Talk:Cynthia Lummis/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: ExcellentWheatFarmer (talk · contribs) 16:29, 26 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hi there! I'll be reviewing this article. I'll be posting my thoughts on the article over the course of the next few days, with some suggested changes and the like. Looking forward to learning about Miss Lummis! – ExcellentWheatFarmer (talk) 16:29, 26 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Criteria

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Overview

Page and talk page seems quite stable.
Ran the page through Earwig's Copyvio detector, and nothing was found except for a singular quote.
Upon skimming through the article, a major issue is the lack of any content from February 2021 onwards. It’s been 8 months, surely she's done stuff since then?
The structure of the Career section really shouldn't have every subsection split into Elections and Tenure. It should, in the best case scenario, be formatted chronologically.
There's a lot of redlinks here. It would be wise to remove them until the articles have actually been created.
The citations throughout the article are all good. They are all verifiable and non-biased. No obvious OR, either.
All the mentions of money should use Template:Inflation.

Lede

Infobox looks good.
"She was elected to the Wyoming House of Representatives in 1978 and reelected in 1980, becoming the youngest woman to serve in the state legislature, but chose to not seek another term in 1982. She returned to the state house in the 1984 election and served until she was elected to the Wyoming Senate in 1992, defeating incumbent Senator Harriet Elizabeth Byrd." -> "She was elected to the Wyoming House of Representatives in 1978 and was re—elected in 1980, becoming the youngest woman to serve in the state legislature. Despite choosing not to seek another term in 1982, Lummis returned to the state House and served there until being elected to the state Senate in 1992, defeating incumbent Senator Harriet Elizabeth Byrd."
"She served on Governor Jim Geringer's transition team and as his general counsel after serving one term in the state senate." -> "After serving one term in the state senate, she served on Governor Jim Geringer's transition team and as his general counsel."
"Lummis was elected Treasurer of Wyoming in 1998, and reelected without opposition in 2002, but was unable to seek reelection due to term limits implemented by legislation that she chose to not constitutionally challenge." -> "In 1998, Lummis was elected as Treasurer of Wyoming, and was subsequently re—elected in 2002 without opposition."
"She served as the chair of Mary Mead's gubernatorial campaign in 1990 and Ray Hunkins's gubernatorial campaign in 2006. She also served on Bob Dole's presidential steering committee in Wyoming and chaired Mitt Romney's 2012 presidential campaign in Wyoming." The mention of Mead's campaign should go where it chronologically belongs.
"Lummis was elected to succeed Barbara Cubin in the U.S. House of Representatives in the 2008 election after narrowly defeating Democratic nominee Gary Trauner, but faced less opposition in her other elections." How does the "but" relate to "less opposition"? And what does "less opposition" mean?
"Lummis unsuccessfully sought to be appointed to replace Senator Craig L. Thomas in 2007, but was elected to the United States Senate in the 2020 election, becoming the first woman to represent Wyoming in the U.S. Senate." Split into two sentences and remove the "but".

Early life and education

"Her brother Del Lummis chaired the Laramie County Republican Party. She is descended from German immigrants and her family first came to Wyoming in 1868." Switch these two sentences around.
"She graduated from Cheyenne East High School.[6] Lummis graduated from the University of Wyoming with a Bachelor of Science degree in animal science in 1976, and a Bachelor of Science in biology in 1978." -> "Lummis attended Cheyenne East High School, and later graduated from the University of Wyoming with a Bachelor of Science degree in animal science in 1976, and a Bachelor of Science in biology in 1978."
Is there anything on how she got into politics? Being a student teacher to a state rep is a bit of a jump.
"Lummis has a net worth of $12.26 million... to own cryptocurrency." This doesn't relate to her early life or education, and should probably go under the Personal Life section.

