Talk:Cyclone Haruna/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: TheAustinMan (talk · contribs) 20:56, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, Hurricanehink. I will be reviewing Cyclone Haruna, using my typical section by section format. Please respond to each comment so I can make sure that my concerns were corrected. Thanks in advance. TheAustinMan^{(Talk·Works)} 20:56, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"...that produced widespread flooding and disease outbreak..." → Since disease outbreaks are a limited, confined event and not a "general occurrence," I would suggest saying 'a disease outbreak' and not the way it is presented currently.
- I added the "a", if that's what you mean. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"...Haruna developed in the Mozambique channel in the middle of February 2013..." → Since Mozambique Channel in its entirety is a proper noun, please capitalize 'channel.'
- Disagreed. We've been told before on FAC that stuff like "Florida Panhandle" and "Yucatan Peninsula" shouldn't have the second word capitalized. It's not a complete proper noun. The first part is proper, but the latter bit is a common thing. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"...between Madagascar and southeastern Madagascar." → So it developed in an island between a portion of the island the the entire island itself? I think you mean Mozambique, :P. And since you would have Mozambique in this sentence you would link it here and not the next sentence.
- Gosh, I don't even know what I meant. I fixed. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"It weakened significantly while crossing the country, and MFR discontinued advisories on February 24." → You should note that Haruna survived the Madagascar trek and was in the Indian Ocean for a period of time before dissipating.
- Added. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Haruna killed 26 people and injured 127 directly..." → Is there a count for indirect injuries? TheAustinMan^{(Talk·Works)} 20:56, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- I don't even know what an indirect injury is, so I don't think so. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Meteorological history

"In the middle of February, an area of convection, or thunderstorms, persisted in the Mozambique channel." → Again, capitalize channel.
"MFR upgraded the depression to a moderate tropical storm after an advanced scatterometer..." → Would it be possible to specify the satellite which held this scatterometer?
- I probably could, but is that relevant to the article? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"...the National Weather service of Madagascar gave it the name Haruna." → Capitalize 'service'
- Mk. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"On February 23, Haruna weakened to an overland depression with 10 minute winds of around 45 km/h (30 mph)." → You should just say "tropical depression", so people don't confuse overland depression with its geological counterpart. TheAustinMan^{(Talk·Works)} 20:56, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- But that's a specific term from MFR. I don't think people would be confused though. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Impact and aftermath

"...along with about 200 Red Cross volunteers..." → You could link Red Cross.
- Added. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Tons could be converted to tonnes. TheAustinMan^{(Talk·Works)} 20:56, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm not sure if it should, actually. The site isn't the most clear what sort of ton it refers to, and I think that adds a bit of unnecessary clutter. Conversion is ideal for units like speed and length. Weight for random relief supplies? Eh, I disagree :P --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

All in all this is a pretty good article. Will pass when the issues are fixed.

Thanks for review! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 23:14, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]