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Talk:David DeJulius/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]
Passed. BritneyErotica (talk) 07:35, 29 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: BritneyErotica (talk · contribs) 19:17, 17 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Good to see changes being made. You're definitely correct in your assessment that I'm from a different part of the world where American English is not used. Likewise, basketball is not at the forefront of sports played and I have yet to hear that used for any other sport. I read into it more and it does seem to be terminology used so you're right in not needing to change it. It shouldn't be too much longer before a final assessment is made. BritneyErotica (talk) 05:47, 19 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Some final recommendations:
“Then, DeJulius got an offer and gave a verbal commitment on December 22”
I feel like the “then” could be removed. There is another instance later on that used "Then," and it works a bit better because it’s following on from specific parts of the mentioned game.
Done.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:24, 27 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
I’d Wikilink "Yahoo! Sports" just to establish that it’s the name of the publication. I doubt anyone would be confused by it but having the exclamation mark separating it could be confusing. The italicised names throughout the article look good as they seem to be consistent with a type of newspaper/periodical as per MOS:ITALICTITLE.
Copyright looks good and so do all the references (you could probably unlink “Mgoblue.com” as it doesn’t lead anywhere).
Only three outstanding recommendations left. I'll go ahead and pass this once they've been acknowledged without further comment. BritneyErotica (talk) 06:38, 19 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Rate Attribute Review Comment
1. Well-written:
1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. "2nd-team, The Detroit News; 3rd team Detroit Free Press, honorable mention Associated Press)" Should a semicolon should be after Detroit Free Press? Should there by a hyphen between 2nd and team?

"After visiting the University of Michigan a few times (including September 17, 2016, and October 25, 2016)[7] and scoring 46 points with 7 rebounds and 5 assists against Dakota High School and Michigan State Spartans men's basketball signee Thomas Kithier in front of head coach John Beilein and the entire coaching staff on December 17, 2016, DeJulius got an offer and gave a verbal commitment on December 22" This is a run-on sentence. Consider breaking it up.

"DeJulius earned 2018 Mr. PSL for his play in the Detroit Public School League." Can you clarify what Mr. PSL is? Is it an award or trophy? For example, it could be "DeJulius was awarded the..." or "DeJulius earned the 2018 Mr. PSL award for..."

  • In high school basketball, the title Mr. is sort of like MVP for a domain of players. There are Mr. titles/awards for each state and in Detroit, the have an additional honor for the Detroit Public School League. It is unclear if the honor is a title or an award. The article already clarifies that the honor was for his play in the Detroit PSL.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:00, 19 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"East English had trailed in the heralded battle of the state's two best point guards 49–31 at the half and 63–53 after three quarters until DeJulius had 25 points in the second half, including erupting for 17 in the fourth quarter, against the defending 2017 Michigan High School Athletic Association Class A state champions,[17] who would repeat in 2018." This is a run-on sentence. I'm not sure of the language "heralded battle" and "erupted". This sentence also needs to accomodate to a broad audience: perhaps for this and other examples "at the half" could be "by halftime".

"The head coach of the team was John Beilein and by the end of the season DeJulius was behind Zavier Simpson and his backup Eli Brooks on the depth chart" This sentence should be reworked. Consider two sentences as I'm not sure how the head coach relates to where these people ended up by the end of the season.

"The team lost the last game of the regular season to Loyer's Michigan State Spartans finishing one game behind the Spartans and Purdue for the Big Ten regular season championship" Comma after Spartans

"On May 22, 2019, Juwan Howard was named the head coach of the Michigan Wolverines men's basketball team, signing a five-year contract" "...team, and signed a five-year contract"

"As a sophomore for the..." Consider the following: "During the 2019–20 season with the Michigan Wolverines, DeJulius played as a sophomore alongside starting guards Simpson, Brooks, and Franz Wagner. Serving in a sixth man role, he averaged 7.0 points, 2.4 rebounds, and 1.5 assists in 20.9 minutes per game coming off the bench."

"assists, both then career-highs." Rework to something like "which were both career-highs at the time".

"the Battle 4 Atlantis tournament.DeJulius added" A space is needed.

"On January 28, with Simpson suspended and Isaiah Livers sidelined, DeJulius started against Nebraska and played 34 minutes." Started meaning the first to play on the court in that specific game? Is there a way to rephrase this sentence (still incorporating started if that's the appropriate basketball term)?

  • Red XNWow. You must be from another part of the world. Starting seems to be a common term in American English regarding sports. I thought all English language speaking countries used this term for people who are playing when the game commences. I am not what editorial direction you want me to take this sentence.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:54, 19 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

"Although Simpson had completed his eligibility and Brooks would be a senior, DeJulius decided to enter the NCAA transfer portal in April 2020" Perhaps rearrange this sentence so that his decision is first, using "despite the fact Simpson...". I was initially confused by the "Although" as it made it seem like there was a weak/no correlation between his decision and those factors.

"DeJulius had contributed 10+ points eleven times for the Wolverines as a sophomore and some thought he was expected to earn the starting point guard role if he returned" Consider: "During his sophomore year with the Wolverines, DeJulius scored 10 or more points in eleven games. There was speculation that he might secure the starting point guard position if he continued with the team."

"prior to DeJulius' announcement" Possessive singular noun requires an 's' after the apostrophe (See MOS:POSS).

"the AD John Cunningham announced" Clarify what an "AD" is.

"announced the university" Consider "announced that the University of..."

"against the program" The basketball program?

"When DeJulius was celebrated for Senior Night on March 5, 2023, along with Kalu Ezikpe and Rob Phinisee. That day against SMU, he posted a career-high 30 points with 6 assists. He repeated on the All-conference third-team." These sentences do not make sense and require thorough revision. For example, he was not celebrated "for" Senior Night, leading a sentence with "that day" is poorly written and confusing and he "repeated" what?

"nation-leading 16-game streak of 5 or more assist" Nation-leading sounds like puffery. Consider rephrasing it.

"In three years at Cincinnati, DeJulius posted 1187 points and ended his final season with 192 assists, which trails only Oscar Robertson (twice) on the school list for single-season assists." It would be "After three years at..." not "In". The use of "trails only" should be rephrased to reflect its true meaning. The twice should be incorporated outside of brackets if possible.

1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
2c. it contains no original research.
2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.
3. Broad in its coverage:
3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). "On March 26, the AD John Cunningham announced the university would begin investigating allegations against the program. On April 3, it was announced that Cincinnati head coach John Brannen was placed on indefinite leave. On April 9, Cincinnati announced Brannen had been relieved of his duties effective immediately. On April 14, 2021, Cincinnati hired Wes Miller to become their next head coach, replacing Brannen." This should be summarised further as it has no direct relation to DeJulius. It was mentioned without any prior information. Why was this coach replaced?
4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
7. Overall assessment. Everything now looks good including copyright and reference spot checks. I suppose the only other cosmetic change would be capitalising College in "college stats" for External links but that is very minor so I am passing this nomination.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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