State Legislature

"Lummis was elected to the Wyoming House of Representatives from Laramie County in 1978. She was the youngest woman to serve in the state legislature, at age 24." -> "In 1978, Lummis was elected to the Wyoming House of Representatives at age 24, being the youngest woman to ever serve in the state legislature."
"In 1990, Senator Dan Sullivan, a Republican, resigned from the Wyoming Senate and Senate Majority Leader Diemer True stated that Lummis was qualified to replace Sullivan in the state senate, but was busy serving as a campaign manager in the gubernatorial election." -> "In 1990, when Republican Senator Dan Sullivan resigned from the Wyoming Senate, Senate Majority Leader Diemer True stated that Lummis was qualified to replace Sullivan in the state senate. However, she could not the position, as she was busy serving as a campaign manager in the gubernatorial election."
"defeated Norman P. Feagler for the Republican nomination, and defeated incumbent Democratic Senator Harriet Elizabeth Byrd in the general election." -> "defeating Norman P. Feagler for the Republican nomination, and incumbent Democratic Senator Harriet Elizabeth Byrd in the general election."
"During the campaign she spent $11,661 while Byrd spent $9,878, making Lummis the fifth-highest spending elected candidate in the 1992 election." -> "During the campaign Lummis spent $11,661, making her the fifth-highest spending elected candidate in the 1992 election."
"On June 8, 1994, Lummis announced that she would not run for reelection, saying she had other commitments to her family, and Don Lawler was elected to succeed her." -> "On June 8, 1994, Lummis announced that she would not run for reelection, saying she had other commitments to her family. Don Lawler was elected to succeed her."
"During Lummis's tenure in the state house" -> "During Lummis's tenure in the state house,"
"During her tenure in the state senate she served on the Judiciary committee." This sentence seems to just be a repetition of the previous sentence. Would recommend cutting it.
"After leaving the state legislature she was appointed to serve on Jim Geringer's gubernatorial transition team and was appointed to serve as his general counsel, a post she held until 1997." -> "After leaving the state legislature, she was appointed to serve on Jim Geringer's gubernatorial transition team, and served as his general counsel until 1997."
Capitalise "office"
"Wiederspahn was charged with reckless driving after getting into an accident that injured Lummis." -> "On February 28 1982, Lummis was injured in a car accident while Wiederspahn was driving."
"In 1982, a man voted cast Lummis's vote while she was outside the room during a roll-call vote in favor of legislation about the treatment of non-resident traffic offenders. Lummis changed the vote to a nay after coming back in and Representative Ken Burns said that this was an example of why electronic voting was needed." -> "In a 1982 roll-call vote in favor of legislation about the treatment of non-resident traffic offenders, a man voted cast Lummis's vote while she was outside the room. Lummis changed the vote to a nay after coming back in, and Representative Ken Burns cited this as an example of why electronic voting was needed."
"During the 1988 Republican presidential primaries Lummis" -> "During the 1988 Republican presidential primaries Lummis,"
"She served as Mary Mead's campaign manager" -> "She served as Republican candidate Mary Mead's campaign manager"

