Talk:Dean Smith (pilot)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk · contribs) 11:00, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Well constructed, will come back soon with required suggestions. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 11:00, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestion 1 September 2016

Lead; I suggest removing all the citations from the lead because it is just a summary of the body of the article. And as the information is already cited in various sections of the article, you need not again. Anyway as WP:LEAD, it is not mandatory to follow this, but doing so will give it a better look.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:18, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sections 1 and 2; Merge the first and second sections as both are too small for independent sections. The new section's name may be "Early life and education"

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:21, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sections 8.1 and 8.2; Also merge these two.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:29, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 4; Clarification of his wife "(daughter of Mrs. Joseph White of Easton, MD)" is unnecessary, because Joseph White of Easton is not well known figure having his own article of Wikipedia.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:38, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

These are my initial suggestions. Will come back after these have been addressed. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 11:56, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Krishna Chaitanya Velaga: Did the upgrades you suggested. Please look over to see that I did them correctly. I welcome any other suggestions and will work on them immediately.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:38, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

2 September 2016

Section 1; sentence 2; Consider rewording it as When he was three years old his family moved to Central America where his father's business was headquartered.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 1; Last sentence; Consider rewording it as After high school he attended Principia College in St.Louis, Missouri, for two years, but did not graduate.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 2; para 1; sentence 1; The sentence "several months before his eighteenth birthday" is unnecessary as the fact was mentioned.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 2; para 1; sentence 2; Consider rewording it to Soon after his enlistment, he was promoted to master signal electrician, the highest non-commissioned rank of the US Army Signal Corps. During the time, he was the youngest enlist to serve in the capacity.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 2; para 2; I find some confusion in the first sentence. It was mentioned in the previous para that he was enlisted in July 1917 (close 18 year, he was 17 years 9 months), and here in the second para it was mentioned that at the age of 17 he became the youngest ever flight instructor in U.S. Army history. Please check this accordingly. = Source says, After 56 hours and 45 minutes of flying instruction at Kelly Field, Texas, Smith was commissioned as a second lieutenant but did not go overseas in World War I. He showed so much promise as a flight instructor — at 17 the youngest in U.S. Army history — that he was retained for the duration.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 2; para 2; Reword the second sentence as Though he volunteered to serve overseas to the front lines with the American Expeditionary Forces, he was posted as a flying instructor at Fort Scott.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 2; para 3; Sentence 1; Replace "through" with "to" as the word "to" is better understandable to a general reader. In the same sentence, add a comma(,) after San Antonio, Texas. So it would read .....in San Antonio, Texas, as an Army flight instructor.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:15, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 2; para 4; Sentence 1; Suggest rewording it as Smith was instrumental in the inauguration of air mail service by the United States Postal Service (USPS) in the summer of 1919.

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:15, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 2; para 4; sentence 1; Replace "when" with "before" or "while" (whichever is more suitable). So it would read ....urs of flying time in the Army before /while he joined the U.S. Mail Service at age ninet.....

Done --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:15, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

This is for today. Actually due to some personal constraints I was unable to review the whole article all at once, as it a lengthy one. So I am reviewing it step by step. I hope you don't mind this. But I promise to complete the review at-most within a week, or a day or two more than that. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 12:34, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Krishna Chaitanya Velaga: Did the upgrades and suggestions above. Waiting for anything further and will work on it immediately.--Doug Coldwell (talk)

3 September 2016

Section 2; para 6; Consider revising the third sentence as In his association with USPS for more than 7 years, he logged 3764.57 hours and flew 365,719 miles (588,568 km).

Done 7&6=thirteen (☎) 14:53, 5 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 2; Quote box; Move "Smith" out the quote box and place it against the author parameter of the template. And the references must also moved to the sources parameter. See the complete documentation {{Quote box}}.

Done 7&6=thirteen (☎) 13:18, 7 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 3; I prefer removing the sentence "His extreme shyness was inconsistent with his large size". It sounds something like criticizing the subject.

I don't see is as a criticism. In any event, reworded as "Some claimed his extreme shyness was unexpected, given his large size."

Section 6; Para 1; Consider rewording the first sentence as Throughout his career in aviation, Smith worked for various companies such as Learning Curtiss Company, Fairchild Aviation, Hughes Tool Company, Douglas Aircraft Company, American Airlines, and United Airlines, at one time or another, in various capacities

Done 7&6=thirteen (☎) 12:40, 7 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 6; Para 2; Consider rewording the first sentence as Though he stopped flying commercially in 1943, Smith continued his work with the aircraft and aviation industry.

Done 7&6=thirteen (☎) 12:40, 7 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 7; Correct the tense of the last sentence. "He was a featured editor.."

Done 7&6=thirteen (☎) 12:52, 7 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 9; Change to name of this section to "Bibliography".

Done 7&6=thirteen (☎) 14:53, 5 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Follow on; *Section 2; para 2; I find some confusion in the first sentence. It was mentioned in the previous para that he was enlisted in July 1917 (close 18 year, he was 17 years 9 months), and here in the second para it was mentioned that at the age of 17 he became the youngest ever flight instructor in U.S. Army history. Please check this accordingly. = Source says, After 56 hours and 45 minutes of flying instruction at Kelly Field, Texas, Smith was commissioned as a second lieutenant but did not go overseas in World War I. He showed so much promise as a flight instructor — at 17 the youngest in U.S. Army history — that he was retained for the duration.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 2 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

OK. Consider adding this as a footnote using {{efn}}, as it creates some confusion.

Tomorrow I will review the 5th section, which will almost complete the review. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 12:06, 3 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Krishna Chaitanya Velaga: User:7&6=thirteen will finish this up after the 6th when he will be available. Maybe if you have anything to add meanwhile, it could then be finished by him.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 22:06, 4 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Done 7&6=thirteen (☎) 12:59, 7 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

5 September 2016

Section 5; Para 1; sentence 1; Remove " of America's best pilots", because you never know that they are the best.

Done 7&6=thirteen (☎) 13:01, 7 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Section 5; Para 1; sentence 2; Remove the word "excellent", in respect with neutrality.

@Doug Coldwell: 7&6=thirteen, With this I almost complete the review, just one final read pending. Please address the suggestions as soon as possible. Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 12:56, 5 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Done 7&6=thirteen (☎) 13:01, 7 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]

7%266%3Dthirteen and Doug Coldwell Thank you for your contributions.

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Regards, Krishna Chaitanya Velaga (talk • mail) 13:12, 7 September 2016 (UTC)[reply]