Talk:Cyclone Jasmine/GA1
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Reviewer: 12george1 (talk · contribs) 21:31, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
- "Cyclone Jasmine inundated areas of Tonga that had already been affected by Cyclone Cyril just a week prior." - Just say "Jasmine" rather than "Cyclone Jasmine", so you can avoid using the word "Cyclone" twice in one sentence. Although you did that earlier in the lead, you could not avoid using "cyclone" twice then, but here you can.
- "By the end of 11 February, Cyclone Jasmine had already weakened to a cyclone" - Ditto
- "Cyclone Jasmine was able to attain a secondary peak intensity of 85 km/h (50 mph), sustained for one minute, as the cyclone's banding features became better defined." - Ditto
- "Due to Cyclone Jasmine's position between two anticyclones, the cyclone erratically moved in a loop in the vicinity of Tonga from 14 to 15 February," - Ditto
- "Damage associated with Jasmine was mostly of agricultural nature, primarily to crops and fruit trees.[15] Casava and banana crops were damaged by the storm, but did not pose any threat to food security.[18] Damage to infrastructure was reported in Tanna. Tanna suffered from primarily damage to food crops. Areas that had traditions of not consuming damaged crops were especially impacted by the damage to food crops." - In these five sentences, you use the words "damage" or "damaged" six times, including twice in the same sentence. Is there anyway you can cut that down, like alternative it with the word "loses"?"
- "was reported in Tanna. Tanna suffered from primarily" - This is a redundancy. You cannot start a sentence with the word used to end the previous sentence. Perhaps you may even be able to merge those two sentences.
- "Cyclone Jasmine brought heavy rains and flooding to Tonga, which had already been impacted by heavy rains from Cyclone Cyril just a week prior." - You should probably only refer to it as "Jasmine" here, too.
- In the references, #2 and #16 do not follow the apparently date standard for this article, which is month, day, then year.
- I am not sure if this is required, but it might be a good idea to keep the accessdates consistent to their standard, which is day, month, and then year.
- "Krisman, ALex (February 5, 2012). "Tropical Cyclone Jasmine forms of QLD coast". - What's with the capitalized "L" in Alex?
Done - Fixed all the aforementioned comments. As for the dates and access dates, since all the dates in the article are day month year anyway, I corrected all access dates and regular standard dates to that standard. TheAustinMan(Talk·Works) 23:03, 16 January 2013 (UTC)- Thanks for the quick response. I am now gonna pass this article.--12george1 (talk) 23:06, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
