Talk:Computer City (song)/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 01:13, 17 April 2016 (UTC)
Infobox
[edit]- If the B-side track is called "Perfume", it must be in quotation marks
Lead
[edit]Paragraph 1
[edit]- "was described as a..." → "is a..."
Paragraph 2
[edit]- I would remove "from their album and their career" as it is a bit redundant
- "Kazuaki Seki; it features the girls..." → "Kazuaki Seki and features the girls..."
Background and composition
[edit]Paragraph 1
[edit]- Change "him" to "Nakata" in the second sentence
- Yes, "Perfume" is in quotation marks here so change it in the infobox as well please
Paragraph 2
[edit]- If there is a maxi CD of "Computer City", shouldn't it be included below in the "Track listings" section?
- "Musically, "Computer City" is a technopop song, influenced by electronic music."
- Add "Similarly," before "a staff editor at CD Journal labelled the songs composition as "addictive technopop"."
Critical response
[edit]- Songwriting is one word
- "they compliemted the song's "pop catchy" melody and its lyrical content."
- I would change Amazon Japan to just Amazon since they're practically the same thing and there isn't a separate page for Amazon Japan since it's not notable enough
- Each "review" for the track starts with "A reviewer from [...] was positive in their review [...] they stated..." Can you change this up a little bit? Perhaps start with the reviewer's company, then state the reviewer and then state if he/she was favorable or enjoyed the track, etc.?
Commercial performance
[edit]- "group" → "group's"
- What do you mean by "It lasted week"?
- Again, "group" → "group's"
- The last sentence seems a bit unnecessary and the source could be moved to the previous sentence
Promotion and live performances
[edit]Paragraph 1
[edit]- Reword the first sentence to: ""Computer City" was used for a Japanese commercial promoting the television show Tokyo Brigade."
- Move the aforementioned sentence towards the end of this section and retitle the section to "Music video and live performances" since it would be better fitted as so
Paragraph 2
[edit]- "group" → "group's" because of ownership
- "group" → "group's"
- "group" → "group's"
- Reword the last sentence to: "The song was performed on their 2009 Budoukan Tour in Japan, and eventually included on the tour's live on October 15, 2008."
Paragraph 3
[edit]- "group" → "group's"
- The mention of "segments" is very unnecessary unless you provide a detailed view of the tour's segments, please do some tidying up here so this section doesn't sound so repetitive
Track listing
[edit]- Pluralize the section title since there are multiple formats please
- Also, if you include the maxi CD you mentioned above, please add a colspan to this section to condense it
Credits and personnel
[edit]- Change "parent" to the actual name of the album
- What are the things mentioned in parentheses? If they are nicknames, they aren't necessary
- Record label is not necessary here
Chart and sales
[edit]- Pluralize title to include "Charts and sales" please
References
[edit]- These all look good; great!
End of GA Review:
[edit]Another good article with some minor issues that need some attention. I will be placing it on hold so CaliforniaDreamsFan can look over my recommendations. Thanks, Carbrera (talk) 02:10, 17 April 2016 (UTC)
- @Carbrera: Done and dusted! Regarding the Music video and live performances sub-section, you might wanna re-read that bit again because I've changed it to be a bit more concise, and not repetitive. Let me know if there is anything else. Cheers, CaliforniaDreamsFan (talk · contribs} 03:02, 17 April 2016 (UTC)