Talk:Dancing on My Own/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:17, 29 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

I will review this like I suggested previously but as the article is massive at 133,792 bytes, the review will come in stages and may take up to a week. --K. Peake 07:17, 29 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

Remove the recording date since that is not sourced Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Remove venue parameter from the infobox, as that is for live recordings Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Not done --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC) Y[reply]

>>Venue parameter and extraneous categories from infobox that were not properly referenced have been removed, please check Onan808 (talk) 20:56, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

>>>K. Peake If I'm looking for some way to list Sodermalm, Stockholm in the infobox, does it have to be in a more official capacity than this exact quote for reference from The Globe and Mail?

"Patrik Berger, a 38-year-old who has spent his entire life messing around with sound, has other ideas. His studio is in a little house, not much bigger than a shack, in a hidden courtyard off a main drag on the Stockholm island of Sodermalm. There, he brings me over to a Korg Mono/Poly synthesizer along the red-velvet wall of the back room, and starts fiddling with a knob: It was this synth, in this room, that helped him shape the iconic, throbbing bass backbone to Robyn's Grammy-nominated 2010 single Dancing On My Own. The song put him in the spotlight as an in-demand songwriter and producer. "It was one of those songs where people came up to me, talking about how much it mattered," he says." https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/music/how-stockholm-became-a-dominant-force-in-global-popmusic/article37541953/ Onan808 (talk) 00:17, 12 February 2021 (UTC)

>>>Onan808 No, as it does not name the studio. --K. Peake 06:49, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Got it.

Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Replace hlist with bullet points per Template:Infobox song

You have not addressed this; change any usage of hlist to being a bullet point on each line for a member of a list Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

>hlist format has been updated, please check it's been properly input Onan808 (talk) 21:00, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Move the genres and ballad classifications to directly before the part about what the song depicts and make the production credits the second sentence Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

>>Opening paragraph sentence order updated Onan808 (talk) 21:10, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

>>Opening paragraph order and context revamped again Onan808 (talk) 00:35, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

The first sentence should say that it "is a song by Swedish singer Robyn from her fifth studio album, Body Talk Pt. 1 (2010)" with the wikilink Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

>>Wikilink taken off of year as mentioned further below, clears up prior confusion on "excessive hyperlinking" on song's inspiration from Ultravox, etc. Wikilinks added back to artists names and songs but no longer including years released in each link. If this is not what you meant please clarify so I can reverse Onan808 (talk) 21:10, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Not done see my recent GAN "Reborn" to understand what this means, but you can keep the series part here --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Updated, I think to what you're looking for. Can the lead single mention be included or not? Onan808 (talk) 01:18, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

No, I have already stated this. Probably change "released first" to "released as the lead single" or something like that. --K. Peake 07:55, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Done, please check formatting Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Next sentence should say something like, "The song was produced by Patrik Berger and co-produced by Robyn, with the two of them writing it." Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
It should be written that the song was the lead single from the album, not the series, and mention the release date plus wikilink lead single Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Would do good to mention which version was released as the lead single

This is in the incorrect area; it should not be in the opening sentence --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Which version was released as lead now addressed in sentence that's not the lead, please clarify if needing further correction

Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"were released with" → "were released, with" but make sure release terms are not overused in the new order (altered) Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Inspired by situations" → "For the song, Robyn was inspired by situations" altered) Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

That is fine as altered, but you can use the Partly done template if you wish. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

With the genres and ballad info being moved, merge that with the sentence about what the song depicts and form a separate sentence from the one about inspiration (altered) Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Probably mention the electro-pop genre too, plus change the tracks to the songs. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC) Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"The music video shows" → "An accompanying music video was released on May 21, 2010, which shows" with the wikilink Y

Partly done you missed the comma --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC) Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Move the music video sentence to preceding the live performances (altered) Y Onan808 (talk) 17:32, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Remove "of this scenario with" part since that will be irrelevant in new order (based on change; still be included?)Y
The second para should instead begin with the reception content that is currently in the third one, followed by commercial performance and move the info after that to the third para instead, including the music video Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"The track became her first" → "The song became her first" → ""Dancing on My Own" became Robyn's first" Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Norway, and the United Kingdom later that month." → "Norway and the United Kingdom." Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"It later earned a Grammy nomination" → "The song later earned a nomination" Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Partly done the word Grammy is not needed at this point in the above prose and remove the speech marks on the award name --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC) Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"Best Dance Recording in the United States and" → "Best Dance Recording at the 53rd Annual Grammy Awards and" with the target and wikilink Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"promoted the track" → "promoted the song" Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Mention Teen Spirit is a 2018 film Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"comedy-drama series'" → "comedy-drama series" since that is the correct plural Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Add the years the series both ran through in brackets >> (not sure on correct formatting here, will attempt, please edit)

