Talk:Consett Iron Company/GA1
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GA Review
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Reviewer: CorporateM (talk · contribs) 05:25, 12 October 2014 (UTC)
I'll take on this review. CorporateM (Talk) 05:25, 12 October 2014 (UTC)
- Many thanks for volunteering your time, it's much appreciated. Chiswick Chap (talk) 07:48, 12 October 2014 (UTC)
First look
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Lede
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- It looks like parts of the Lede are cited and parts aren't. If the cited parts aren't included in the body, I think that's ok. However, if they are, you should stick to one format or another (cites in the Lede or no cites) CorporateM (Talk) 21:12, 19 October 2014 (UTC)
- Moved refs to body. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:33, 20 October 2014 (UTC)
Early history
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William Jenkins
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- A lot of the second half of this section I think is not written in an encyclopedic tone and needs could be better integrated with the rest of the content. I might take a crack at copyeditng and moving things around if you don't mind, because I think it would be hard to explain precisely what I mean. CorporateM (Talk) 21:44, 17 October 2014 (UTC)
- OK; have copyedited and checked for tone.
- "prosperity" What do you mean by this? Large, consistent profit margins, or... CorporateM (Talk) 21:17, 19 October 2014 (UTC)
- Changed to 'profit'. See table.
- "efficiency" Does the source say anything more specific about how we brought about efficiency? CorporateM (Talk) 21:22, 19 October 2014 (UTC)
- Careful financial management. Cited.
- "For this purpose it created the Angle Mills on a sixteen-acre site. These mills could produce 1500 tons of angles, bars and girders per week" - this sentence uses "the" (singular) but "These Mills" suggests plural. A bit confused. CorporateM (Talk) 21:40, 19 October 2014 (UTC)
- Reworded.
- "at Crookhall" - is this a city? CorporateM (Talk) 21:43, 19 October 2014 (UTC)
- Linked.
- can we take "infirmary" out of quotes? CorporateM (Talk) 21:46, 19 October 2014 (UTC)
- Done.
- "Contemporaries regarded [Jenkins] as being particularly shrewd in two respects: in his judgement of what was profitable business, and in his choice of men for managerial posts." I'm not sure I understand this quote... CorporateM (Talk) 22:01, 19 October 2014 (UTC)
- Added a gloss.
- "had been sub-manager" was "sub-manager" his actual title? CorporateM (Talk) 22:02, 19 October 2014 (UTC)
- He progressed from being a chemist, a blastfurnace manager and eventually General Manager after Jenkins.Wilson, p203 Said 'a manager'.
- "He reconstructed Consett Iron Company in 1903–1909 at a cost of £750,000" what is meant by reconstructed? CorporateM (Talk) 22:05, 19 October 2014 (UTC)
- Extended the description of Ainsworth's time.
- "until his death in 1920." Needs a source CorporateM (Talk) 22:05, 19 October 2014 (UTC)
- Done.
Twentieth century
[edit]- Can we get some conversion numbers (to modern currency values) in parentheses? CorporateM (Talk) 22:20, 17 October 2014 (UTC)
- Done.
was wealthy enoughUnneeded editorializing CorporateM (Talk) 22:20, 17 October 2014 (UTC)
- Done.
- I think it could be merged into fewer paragraphs and copyediting to improve the flow. CorporateM (Talk) 22:20, 17 October 2014 (UTC)
- Done.
- The very last paragraph has a really long run-on sentence and needs copyediting/re-writing. CorporateM (Talk) 22:20, 17 October 2014 (UTC)
- Done.
External links
[edit]- The number of external links seems excessive. Could some of these be integrated as references? CorporateM (Talk) 16:52, 17 October 2014 (UTC)
- Done.
- Would suggest "Further reading" rather than "Bibliography" as a bibliography usually refers to works published by the article-subject, as oppose to works about them. CorporateM (Talk) 16:53, 17 October 2014 (UTC)
- Done.
Final review
[edit]- "On 4 April 1864, after operating for several years under the threat of bankruptcy, a new Consett Iron Company Ltd was formed[5][6] with capital of £400,000, which was divided into 40,000 shares priced initially at £10 each,[2]:2 with J. Priestman as managing director; two local Members of Parliament, Henry Fenwick and John Henderson, were among the directors." Can we break this up into 3 sentences to avoid a run-on. CorporateM (Talk) 15:32, 26 October 2014 (UTC)
- Done.
- "n 1938, the company helped to found" How did it help found it? CorporateM (Talk) 15:36, 26 October 2014 (UTC)
- With financing.
- "resulting in an unemployment rate of 35%," in that area? CorporateM (Talk) 15:46, 26 October 2014 (UTC)
- In Consett. Chiswick Chap (talk) 16:05, 26 October 2014 (UTC)