Talk:David Browne (footballer)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Kosack (talk · contribs) 07:32, 21 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I'll have a look at this one, will post review as soon as possible. Kosack (talk) 07:32, 21 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox

His full name and height need sourcing.

Lead

The lead needs expanding, for an article of this size I would be expecting two-three paragraphs.
The lead should generally not contain references. Ref 1 is certainly unnecessary and the information ref 2 is supporting should be mentioned in the main body somewhere which would make that ref superfluous as well.

Early career

Link Port Moresby.
"St Josephs International School" > St Joseph's.
Include (POMSOE FC) after mentioning Port Moresby School of Excellence so we know what the abbreviation is referring to in following uses.
This section is scoring highly on the copyvio detector and seems to match the original sources too closely. Needs to be rewritten slightly.

Club career

Unlink New Zealand, per WP:OVERLINK.
"he was named the Player of the Year", specify whether this was a club or league award.
"and voted a member of the state team", and was voted.

Auckland City

"and was selected by head coach Ramon Tribulietx after being with the club for only three months", is this referring to the previous comment about being the youngest player at the Club World Cup? If so, I don't think and is the correct wording here. The sentence may need tweaking or rewriting.
"He was also the first Papua New Guinea player", you may know more than me here but should it be Papua New Guinean?
"because of his exciting style of play, full range of talent, and performances which included", if you're quoting a source it needs to be in quotation marks and avoid paraphrasing.
"That season he was also the team's joint top scorer, tied with Joao Moreira", how many goals did they score?

PEC Zwolle

"was among players selected from 30 countries to trial", the source only states players from 30 countries applied to trial, selected may give undue weight to the process if everyone who applied was given access.
"After impressing in the showcase", source doesn't appear to support this.
"He also scored in a friendly against Jong FC Twente the following month", notable?

FC Groningen

Repeat link of Eredivisie in the first sentence.
"first five exhibitions matches" > preseason friendlies?
"It was announced on 24 February 2017 that", this sentence is unnecessary.
Unlink Germany.
" Groningen's first team squad for its final match of the 2017 season". I'm confused by this, I don't think the Eredivisie ends in December?
The final paragraph needs to distinguish that it wasn't a first team fixture.

Return to Auckland City

"however he also had a head collision with Tasman United goalkeeper Corey Wilson" > suffered a head collision?
Numbers under ten should generally be spelled out rather than using numerals, per MOS:NUM.
Repeat link of Tasman United in the final sentence.

International career

"Despite moving to New Zealand and attending school and playing football there for several years, he was ineligible for a call-up from New Zealand Football", is it relevant that he wasn't notable to play for them? Unless there were some peculiar circumstances?
"He made his senior international debut in the first of the two matches. He started and played the first 22 minutes before being sent off for an elbow to the face of Taumihau Tiatia in the eventual 1–3 defeat", mention who the opponent was for this fixture.
Taumihau Tiatia linked twice in two three sentences.

International goals

I don't believe we normally include goals at youth level in a standalone table.

Achievements

I would say this section should be renamed to honours.
Being a club's joint top scorer is not really a career honour.

References

There are a lot of publishing dates missing from the references.
Avoid using all Capitals in reference titles, even if the original publication does so, per WP:ALLCAPS.
Refs 1 and 59 are the same, merge them to one.
A few of these references appear to have expired, can we recover or archive these.
Ref 58 is from YouTube, given the title "David Browne CV", I'd suspect this may not be a reliable source.

External links

The highlight video, which is expired anyway, isn't really suitable.
Soccerway and NFT are both used as references so there's no need to repeat them here.

Unfortunately, I'm gonna fail this as it requires a significant amount of work to meet GA criteria. I've laid out a list of issues above so you know what to look for. Once these have been addressed, I think you'll have a good shout of getting this over the line with a second nomination. Thanks, Kosack (talk) 12:47, 21 July 2019 (UTC)[reply]