Talk:Cyclone Kelvin/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: KN2731 (talk · contribs) 05:29, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take a look at this. At a glance, the prose has much room for improvement, especially in the lead and impacts section. I also notice the impacts contain a lot of rainfall totals with little mention of why each of them is notable (and thus worthy of inclusion). Aside from that, the use of km/h or kph isn't consistent and should be fixed. ~ KN2731 {talk · contribs} 05:29, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I'm going to use km/h since unfortunately the infobox can't use kph (I prefer kph for regional consistency). About rainfalls, it's to be consistent with Cyclone Owen which got into GA with it. Mario Jump 83! 03:27, 17 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

NB: All ref numbers listed are as of this linked revision.

Lead

Mention dissipation at the end of the first paragraph?

Done. But I can't say for sure it's "dissipation", so I used last noted term instead. Mario Jump 83! 10:06, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Property damage was sustained at Broome and Nita Downs, where the cyclone made landfall, as well as infrastructural damage to the Great Northern Highway and was cut off as a result of the heavy rainfall and flooding, leading to shortage of supplies and the repairs was estimated to take months. This is a very, very long sentence, and the sentence structure is all over the place. What was cut off? Broome and Nita Downs? And how so? Were the repairs to the highway or to property damage? What is causing what here?

Fixed Jay Tee 🐦 20:02, 16 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Pastoralist stations were heavily affected by the cyclone, including Anna Plains Station, which was sustaining property damages as well, and Mandora Station, which flooded the half of entire station. Firstly, "Pastoralist" is a noun meaning someone who farms sheep or cattle. I think the word you're looking for here is "pastoral". Next: "was sustaining" should be simply "sustained" (past tense for damage that occurred in the past). Property damage was the effect of Kelvin on Anna Plains Station, the words "as well" indicate some additional form of damage and should be scrapped. Lastly, "which flooded the half of entire station" reads like a word is in the wrong place.

Fixed Jay Tee 🐦 20:02, 16 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Meteorological history

Ref 2 doesn't support the 955 hPa central pressure nor AusC3 status. You may want to cite the BOM best track instead of the preliminary report for that.

Fixed. Used the IbTRACS as a references. Mario Jump 83! 07:30, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Ref 6 goes to the wrong cyclone.

Fixed. Mario Jump 83! 07:30, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

the period of rapid intensification that had been forecast finally eventuated. There's no earlier mention of RI being forecast, so this seems somewhat out of place.

Changed to one more supporting the source. Mario Jump 83! 07:30, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

What's the point of including the JTWC pressure?

Removed, then. Mario Jump 83! 07:30, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Why is AWST used in some instances while UTC used in others? For those not familiar with the time zones, it makes for a confusing read. I'm also assuming local time on the following day implies AWST but it would be best to clarify that.

Fixed to AWST. Mario Jump 83! 07:30, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

The infobox states that Kelvin became a remnant low on 20 February and dissipated on 21 February, but none of this is mentioned (and thus not cited) in this section.

See below. Mario Jump 83! 10:06, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Ref 10 doesn't support the content – there is no "Ex-TC Kelvin" listed after 21 February. According to this the remnants of Kelvin were due to merge with another low and it's unclear whether it made it back over the ocean. Meanwhile this at least states the remnants of Kelvin moved through the Nullarbor Plain.

Redone the paragraph that has this. The system was last noted by BoM on 21 February, and the remains that drifted above Nullarbor Plain and emerged above Great Australian Bight (per this [1]) is the remnant moisture. I'm not adding things about the ultimate fate of this storm as the source talking about it is unfortunately a forecast. Mario Jump 83! 10:06, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Impacts

Some material that could be added: [2] and [3] cover some disaster relief, while [4] mentions that wastewater plants overflowed.

Added. Mario Jump 83! 14:29, 21 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Why cite three individual storm reports and violate WP:SYNTH when ref 25 directly supports that paragraph?

