Talk:Darrell S. Cole/GA1

GA Review

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I am reviewing this article to see if it meets the good article criteria. My review will probably finished in the next 24 hours, after which you will have 7 days to resolve any issues I bring up. If you have any questions, concerns, or criticism (which I would greatly appreciate), don't hesitate to contact me. Cheers! Mm40 (talk) 13:13, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The issues I noticed first were the lead and the number of level 3 (===...===) subheadings.

Layout

The lead should be longer and better organized. I would suggest one paragraph each for each of the three headings. Additionally, the destroyer named in his honor should not be talked about before what he did to deserve it.

Done. --Kumioko (talk) 19:21, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Do you want to add a sentence on what he actually did in Iwo Jima? Maybe something like "Cole made a successful one-man attack against two gun emplacements impeding the advance of his company." Mm40 (talk) 20:51, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*Some subheadings should be merged. I suggest merging the three Pacific Campaign battles (Kwajalein, Saipan, Tinian) and the last three sections of "Honors and awards".

Done. --Kumioko (talk) 19:21, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Once these issues are dealt with, I will review the prose. Mm40 (talk) 14:09, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Images *On the issue of alt text: It's not needed, but if you have time, I would at least add it to the image of the USS Cole.

Alt text is done. --Kumioko (talk) 19:21, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

*Finally, for that image of the Cole, I would cut out the last word of the caption and, after merging the sections, find a better size.

USS Cole caption done, resizing not really needed in my opinion.--Kumioko (talk) 20:21, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

References

*Reference formatting: 2 and 4–8 need to be formatted like the ref 1. Ref 9 needs to be formatted like ref 3.

I think this is done. --Kumioko (talk) 20:21, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Reliability of the sources: The only source I'm really concerned about is ref 4. That references the events of the battle to the plot summary of a movie about Iwo Jima. Although the fact cited is widely-accepted, I would use another source if one is available. Less importantly, is there something showing that Darrell S. Cole Drive is named after Cole? The current reference only says that the street exists (don't fret over this; it's not a big deal). Mm40 (talk) 16:09, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think this is also done. --Kumioko (talk) 20:21, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I was suggesting another reference to replace the movie one, not just deleting the movie one. Mm40 (talk) 20:51, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Done--Kumioko (talk) 19:20, 24 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Prose review

Lead

First paragraph of lead: "conspicuous gallantry" should be in quotes.

Done--Kumioko (talk) 19:20, 24 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Second paragraph of lead: Clarify that he fought battles while being rated as a bugler.

Done--Kumioko (talk) 19:20, 24 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Second paragraph of lead: Rearrange the sentences; the first is about bugles, the second is about combat, and the third is about bugles

Done--Kumioko (talk) 19:25, 24 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Second paragraph of lead: Link Guadalcanal, Tinian, Saipan and Iwo Jima

Done--Kumioko (talk) 19:20, 24 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Second paragraph of lead: The last sentence must be changed; why does it matter that his request was approved less than four months before he died?

Done--Kumioko (talk) 19:25, 24 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Last paragraph of lead: I would add "In 1996" at the beginning. Mm40 (talk) 20:43, 22 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Done--Kumioko (talk) 19:20, 24 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Early years

I would change the section name to "Early life"

Done--Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Is there any information available on his family?

Not much online sorry, I have about 50 books on medal of Honor recpipients so I will look through them to see if I can find anything more though. --Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"He also learned to play the french horn ~~while he was young~~, which later led to him being assigned as a bugler ~~in the United States Marine Corps during World War II~~."

Done.--Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The article later says that the Medal of Honor was presented to his widow. Can you add a sentence on her name, when they married, and children (if they had any)?

I will try and find some info but I can't find much yet. --Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Military service

"...duration of the "National Emergency"." I suggest adding "brought on by Pearl Harbor" or something similar.

Done. --Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"He was unhappy with being a field musician, because he had joined a fighting outfit to fight." The phrase "fighting outfit" may not be understood; replace it with something like "the Marine Corps". Also, you can remove the comma mid-sentence.