All fine, apart from the targets --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC) >>Please clarify?[reply]

I was referring to when you were targeting to the articles from the series names and their release years. --K. Peake 07:55, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Updated, see above Onan808 (talk) 21:31, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"by several outlets, many compared its theme" → "by several music critics, many compared the song's theme" with the target Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"greatest song of the year." → "greatest song of 2010." Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"of the track's original" → "of the song's original" Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"the ultimate sad banger" only the "sad banger" part is a quote properly mentioned, so the rest should not be in speech marks >>(the "ultimate sad banger") is a direct quote from the BBC article. Do you want a hyperlink there as well?

It is not written anywhere directly in the body. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Does this not count because it's referencing the Radio 1 tweet? Should I link the tweet instead? https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-52817969 Onan808 (talk) 02:00, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

No, you can use the BBC News citation in the article and add the full quote. --K. Peake 07:55, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Original quote stays, reference added, please note if more is needed Onan808 (talk) 22:19, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Target poptimist to Rockism and poptimism Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"as the greatest track" → "of the greatest tracks" Y Onan808 (talk) 18:22, 15 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Add a fourth para dedicated to info about Calum Scott's version since that is fully notable for the lead Y

I will have a look at this tomorrow. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Going to assume as I haven't gotten through to Kyle conclusion on this edit page that we'll be waiting until the resubmission of the entire article for the assessment on this concluding para re: Calum. Just putting this response on the record now to note its been seen. Onan808 (talk) 22:19, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Inspiration

Heavy revamp of entire section to heavily condense quotes, move around segments and improve MOS:QUOTE issues- much of below prior edit instruction likely no longer relevant Onan808 (talk) 00:29, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Retitle to Background and inspiration >> Two sections combined and background moved to Body Talk Pt. 1, keeping title?

Yes, you can keep. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Keeping current Inspiration title unless you'd like reverted Onan808 (talk) 00:02, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

None of the first sentence is backed up by [1]; are you sure you haven't linked to the wrong page of the article? >>Deleted
~~Target indie to Independent music >>Deleted, see above~~

Target synthpop to Synth-pop >>Deleted, see above

"Robyn in Sweden" → "studio album Robyn across Sweden" >>Deleted, see above

"and toured the record" → "and toured for the album" >>Deleted

Target singles to Single (music) >>Deleted

"she recounted her" → "the singer recounted her" >>Deleted

~~"The Kick Inside, Janet Jackson's" → "The Kick Inside and Janet Jackson's" >>Deleted~~
The Klas Åhlund part is not mentioned by [5] and the ref says they had been together for nearly six years not eight

>>Correct ref. added, date of dating added Onan808 (talk) 22:35, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Target MMA to Mixed martial arts >>Was already linked, description changed

It is currently wikilinked to itself, so fix. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Correct wikilink fixed

Onan808 (talk) 22:35, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"broken heart," she" → "broken heart", she" Y
Target people watching to People-watching Y
Add a comma after Stockholm Y
Are you sure the club names should be in single speech marks? >>There's the clubs, then the club nights they host which are in the single speech marks. If you think they should be double let me know. Also let me know about italics on club names

Club names should only be italicised if they are stylised as such in online sources/newspaper articles. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Club names no longer italicized, club nights titles at said clubs put in single speech marks instead. Please clarify if incorrect Onan808 (talk) 22:35, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"respectively (among others)." → "respectively, among others." Y

The number of refs at the end of the sentence is too many now; move them around to the appropriate areas. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC) Y[reply]

"she loved, including" → "Robyn loved, including" Y
Add release years of the songs mentioned in brackets >>Added but again not sure if added correctly, please review otherwise

Again, the only issue is too much wikilinking. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

>>What's the general rule? Not the artist but the song? Vice versa? So just include the years for the songs and don't wikilink to any of those listed? Will get rid of those and the rest in that list. Where else should that be applied to in the article? Onan808 (talk) 02:45, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Onan808 To be more specific, I was referring to targeting here I guess even though I put wikilink; you should have wikilinked the artists and the songs, but the release years should be kept while not targeted to the songs themselves. --K. Peake 07:55, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Clarified and corrected per opening paragraph Onan808 (talk) 22:29, 11 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"the song's narrative: "that god-awful" → "the song's narrative of "the god-awful" >>updated reference now is correct in referring to "that god-awful" Y