Treasurer

"In 1996, Treasurer Stan Smith announced that he would not seek reelection to a fifth term in 1998, and Lummis was speculated as a candidate to replace him." -> "On November 17, 1996, incumbent Treasurer Stan Smith announced that he would not be seeking reelection for a fifth term in 1998, with Lummis being speculated as the likely candidate to replace him."
"and she formally announced her campaign on April 20 at a press conference alongside Smith." -> "and formally announced her campaign on April 20, at a press conference alongside Smith."
"During the campaign the Attorney General" -> "During the campaign, the Attorney General"
"She announced on April 30, that she would seek reelection as treasurer and was reelected without opposition in 2002." -> "She announced on April 30 that she would seek reelection as treasurer, and was reelected without opposition in 2002."
"Nobody had filed to run in the Democratic primary and nobody received 25 write-in votes to qualify for the nomination, except for Lummis, making her the only statewide candidate to not face opposition in the 2002 election." -> "Lummis was the only statewide candidate to not face opposition in the 2002 election, as nobody had filed to run in the Democratic primary and no other candidate received the 25 write-in votes required to qualify for the nomination."
"She was limited to two terms as treasurer and did not challenge the constitutionality of the legislation despite the Wyoming Supreme Court having invalidated term limits on state legislators." -> "She was limited to two terms as treasurer and did not challenge the constitutionality of the legislation, despite the Wyoming Supreme Court having invalidated term limits on state legislators."
"She also planned a 1% increase on the interest yield of Wyoming's $2.6 billion permanent fund which would raise $26 million per year." -> "She also planned a 1% increase on the interest yield of Wyoming's $2.6 billion permanent fund, which would raise $26 million per year."
"She served on the Wyoming Board of Land Commissioners alongside Governor Geringer, Secretary of State Meyer, Auditor Max Maxfield, and Superintendent of Public Instruction Judy Catchpole." WP:JOBTITLE
"During her tenure the Permanent Mineral Trust Fund rose to over $2 billion for the first time." -> "During her tenure, the Permanent Mineral Trust Fund rose to over $2 billion for the first time."
"Lummis announced a conflict of interest, involving her role as treasurer of Arp and Hammond Hardware Company, in April 2001, which had existed since April 2000, but Lummis claimed only existed since December 2000." -> "In April 2001, Lummis announced a conflict of interest involving her role as treasurer of the Arp and Hammond Hardware Company, which Lummis claimed had existed from December 2000, but had existed since April 2000."
"Even though the results in Natrona County could not overturn the statewide results the results in the county would determine which county was placed first on the ballot." -> "Even though the results in Natrona County could not overturn the statewide results, they would determine which county was placed first on the ballot."
"During the 2004 presidential election she served as one of Wyoming's 28 delegates to the Republican National Convention." -> "During the 2004 presidential election, she served as one of Wyoming's 28 delegates to the Republican National Convention."
A lot of the sentences in the last paragraph start with "she". Try rephrasing them to use different words.

United States House of Representatives

"On January 2, 2008, Lummis announced that she would run in the election and won the Republican nomination against Mark Gordon, Bill Winney, and Michael Holland. During the Republican primary she had challenged her opponents to debates held in all 23 Wyoming counties." -> "On January 2, 2008, Lummis announced that she would run for Cubin's seat, winning the Republican nomination against Mark Gordon, Bill Winney, and Michael Holland, having challenged them to debates held in all 23 Wyoming counties during the primaries."
"Tucker Fagan, who later served as her chief of staff, served as Lummis's campaign manager and during the campaign Rachael Seidenschnur, her press secretary, resigned after using a fake name to ask Lummis's opponent a question." Split this sentence.
"Lummis was reelected in 2010 against Democratic nominee David Wendt and Libertarian nominee John V. Love after having raised $780,426 and spent $754,270 compared to Wendt, who had raised $65,709 and spent $68,523." -> "Lummis was reelected in 2010 against Democratic nominee David Wendt and Libertarian nominee John V. Love, after having raised $780,426 and spending $754,270 compared to Wendt, who had raised $65,709 and spent $68,523."
"Lummis considered running for the Republican nomination in the 2018 gubernatorial election but declined to run and endorsed Sam Galeotos." -> "Lummis considered running for the Republican nomination in the 2018 gubernatorial election, but declined to run and endorsed Sam Galeotos." Also wiki link the 2018 gubernatorial election.
"She was the first representative from Wyoming to serve on the Agriculture committee since Frank O. Horton did from 1939 to 1941." -> "She was the first representative from Wyoming to serve on the Agriculture committee since Frank O. Horton, who served on the committee from 1939 to 1941."
"Lummis left the Appropriations committee in 2013, saying she had requested her removal from the committee and that it was not involved with a purge of radical Republicans from committee positions." Radical? Has Lummis been described as radical anywhere else?
"Lummis served on the Republican whip team until she was removed from the position in 2015 for voting against giving President Barack Obama the authority to propose a trade agreement with Pacific countries." -> "Lummis served on the Republican whip team until she was removed from the position in 2015, for voting against giving President Barack Obama the authority to propose a trade agreement with Pacific countries."
"During the 2016 Republican presidential primaries she was a campaign surrogate for Rand Paul and later endorsed Trump in the presidential election." -> "During the 2016 Republican presidential primaries, she was a campaign surrogate for Rand Paul, and later endorsed Trump in the presidential election."

