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Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

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This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Athomas1995. Peer reviewers: Mduno, Kqzhong, Azhao96, Emily.johnson135.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 18:58, 16 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestions

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Hi! I'm a student at Rice University, and for one of my classes we've been assigned to work on an existing Wikipedia article. I am considering choosing this one to be my focus, and I have a few suggestions for improvement. I think that the history of Dadaab should be explained further, and that there should be a section on the living conditions at the camp, to give insight into what life is like for the refugees there. Additionally, I think there should be a section about how refugees try to leave the camp, possibly with information about which countries most of the people there seek asylum in. If you would like to know where I'm planning on finding this information, please visit my user page to see a list of sources! Athomas1995 (talk) 21:19, 10 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]


I have now decided that this article will be the one I work on for my class. I would like to edit the article so that it is better organized, and want to change the title to either "Dadaab Refugee Camp Complex" or "Dadaab UNHCR Base." I propose this change because Dadaab is most notable for its UNHCR base, and nearly all of the article is already focused on it so to title the article "Dadaab" is misleading. In order to improve the organization of this article, I would like to make a "History" section, with "Background and Creation" and "1990-Present" as subsections. Next, I want to add a "Living Conditions" section, with the subsections of "Malnutrition," "Health Care," "Environmental Factors," and "Economic and Legal Status." Finally, the third main section will be "Opportunities for Asylum," containing the subsections of "UNHCR Resources," "Intended Destinations," and "Outcomes." I will also add to the existing "See Also," "Notes," and "External links" sections. Hopefully I will be able to increase traffic to this page, given the topic's immense importance. For a full description of what I plan to change, please see my proposal here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Hmp4tH4PFr6ORbn5SUWmkSBa7GlGPH7Nd2K7g0ufRAU/edit?usp=sharing Athomas1995 (talk) 07:52, 9 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Athomas1995 — Good job on your recent edits! Here are some recommendations for the article. There are a few formatting changes you could make (following the MoS), including changing titles to sentence case instead of the current title case. Along with those, I think the section "Background and creation" could be further expanded, since it serves as an important preface to the rest of the article's content. As for the rest of the article, the topics covered seem comprehensive, and hopefully you'll be able to incorporate more information from more scholarly sources to balance out the article's current reliance on news articles. Keep up the good work! Kqzhong (talk) 21:21, 21 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Hello! I really like how much effort you have put into this article so far. My biggest recommendations are to add some different factors and subsections into the article, including education, demographic information and policies related to refugees or the camp. I also think adding a discussion about the moral implications and humane or inhumane treatment of refugees with multiple viewpoints and research can also add valuable content to the article. I would also recommend expanding on the environmental factors and clearly addressing with your topic sentences in these paragraphs the reasons why these environmental factors are significant in the article. With more expansion and elaboration of ideas, I believe this article is a great contribution to Wikipedia and exposure of refugees internationally. Great job! Reillybrooks (talk) 22:28, 21 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Hey Athomas1995. Your article looks really good thus far. The content is very informative and I think the structure as shown in your outline is very good. I would just make sure that the content you present is cohesive and relevant to the section you are presenting it in- sometimes the information jumps around a little in a way that is somewhat hard to follow. Besides that I think that the flow of the article is very good, and besides some minor edits on the voice of the article to reflect an encyclopedia article I think you're well on your way. Good luck with future work! Emily.johnson135 (talk) 01:50, 22 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]


Athomas1995, your article looks great! You've added a lot of really good information about the Dadaab camps. At this point, I think all you need to focus on is rereading your article a couple times to make sure your article flows well-- try seeing if you could move around some of your information and group it so similar information is placed next to each other, and also you should think about maybe changing some of your subheadings and headings to better reflect what you are talking about in those sections. As Emily.johnson135 mentions, your article does seem a little bit jumpy, and I think this is just an issue that can be resolved with a little proofreading. Azhao96 (talk) 16:24, 3 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Athomas1995, all of the changes you've made look really great. My few suggestions would be to tidy up the history section so that it doesn't include information about how the camp currently functions and to add some more specific information about women's experiences in the camp. But overall the article flows very well and is very well written. I look forward to seeing how else you plan to develop this article.Mduno (talk) 19:26, 4 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review

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I really enjoyed reading this article and learned a lot of new information. The article was unbiased and was well-supported with relevant data and statistics. The main things I would work on are parceling the information as to avoid large paragraphs and tweaking the illustration placements in order to enhance the overall format of the article.

MYao (talk) 01:30, 5 November 2015 (UTC)MYao[reply]

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