Change to "the song's narrative of "that god-awful", which is similar to what I suggested to remove use of a colon when not needed. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC) Y[reply]

"at the club."" → "at a club"." per MOS:QUOTE and that is what the actual quote says; invoke [18] here like you should already have done

The quote, unless the new one says otherwise, said "a club" not "the club", plus the MOS means punctuation being inside quotation marks when it's not a full sentence. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC) Y[reply]

"she noticed that "something was changing, especially in America...dance is the" → "she noticed that "something is changing", especially in America, saying dance is "the" with the target, to accurately quote the source Y

Partly done you still need to edit in a good amount of this one --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)Y[reply]

The "many in her generation" part is not mentioned by [12] and the rest says "to feel a part of something bigger than yourself". >>updated reference to accurately reflect quote
The quote from [12] is out of order; the two sentences after the first one come before it in the actual text, probably use [...] after sentence one to fix this issue >>see above

Onan808 I have gone over my initial comments above; one form of advice I would give is for you to take your time to ensure not missing anything. --K. Peake 22:05, 5 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Not sure if you're still referring to reference [12] and surrounding material to fix Onan808 (talk) 04:14, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I was referring to when you had like five refs at the end of one sentence. --K. Peake 07:55, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Onan808 I have made further comments below. --K. Peake 11:39, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Creation

None of the first para is sourced by [17], even Seinabo Sey's part

"red velvet" is from The Globe and Mail reference at the end of the blockquote. Seinabo reference from first Billboard article is now updated. First para is from last two references listed at end of entire section - second para also includes quotes from the same articles (2nd article at Billboard, not the Seinabo Sey one) and BBC. Do you want both repeated for each paragraph? Onan808 (talk) 01:14, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"by approximately December," → "by approximately December 2009,"

Re-tooled entire opener on this, same question on references as above applies. Onan808 (talk) 00:39, 12 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

"with it, she" → "with the song, she" >>Reworked re: above Y Onan808 (talk) 02:16, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Fix MOS:QUOTE issues in this section, but remember this only applies when it is not full sentences quoted
- Went back to review all MOS:QUOTE issues in this section, please clarify if not Y Onan808 (talk) 02:16, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Wikilink acoustic guitar Y Onan808 (talk) 02:09, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Their first result" → "Robyn and Patrik's first result" Y Onan808 (talk) 02:09, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Target acoustic to Acoustic music; I forgot to mention but you should do this in the lead too Y Onan808 (talk) 02:09, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Target country to Country music Y Onan808 (talk) 02:09, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Target chorus to Refrain Y Onan808 (talk) 02:09, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"that demo, they realized" → "the demo, the two of them realized" Y Onan808 (talk) 02:09, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"his career so far" → "his career up to 2009"
- Retooled opener so this may no longer apply, said "up until then", please clarify if correct Onan808 (talk) 02:09, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"his country's music" → "his native country of Sweden's music" Y Onan808 (talk) 03:15, 20 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"will be brightest if" → "will be brightest [...] if" for accurate representation Y Onan808 (talk) 01:18, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"something. When I" → "something. [...] When I" Y Onan808 (talk) 01:18, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"with it. They" → "with it. [...] They" but it is good you have backed this quote up Y Onan808 (talk) 01:18, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The "Swapping..." part should not be in speech marks, as the ref does not source it being a quote Y Onan808 (talk) 03:49, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"at Red Bull Music Academy" → "at the Red Bull Music Academy" Y Onan808 (talk) 03:49, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"a "long time" was" → "a "lot of time" was" to accurately quote the source Y Onan808 (talk) 03:49, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Wikilink staccato Y Onan808 (talk) 03:49, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Patrik admits they were 'super picky' about every aspect of the song and he recently found a notebook with hundreds of lyrics that were written and scrapped along the way. 'Every single word needed to feel right,' he tells Newsbeat." is what the last sentence is actually referring to, so alter the weeks part accordingly, even though the rest is alright apart from "every" needing to be changed to "[e]very".
- "Weeks" line was changed subsequently for reasons not having to do with this request, including with a new source. Please check updated section and clarify again. Onan808 (talk) 03:49, 25 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Release