United States Senate

"Senator Craig L. Thomas died on June 4, 2007, and Lummis announced on June 12 that she would seek an appointment to replace him." -> "After Senator Craig L. Thomas died on June 4, 2007, Lummis announced on June 12 that she would seek an appointment to replace him."

Political Positions

This section should probably be expanded in certain areas - ones that most immediately jump to mind are economics (her views on cryptocurrency could probably go here) and energy and climate change (due to it being the shortest) come to mind.
"The Wyoming Right to Choose political action committee" -> "The Wyoming "Right to Choose" political action committee"
"Lummis said in the 1990s that abortion was a sin, but that it should not be illegal as an individual was in a better position to evaluate their circumstances instead of the state." -> "Lummis said in the 1990s that abortion was a sin, but that it should not be illegal, as an individual was in a better position to evaluate their circumstances instead of the state." Also, if it's a direct quote from Lummis, write it as such. And when in the 1990s?

Electoral History

Remove the expanding part. Most other U.S. politicians with an electoral history sections don't have it formatted like this, and it doesn't look particularly good.

Comments

Thank you for your review. I am still active and looking on Wikipedia, but I can't do major edits at the moment due to college. I will be able to make edits requested by this review though. Jon698 (talk) 05:32, 27 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Jon698 That's perfectly fine. I've put the review on hold for the next week or so, as there's a lot of changes here that need to be made and I wouldn't want you to be overwhelmed by them. Thanks! – ExcellentWheatFarmer (talk) 21:01, 1 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  - @ExcellentWheatFarmer: I have done all of the edits that you requested. Also I would like to answer some of the questions you had. For "The structure of the Career section really shouldn't have every subsection split into Elections and Tenure. It should, in the best case scenario, be formatted chronologically." I think it is easier for the reader to have those since all activities done by a politician can be divided into either elections or tenure. For "Is there anything on how she got into politics? Being a student teacher to a state rep is a bit of a jump." it isn't really a jump considering that the districts back then only required a few thousand votes to get elected and her family had been in politics before. Jon698 (talk) 05:58, 4 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    - Almost forgot to answer this question. "Upon skimming through the article, a major issue is the lack of any content from February 2021 onwards. It’s been 8 months, surely she's done stuff since then?" The reason for the lack of coverage after February 2021 is simply due to there being nothing for her to do right now. The Senate is always in gridlock due to the filibuster and as a member of the minority party she really doesn't have much to do. When she is in the majority there will be more stuff about her. Jon698 (talk) 05:59, 4 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Jon698 That's all the immediate changes I can see. I would still recommend getting someone from the Guild of Copyeditors to look this over as I am a relative novice to it, but overall the article looks good. When the changes are implemented I'll be happy to pass it. – ExcellentWheatFarmer (talk) 22:04, 13 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Just a courtesy ping for @Jon698, as the review's been on hold for nearly a week.
  - I will be able to edit this page around night for me in CST in the US. I have been busy with tests and college work recently. Jon698 (talk) 14:13, 22 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
    - Hey I'm going to start editing the page once I get back from lunch in 1-2 hours. Jon698 (talk) 15:50, 23 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
      - @ExcellentWheatFarmer: I have done all of the edits you requested. Jon698 (talk) 19:07, 27 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
        In which case, I will pass! Thank you for your work as well as your patience. Good luck with college! ExcellentWheatFarmer (talk) 19:18, 27 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]