn't two separate ones... I can't view the book source?
  • Target minister to Minister (Christianity)
  • "he lived with his wife Annie" → "Gary Davis lived with his wife Annie"
  • Target welfare checks to Welfare
  • Target gratuities to Gratuity
  • If you can source the lively bit, then it should be mentioned with his traditional blues playing here or the style in the comp section

Recording

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Composition

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  • Retitle to Composition and lyrics
    • I think that goes without saying for a popular music song, which the reader is made aware of in the lead and in the preceding sections, as opposed to a classical composition which generally won't have lyrics. Copyright registrations include lyrics as part of the composition. In short, I would keep it as it is for brevity. isento (talk) 17:07, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Release and reception

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  • Are you sure the img is accurate by saying that he played a part in a re-issue?
  • First para looks good!
  • If the publishing of the composition in the book was a re-issue as well, then reword accordingly
    • The source does not specify, but it gives the impression it was at least the first publication giving Davis copyright protection. So it is a publication, and quite possibly the first, since the LP does not appear to have a publishing credit. isento (talk) 17:27, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Remove wikilink on copyright protection
  • Reads confusingly having the labels in brackets; maybe add "through Fantasy and Kicking Mule, respectively" at the end of the sentence instead while still keeping the release years where they are
  • "while calling the lyric" → "while calling the line"
  • Target relative minor to Relative key
  • Keep the ellipsis as current if part of the quote; otherwise surround by []

Performances

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  • "featured in the" → "was featured in the"
  • "live album" as it" → "live album", as it"
  • "turbulent event for" → "unstable event for" because the former wording is not encyclopaedic
    • I don't see how it is not encyclopedic. In fact, it is more accurate than "unstable", which is defined as being prone to change. The rally was turbulent, marked by conflict, disorder, etc, as supported in the source. isento (talk) 18:13, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The word just stuck out to me as having a tone not suited for this site, but it's the most specific in this context and that was more of an initial reaction so keep as is here. --K. Peake 21:08, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Cover versions

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  • Target rock to Rock music on the quote box
  • Target Club 47 to Club Passim
  • Should it be "recalled" or "recalls" for correct tense, as I can't access the source to see if it's an interview?
  • Add "He further said," or "He further says," before the second quote to start the sentence properly
  • Remove the fanzine introduction to Little Sandy Review because this is not needed for a publication, plus either name the review or attribute the review to "a writer" like we did [[Talk:Live in Tokyo (Charles Tolliver album)/GA1|before]
    • There is no article for this title to offer readers context for what this publication is. Scholarly book sources like these support this phrasing. As for "a writer", this is unnecessary as it goes without saying it was a writer, rather than the entirety of a publication (its editors and staff, etc.) make the statement in unison, which is unheard of and unrealistic in published writing. isento (talk) 18:13, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Img looks good!
  • LP introduction is not needed to Harlem Street Singer since it is already known
  • "The band debuted" → "The Grateful Dead debuted"
  • "version" (in Zack's words)." → "version", as described by Zack." because the brackets don't really seem required here
  • Target blues-rock to Blues rock
  • "which resembled the Davis original," → "which resembled the original," because it is already known as Davis', plus you mentioned him last sentence
  • "on hearing the record," → "on hearing the album," because it is awkward to use this term only once and this isn't an album article where you may be overusing the latter

Davis' final rendition

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  • Img looks good!
  • "proved one of" → "proved to be one of"
  • "from a couple of teenage blues fans," → "from teenage blues fans" because otherwise it sounds like they were in a relationship, plus the comma is not needed here
  • "of $200 and visited Menuez and Fahey on April 24" → "of $200, visiting Menuez and Fahey on April 24, 1972"
  • I don't think intense is really appropriate language here; either add in speech marks if it's a quote or reword to something more neutral
  • Is "recalled" or "recalls" the correct tense per my earlier comment?
  • "of the performance," → "of the performance that"
  • "Zack says, "maybe" → "Zack says that "maybe"
  • "chance to perform."" → "chance to perform"." per MOS:QUOTE

See also

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  • Are you sure African-American music is relevant enough to be here?
    • Yes. Especially given the background section, the article has a large context in this topic and serves as an intersection for a number of references in the article on African-American music, including the historical conditions that gave rise to spirituals, the blues, ragtime. isento (talk) 18:18, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Notes

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References

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  • Copyvio score looks amazing at 9.1%!!!
  • Does ref 21 need to include page 126 next to the other source, or can't you just remove it from there and invoke [25] next to the source in the body?
  • Same issues goes for ref 30 including page 237 despite [29] already citing the source

Bibliography

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  • Good

Final comments and verdict

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