Talk:David Flitcroft/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Sportsfan77777 (talk · contribs) 12:04, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
I'll review. I see it has been sitting in the queue for awhile. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 13:48, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
Lead
[edit]- who is now director of football ===>>> who is the director of football (MOS:RELTIME)
- I'd suggest adding to the first paragraph what was the main level he played (Third Division, right?), as well as the highest level if different (Second Division, I think?).
- Same thing as above for his managing career.
- Most of the management spells already have the league mentioned in the paragraph.
- He is the younger brother of the former Blackburn Rovers and Manchester City player Garry Flitcroft. ===>>> His older brother is the former Blackburn Rovers and Manchester City player Garry Flitcroft. (to avoid framing his whole career relative to his brother)
- he began his career ===>>> Flitcroft (first mention each paragraph should be his name, and not just "he")
- first-team <<<=== Should this be hyphenated? Maybe as an adjective, but I don't think so as a noun.
- I don't know. I think another GA told me to hyphen them. I don't know which is correct or if both are acceptable.--EchetusXe 16:52, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
- he changed clubs ===>>> changing clubs
Player
[edit]- He was to spend the following season briefly involved in the first-team at Deepdale, making his debut under caretaker-manager Sam Allardyce. However he had a brief loan spell with Lincoln City and then was allowed to join Chester City in December 1993.<<<=== This seems backwards with respect to the loan spell. How about something like: "He made his debut the following season at Deepdale under caretaker-manager Sam Allardyce. He was to spend the season briefly involved in the first-team, but instead had a brief loan spell with Lincoln City and then was allowed to join Chester City in December 1993."
- Flitcroft was to make eight appearances <<<=== I don't think this is the correct tense. Why not just "Flitcroft made eight appearances"?
- the "Seals" would last just one season ===>>> the "Seals" lasted just one season (similar thing as above. no need for conditional if it happened)
- and left the Deva Stadium <<<=== start a new sentence
- overall in all competitions ===>>> in all competitions (redundant)
- However he lost his first-team place at the start of the 2001–02 campaign ===>>> He lost his first-team place at the start of the 2001–02 campaign, however,
- He started 21 league games ===>>> Flitcroft started 21 league games (unclear "He" based on previous sentence)
- Flitcroft joined Bury on non-contract terms <<<=== What does non-contract terms imply? (He didn't have a contract? What are the implications of that?)
- It means they are free to leave the club at any time. I assume they still get paid by the week. I found that he signed a contract three months later.--EchetusXe 16:52, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
- it was "a massive wrench" to leave the professional game <<<=== I think you should state that this was his last professional team before making this statement. It seems a bit out of nowhere.
- his debut for the "Tigers" in the FA Trophy on 28 November 2016 <<<=== date is wrong
- But Flitcroft returned to Rochdale ===>>> Flitcroft returned to Rochdale
Playing style
[edit]- Is it possible to expand? (I assume not, but just checking.)
- Nah, really couldn't find anything. He doesn't seem to have stood out much as a player.--EchetusXe 16:52, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
Manager
[edit]- after following manager ===>>> , following manager
- by Birmingham City <<<=== Should it be "to Birmingham City"?
Managing style
[edit]- Okay.
Personal
[edit]- Same comment as in the lead.
- Maybe also specify here if it is his only sibling.
- Well well, turns out he also had a younger brother who played football, so that was good to find. He also has a sister called Kelly but I don't know if that's worth including.--EchetusXe 16:52, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
Overall
[edit]- No unnecessary ALL CAPS in the references unless it's actually an abbreviation. I see five (TOO, PROFILE, DAVID FLITCROFT, and BREAKING twice).
- The way the stadiums are introduced, maybe it could be made clearer that they those are the clubs' home grounds. I don't think it's always so obvious.
Looks pretty good! Placing on hold. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 13:48, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
- Okay thanks! I've looked at those points.EchetusXe 16:52, 8 January 2022 (UTC)
- Alright, passing! Sportsfan77777 (talk) 07:21, 9 January 2022 (UTC)
- Okay thanks! I've looked at those points.EchetusXe 16:52, 8 January 2022 (UTC)