>>Completely retooled this to move sections from this and put them elsewhere in article as they weren't as relevant to the topic at hand. What remained I felt was too short to justify having its own section so I've condensed it with the music video section but if you think it still should have its own/be expanded/etc. let me know.Onan808 (talk) 16:21, 28 February 2021 (UTC) Entire section removed: Parts deleted or moved to different sections where more relevant. Onan808 (talk) 00:08, 1 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

This should be the section directly after lyrics Y Onan808 (talk) 15:52, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
None of the first para is backed up apart from parts of the closing sentence
- >Resolved mos:quote issues in first paragraph for proper citation from BBC reference. Clarify if not Y Onan808 (talk) 16:09, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"in early February," → "in early February 2010,"~~
- Eliminated this portion from section, reference didn't clearly state timing on this part of production/release Y Onan808 (talk) 16:09, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"and friends hear the track." → "and friends hear it." Y Onan808 (talk) 16:13, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Fix MOS:QUOTE issues in this section
- Assuming you're referring to opening para, please clarify if not Onan808 (talk) 16:13, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Target single to Single (music) Y
- > Assuming you're referring to mention in the second para and not in opening quote, if not please clarify Onan808 (talk) 19:46, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Remove wikilinks on Body Talk Pt. 1 Y Onan808 (talk) 20:42, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"as these themes" → "as the themes" Y Onan808 (talk) 20:42, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The source provides the date being 15 March 2010, not 10 March Y Onan808 (talk) 20:42, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"episode 8 of the second season" is not backed up Y Onan808 (talk) 20:42, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
SVT1 should not be italicised Y Onan808 (talk) 20:42, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"that followed in..." this part onward is not backed up Y Onan808 (talk) 20:42, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Target promotional singles to Promotional recording, but remove the 13 April release date since that is unsourced Y Onan808 (talk) 20:42, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Target leak to Internet leak Y Onan808 (talk) 20:42, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Even though that part is sourced, remove the social media bit since no mention is offered of it Y Onan808 (talk) 20:42, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"on 20 April." → "on 20 April 2010." Y Onan808 (talk) 20:42, 26 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Re: below remaining portion of section - putting these comments here for the record for other users.: Multiple dead links on release history, formats, and countries, but especially when the track was put to radio adds in the U.S. which numerous searches I have come up empty on - a lot of dead links given the time that's elapsed and no archiving of pages from when this article was first created. I have deleted all mention of the above including the entire release format section later in this article to save space and because references of when they were first released on each specific format should suffice unless an editor/mod feels otherwise. Onan808 (talk) 16:01, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

The sentences after this one are completely unsourced Y Onan808 (talk) 01:26, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~Wikilink music video~~ Mention removed Y Onan808 (talk) 01:26, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"of the track), its album version" → "of "Dancing on My Own") the song's album version,"
- pretty sure this has been addressed, please clarify if not Onan808 (talk) 01:26, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
~~"all intended markets and platforms" are you sure this is correct, or shouldn't you name the ones like Apple Music, Amazon or what have you?~~ Phrase removed Onan808 (talk) 01:26, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Wikilink lead single Y Onan808 (talk) 01:26, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"as a bonus track to" → "as a bonus track on" with the wikilink per MOS:LINK2SECT
- pretty sure I changed this correctly, please clarify if not Y Onan808 (talk) 01:26, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Target mainstream airplay to Contemporary hit radio Y Onan808 (talk) 01:26, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Remove commas around Body TalkY Onan808 (talk) 01:26, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Production

Retitle to Production and composition Y Onan808 (talk) 00:03, 1 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Mention info about the middle eight and chorus on the audio sample text, adding the appropriate source(s) Y Onan808 (talk) 00:03, 1 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The majority of the first para prior to the quotes is not backed up by any of the sources Y Onan808 (talk) 00:03, 1 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments and verdict

I still have a lot of sections to go over, but I am putting this article On hold per the nominator's request, until they wish for me to continue the review. --K. Peake 18:47, 4 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Onan808 Sorry, but I am going to have to ✗ Fail this article. The reason is because it is simply too far from meeting the GA criteria despite being so large; I would be willing to leave onhold for a while with an article being this in depth so you could go over the many large sections in a good amount of time, but the amount of original research here is simply too much. This is not just an initial issue; I noticed this when reviewing all of the first four sections, plus the article contains unreliable sources like 19, 26, 89 and 90. Take a look at WP:RSPYT to understand that videos from unverified accounts on the platform are considered unreliable, also despite the failure I will congratulate you on expanding this article heavily and I hope you can improve the prominent issues even though it will take quite a while. --K. Peake 15:04, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]