Talk:Dayton Moore/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 13:35, 30 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Don't think the year of Moore's graduation from George Mason is needed in the infobox
- Removed

"Dayton Moore (born February 17, 1967) is the general manager of the Kansas City Royals." - there's some information that I feel is missing from this portion of text such as Moore's nationality and that he is a baseball executive
- Added
"Moore's began his baseball career" - {{xt|Moore's baseball career began}
- Done
"Moore originally served in scouting department" - can be worded to say in the, in its or in the team's
- Done

"Moore was born on February 17, 1969" - Baseball Reference and the infobox state Moore was born in 1967 not 1969
- Fixed, likely typo
"Moore claims to have watched the 1985 World Series in Kansas City from I-70." - Interstate 70 for non-American and baseball readers
- Done
Wikilink undergraduate degree and master's degree
- Done
"Moore received a master's degree in Athletic Administration from George Mason in 1992, and served as an assistant baseball coach at George Mason" - the close repetition of the university's name should be avoided
- Fixed

"before his promotion in 2002 to director of player personnel development." - this can be written as either before his 2002 promotion to director of personnel development or before his promotion to director of player personnel in 2002
- Used the first option
"The Kansas City Royals offered Moore a job as the team's general manager, and Moore took the job" - offered Moore employment
- Done
"saying "I think the player has earned the opportunity to play professional baseball." [16]" - the space after the quote and the reference is not needed
- Removed
"also help set the stage for the Royals' two World Series teams" - I believe there is a more formal way of wording the text in bold but cannot conjure it up
- Changed to "provided important pieces for the Royals' two World Series teams", is that better?
  - I accept the revision. MWright96 (talk) 19:57, 30 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"After the Royals' World Series win, Moore signed another contract extension to remain with the Royals longer." - the team for longer.
- Done

The word Christian doesn't need to be linked per MOS:OVERLINK
- Removed links
"Moore is also the author of the book "More Than a Season", which describes Moore's efforts " - repetition of the word Moore('s)
- Used his in the second instance

All of the references that mention the dates on which they were publishes are better off mentioned in the article
- Added date= parameters to all of the references that provided a date published
"Front Office Biographies - Dayton Moore" - the hyphen should be replaced by an en dash per MOS:DASH
- Fixed
Reference 10 should mention that the Associated Press was the agency that provided ESPN with that story
- I used the author= parameter to insert the Associated Press on both 10 and 15. Did this bring about the desired result?
  - Yes, that is fine MWright96 (talk) 19:57, 30 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Same issue as above for Reference 15
- See above