Talk:Daddy (Beyoncé song)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 01:33, 7 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

If we are going to use her entire name, then we should address her as Knowles. It is more proper to use Knowles.
Beyoncé explained that the concept of the song was actually her parents' marriage and more specifically the qualities such as the strength and the loyalty her father has towards his family members. -> re-writing would be more effective
In general, the lead can use a bit of clarification and fixing. Try fixing it up a bit more so it reads better.

Conception

"Daddy" sees songwriting duties by Beyoncé as well as Mark Batson. -> re-write
It was a hidden track on all the editions of Dangerously in Love as the fifteenth and final track -> how is it hidden?
push-backs Knowles -> she
for the album Dangerously in Love -> include either the album, or the title, not both
by father Mathew Knowles, however Knowles -> Knowles, Knowles. Needs re-writing
which left Mathew Knowles speechless out of shock and appreciation -> try tidying up a bit
in the United States exclusively -> exclusively in the United States

Composition

Conforming to Marc Anthony Neal of the PopMatters, -> ?
I don't see how the quote really fits in here. It seems out of place and used out of context

Critical reception

that the songs -> song
wondering -> wondering what? Does he say?
that the song an extraordinary -> c/e
He ended up -> c/e
The Rolling Stone review needs to be tightened up a bit. Its a little extra and run-on, try shaving off a bit
that it is a powerful message -> has
By contrast, Allison Stewart of The Washington Post called "Daddy" a "creepy bonus track" and being one of "to the safety of torch songs" to which, according to her, the singer retreated the Destiny's Child's exuberance -> doesn't make sense. Again, you are taking quotes out of context.
Ref #5 needs a little work.

- Overall good, but try and be more careful with grammar. Its better to not rush as much but be more precise. Some editors that don't know you might not outline all these things and might quick-fail. So I say this as advice, take more caution and re-read the articles before nominating. Overall though, another nice article for Ms. Knowles. I'll come back when these issues are addressed.--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 01:58, 7 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Is it good now? Jivesh • Talk2Me 09:01, 7 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, it was called a "hidden track" by music critics. See the PopMatters link. If you see the second album of Beyonce, "Listen (song)" is also referred as a "hidden track". Jivesh • Talk2Me 10:07, 7 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

We are getting closer Jivesh, but I would like to see an improvement in the prose, especially in the lead. Please try some more ;)--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 17:28, 7 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Okay. Sorry for late reply. It is because we live in different countries. Jivesh • Talk2Me 15:58, 8 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Is it okay? Jivesh • Talk2Me 15:40, 10 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hey Jivesh. Yes much better. I'm passing it.--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 17:58, 10 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]