Done--Kumioko (talk) 20:27, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Not needed for GA, but possible expansion could be done regarding his time at field musician school.

I looked around and there isn't really anything on this at the moment. At least not without treading into original research.--Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"Throughout the course of World War II, until his death on Iwo Jima Cole participated in several battles and campaigns as a machine-gunner and was promoted to the rank of sergeant in 1944." There should be a comma between "Iwo Jima" and "Cole".

Done--Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The paragraph on the Battle of Guadacanal is too focused on the battle itself (as a previous peer reviewer said). Remove everything except the who, what, when, and where.

Done. I trimmed this down but I felt I needed to give a little info on what it was. --Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"After ~~the Battle of~~ Guadalcanal Cole served..." Also, there should be a comma "Guadacanal" and "Cole".
"...battles through the Pacific theatre..." I'm pretty sure that should be "...throughout the Pacific theatre..."

Done--Kumioko (talk) 18:08, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

In the first paragraph of "Battles of Kwajalein, Saipan and Tinian", it's unclear which side won. Generally the side that puts up a "determined defense" is successful, but I don't get that impression.

Done--Kumioko (talk) 18:08, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"...stepped in as a Machine Gunner." For consistency, "Machine Gunner" should be hyphenated and lowercase.

Done--Kumioko (talk) 18:08, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Rewrite the last paragraph of "Battles of Kwajalein, Saipan and Tinian" as it doesn't make sense right now. Also, add who won at Tinian, and if Cole's squad did anything noteworthy, include that.
"It was after the Marianas campaigns, that he resubmitted his request for a change of rating for a third time." I would rewrite this sentence as "It was after the Marianas campaign that he submitted a request for a change of rating for the third time."

Done--Kumioko (talk) 18:12, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"...he was redesignated Corporal and subsequently promoted to..." Was he "redesignated" or just "designated"?

Done--Kumioko (talk) 20:31, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"...fiercest fighting of the campaign." Needs a reference
"...landings of February 19, to a final Japanese..." Remove the comma

Done--Kumioko (talk) 15:26, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"...airfields on Iwo Jima." can be replaced with "the island's airfields."

Done--Kumioko (talk) 20:25, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"The Imperial Japanese Army positions..." can be "The Japanese positions..."

Done--Kumioko (talk) 15:26, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The "1945" in "February 19, 1945" can be taken out.

Done--Kumioko (talk) 15:26, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"One of these emplacements was destroyed by Cole's machine guns." As in Cole's own gun, or someone in his squad?

They were from his guns, not his squad.--Kumioko (talk) 15:41, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"As a result of his one-man attack, Sergeant Cole enabled his company to move forward against the fortifications and attain their ultimate objective." can be reworded as "As a result of his one-man attack, Sergeant Cole's company could move forward against the fortifications and attain their ultimate objective."

Done--Kumioko (talk) 15:41, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"...Cemetery on Iwo Jima but at the request of his father his remains..." should have a comma between "Iwo Jima" and "but" as well as "father" and "his".

Done--Kumioko (talk) 15:41, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"...and he was..." should be reworded as "...to be..."

Done--Kumioko (talk) 15:41, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Honors and awards

"...Medal, Sgt Cole was awarded..." unabbreviate "Sgt" for consistency with the rest of the article.

Done--Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"The first USS Cole was not named for Sergeant Cole; however, the second..." Take out "however" because there's no contrast

Done--Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

You didn't have to take out the mention of the street named after him; I was just wondering if a better reference was available.

It didn't really lend much to the article anyway. There are some other things that were named for him as well but I cannot find the references for them yet either.--Kumioko (talk) 15:15, 26 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Also, I left a comment in response to the lead under layout near the top of this page. I'm going to make a few edits later. Mm40 (talk) 23:49, 25 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I've dealt with the issues that you missed, so I'd say the article is satisfactory now. Ideas for further expansion include his family and other things named after him. Mm40 (talk) 19:05, 27 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]