Talk:Conner Cappelletti/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 20:37, 10 January 2020 (UTC)

Will take on this review. MWright96 (talk) 20:37, 10 January 2020 (UTC)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Lead

• Perhaps it would be benefical to clarify Cappeletti is an association football coach and former player instead of just merely a football coach and former player

 Done, yeah, that probably would be a good idea, changed.

Early life

• How about add his date of birth in the first sentence of this section?

 Done, the sentence now reads "Cappelletti was born on January 17, 1989 in Kent, Washington..."

• Delink Germany per MOS:OVERLINK

 Done, removed.

• "he lived in Tennessee and Germany before his family settled in Madison, Alabama ahead of his sophomore year of high school." - added another comma before "Alabama" and "ahead"

 Done, added between those two words.

• "playing basketball and American football as well as association football." - more concise playing basketball, American football and Association football.

 Done, changed to your recommendation.

College and amateur

• "with the Lions going 15-3-0" - the hyphens should be replaced by en dashes

 Done, oops, good catch, changed!

• "He went on to appear in 13 matches during his junior season, notably starting in all three games" - including

 Done, changed to your recommendation.

• "and was part of Valpo teams that earned back-to-back winning seasons for the first time in program history." - close paraphrasing of the text in bold that will require a rewrite

 Done, changed the sentence to read "...and was part of Valpo squads that earned two consecutive winning seasons for the first time in the team's history.", if that removes the paraphrasing enough.

• "As a senior, however, Cappelletti hardly saw the field:" - more formal and neutral Cappelletti was chosen to play less as a senior:

 Done, changed the sentence to read "Cappelletti was chosen to play less as a senior: he appeared in just six matches for the Crusaders."

• "His lone start on the year" - of the year

 Done, changed to your recommendation.

Premier Development League

• "he took the field with Indiana Invaders, based just 51 miles (82 kilometres) from the Valpo campus." - the text in bold is not mentioned by SoccerStats.us

 Done, couldn't find any source better than directions off of Google Maps, so I removed that text entirely.

• "and trained with Major League Soccer club Kansas City Wizards.[14][3]" - the refs should be in numerical order

 Done, switched.

Later career

• "with who he would spend two seasons.[16][3]" - same issue as the second query in the Premier Development League subsection

 Done, switched.

• "Cappelletti also worked as a youth coach: he coached his former youth club, Valley FC," - as a youth coach for his former club Valley FC,

 Done, changed to your recommendation.

• "Although the club didn't begin" - typo; did not

 Done, corrected.

International career

• "He made his Guamanian debut on November 6, 2016," - The EAFF match report does not explicity mention Cappelletti's international debut. The "Lane United's Cappelletti Earns Guam Call-up" article from USLLeagueTwo.com does and needs to be used to verify this portion of text

 Done, added that citation to this section of text (while retaining it up above).

• "Cappelletti appeared in all three of Guam's matches at the tournament, but would never again be called up by his country." - better and more neutral and was not called up by the country.

 Done, changed to your recommendation.

Coaching career

• All records such as 5-9-0, 6-6-3, 5-4-5 and 16-18-9 should have their hyphens replaced by en dashes

 Done, replaced all with en dashes.

• "in Cappelletti's first season in charge, but rebounded to go" - a better and more neutral word recovering

 Done, changed to your recommendation.

• "they wound up finishing second and qualified" - more formal; ended

 Done, changed to your recommendation.

References

• Reference 5 should include the page number that the story is located on along with the volume and issue of the newspaper that is front on the cover

 Done, added this information to the citation.

Overall there are some issues concerning the verifiability of content that does not have the correct attached to it and some problems with the grammar in the prose. Will put the review on hold for the time being. MWright96 (talk) 16:52, 11 January 2020 (UTC)

@MWright96: I've addressed all of your concerns on this article, just the one rewrite in the College and amateur section that might still need some scrutiny. Thanks for taking this one on as well (to go with Álvaro Betancourt earlier this week!) Keskkonnakaitse (talk) 16:52, 12 January 2020 (UTC)

@Keskkonnakaitse: Better now. Am promoting to GA class. MWright96 (talk) 20:12, 12 January 2020 (UTC)