Talk:Cyclone Favio/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 16:30, 5 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

" was the first known tropical cyclone" - given what "tropical cyclone" means in the SWIO, I'd say something like "storm" as a pipe from TC. Like storm. Also, is there a better ref than GP who said the opening statement's fact? GP only uses operational data, so it's not the most valid in terms of records.
- Favio was a cyclone as well, and it's not like the storm was altered significantly during re-anylsis.
" Early on February 11, 2007, a zone of disturbed weather first formed west of Madagascar." - that's not true at all, per the track
- Fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The opening paragraph of the lede is very dry. Try merging a few of the sentences.
You're missing Madagascar impact. The storm passed just to the south, it had to have caused impact there.
- No, it did not affect Madagascar. OTherwise, I would have added it (as soon as I type this, I will magically find impact) `Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane
"Intense Tropical Cyclone Favio brought widespread damage to Vilanculos in Mozambique" - how can there be widespread damage in just one city?
- The city is big. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Uprooted trees caused by the cyclone also blocked roads." - the also seems weird, and is this also in relation to Vilanculos? If so, merge this with the subsequent sentence.
- Removed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"In the city, The cyclone killed four people and injured at least 70 in the town. " - watch capitalization.
- Not part of the article anymore. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane
Overall, there is too much focus on Vilanculos. The town only has 25,000 people in it. I understand it was largely destroyed, but the lede has a bit too much detail for there.
- Cut somewhat. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"$71 million 2007 USD in damage" - parenthesis would be nice.
- Agreed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Around 130,000 homes suffered damage and 130 schools were leveled by the tropical cyclone. " - overall? In Vilanculos? In Mozambique?
- Clarifiyed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane
"An airplane was crushed in an airport as well. " - too trivial
- Cut back. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane
"A total of 33,000 people were left homeless during the system." - again, in Vilanculos? Mozambique? Overall? Also, "during the system" is odd.
- See above. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Cyclone Favio destroyed 277,000 hectares of crops." - short sentence, and needs a conversion to acres.
"Furthermore, 160,000 people were affected by the storm throughout the country." - what does it mean if they are affected?
- Why do you always bring that up in articles? It's fine. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"In Zimbabwe, 400 electricity poles were downed." - that is a pretty horrible way to summarize the damage outside of Mozambique. It is a very short sentence, not the best worded.
- It did squat to non-Mozambique, it's the only stat there is. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Because many people were concerned about the outbreak of diseases after the storm, health officials provided public awareness. One agency donated $626,500, helping transport 50,000 mosquito nets to the devastated area." - these don't make sense next to each other.
- Hardly. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"In all, the government was praised for how well they handled the disaster." - by whom?
- This is the lead, I don't need to go into detail here. It's long enough as it is. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane
"Cyclone Favio originated from a zone of that Météo-France (MF) first classified as a zone of disturbed weather at 1200 UTC February 11, 2007." I don't even know what's wrong with this sentence. Link UTC, btw.
- Done. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Twelve hours later, the agency issued their first advisory on Favio." - how? The previous sentence said JTWC issued the first advisory.
- Merged. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"According to the Joint Typhoon Warning Center (JTWC), an area of convection developed 340 mi (550 km) south-southwest of Diego Garcia" - that feels totally wrong at the end of the paragraph.
- Tweaked paragraph alignment. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"However, sea surface temperatures in the area were 84 °F (29 °C) so gradual intensification was predicted and the storm was projected to become a severe tropical storm within 48 hours." - comma needed. Also, since it's SWIO, it should be C first, not F. Also, what does 84/29 mean? Is that warm or not? Why would that allow it to become an STS?
- Fixed. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
" Continuing to encounter more favorable conditions, the JTWC issued a Tropical Cyclone Formation Alert (TCFA) on February 14." - you said in the previous paragraph that the JTWC began issuing advisories. How...?
- What does that have to do with anything? Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
BTW, the abbreviation for Meteo-France is MFR.
- I am consistent. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Eighteen hours later, the system was named Favio by the Meteorological Services of Mauritius[1] as the system; according to MWR, had intensified into a moderate tropical storm." - dates are helpful. Also, I think misuse of semicolon.
- They are, but the semicolon use is fine here IMO. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane

All in all, the article is pretty poorly written. I'm only halfway through the MH, and there are still many problems. The article is not good, and the content could be better, too. I'm going to have to fail the GAN, sorry. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 16:30, 5 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

- Ill hire Auree to c/e this, though the content is fine. This article is like 25 kb, and it only killed 10 in a piss poor country. Y E ^Pacific ^Hurricane 04:05, 16 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]