Removed. Mario Jump 83! 07:30, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Repeated impact also caused exhaustion What does "repeated impact" mean? The deluge of cyclones during the season or responding to multiple calls during one cyclone? Also, is "exhaustion" used just to indicate feelings of tiredness or in the medical sense?
- Second part still isn't fixed. ~ KN2731 {talk · contribs} 02:38, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  - I don't think I can explain the second part of that statement without coming to WP:OR. Instead I moved it down towards the paragraph that describes the aftermath. Mario Jump 83! 09:38, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Infrastructural damage in excess of AUS$16 million (US$12.7 million) also occurred along the Great Northern Highway due to the heavy rainfall and flooding,[21][20] causing some parts of the highway to be closed, especially in Willare Roadhouse and Sandfire Roadhouse, as well as a road between Broome and Roebuck Plains.[2] There are a couple of things wrong with this sentence. First, Willare and Sandfire Roadhouses are fuel stations and thus point locations, not regions. The source states that parts of the highway between the two roadhouses were closed, not at the two roadhouses as the sentence currently implies. Furthermore, "a road between Broome and Roebuck Plains" is still part of the highway according to the source.
- @JayTee32: might want to reread this. ~ KN2731 {talk · contribs} 02:38, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  - I fixed this. Mario Jump 83! 10:05, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Cutting off several towns in the Kimberley region for some time, flooding led into shortage of food supplies. Sentence fragment, needs to be reworded for flow.
- This hasn't been addressed. ~ KN2731 {talk · contribs} 02:38, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  - Rewritten. Mario Jump 83! 10:05, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]
It is estimated that due to repeated impacts from previous cyclones, which led into road infrastructure being weakened, repairs were estimated to take months. "Estimated" is unnecessarily repeated, "led into" should be "led to", and if you read carefully the source specifies that it was previous repairs to road infrastructure that were weakened, not road infrastructure in general.

See below. Mario Jump 83! 09:38, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

According to the source, said bridge over the Logue River is called the Logue River bridge and is part of the Great Northern Highway. This whole bit could be moved up and combined with the earlier part about multiple cyclone impacts causing repairs to be delayed.

Well... I'm sorry I can't do this at that time because I'm very busy. Thanks though. Mario Jump 83! 09:38, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Nitpick by a native English speaker, but "repairment" is essentially never used as "repairs" conveys the same meaning far more effectively.

Fixed. Mario Jump 83! 10:06, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

References

See Help:Citation Style 1#Work and publisher. In the instances where ABC News is the work, it isn't necessary to include Australian Broadcasting Corporation as the publisher.

Well then. I replaced everything with |website=ABC News|publisher=Australian Broadcasting Corporation into |work=ABC News. Mario Jump 83! 09:17, 16 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Ref 1: title doesn't match

Fixed. Mario Jump 83! 07:30, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Ref 2 doesn't have a date? Was the BOM so fast that they managed to get the report out by end-February 2018?

Fixed. Mario Jump 83! 07:30, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Ref 4: BOM is the publisher, no need for website

Fixed. Mario Jump 83! 07:30, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

For ref 18, The Guardian should be the work (it being the newspaper that the article was in), while Australian Associated Press is the news agency that contributed to the article.

Fixed. Mario Jump 83! 10:06, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Ref 22 gives a 404 error. Besides, The Weekly Times should be the work and not the publisher.

Removed. Mario Jump 83! 10:06, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

The prose is somewhat disjointed and doesn't flow very well, especially in the lead and impacts section. If you have difficulties addressing the prose issues (I do note you mention on your user page that your level of English is intermediate), you may want to request for a copyedit or ping someone to help out. There are also some verifiability issues but those shouldn't be too hard to fix. ~ KN2731 {talk · contribs} 05:29, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@JayTee32: You can try to help me copyediting this article, as you did during Cyclone Owen. (Thank you so much!) I'll try to fix the rest. Mario Jump 83! 06:30, 15 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@MarioJump83:, taken care of in lead, met history, and impact. And I'm impressed with your work for a non-native English speaker, just keep in mind your tenses if I may offer advice :) Jay Tee 🐦 15:35, 17 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your copyediting, I'll fix the rest then. Mario Jump 83! 01:22, 18 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Couple more things:

For consistency: BoM or BOM?

BoM.

Fixed Mario Jump 83! 06:46, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Is 135 km/h (85 mph) converted correctly?

Changed to one in IBTRACS. Mario Jump 83! 06:46, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Are blue/yellow/red alerts some sort of heavy rainfall warning? Is there something to link to? Otherwise it may be best to explain that in the article.

Explained in the article. Mario Jump 83! 09:38, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

A few things above under Impact haven't been addressed.

Okay. I fixed them all. Mario Jump 83! 10:05, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Nearly there @MarioJump83:, just a few things left to work through. ~ KN2731 {talk · contribs} 02:38, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I'm going to fix them ASAP. This is quite bothering when there are finals in this week... Mario Jump 83! 10:05, 26 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@KN2731: This is all done. @JayTee32: please give some of your time to copyedit this article again. Mario Jump 83! 07:49, 27 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@MarioJump83:, done and done. Jay Tee 🐦 13:13, 27 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Passing, well done. Hope your finals went smoothly, MarioJump83. ~ KN2731 {talk · contribs} 03:36, 29 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]