Talk:Clock Tower (1995 video game)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cognissonance (talk · contribs) 21:45, 25 October 2016 (UTC)

Cool, it's set in Norway. Cognissonance (talk) 21:45, 25 October 2016 (UTC)

Lead

• "The plot quickly takes a dark turn with the introduction of the game's antagonist, Scissorman, as he kills one of the other children" — WP:POV: "With the introduction of Scissorman, the game's antagonist, one of the other children is killed".
  • Done
• "Jennifer then must explore" — Improve wording: "Jennifer must then explore".
  • Done
• "leading to one of the game's multiple endings. The game utlizes" — Minimize repetition: "leading to one of multiple endings. Clock Tower utlizes".
  • Done
• "Jennifer's movements were constructed from a woman in Human's planning division acting out the scenes" may be followed with a sentence explaining that her design was inspired by Jennifer Connelly's character in Phenomena.
  • Done
• "considered a forerunner to other horror video games" — Improve wording: "considered a predecessor to other horror video games".
  • Done
• Mention criticism.
  • Done

Infobox

• "cover art" — Replace with "box art" for accuracy.
  • Done

Gameplay

• "Jennifer can walk and run, although running will reduce her stamina. She can recover her stamina by sitting on the floor" — Improve prose: "Jennifer can walk and run, although running will reduce her stamina, in which case she may recover her stamina by sitting on the floor".
  • Done
• "Jennifer can also investigate many objects in the game. Some objects can be stored as inventory for later use" — Minimize repetition and improve prose: "In addition to interacting with objects in the game, Jennifer can also store them as inventory for later use".
  • Done
• "may begin to trip and slow down and possibly be killed" — Improve prose: "may begin to trip, slow down and eventually be killed".
  • Done
• "which may allow them to escape" — Minimize repetition: "which allows them an attempt to escape".
  • Done
• "it is game over and the game returns to the title screen with an option to continue the game" — Minimize repetition: "it is game over, returning the player to the title screen with an option to continue".
  • Done

Plot

• "but she takes an unusually long time. Jennifer offers to investigate, but upon leaving the room" — Improve flow: "When they notice that she has been gone for a long time, Jennifer offers to investigate. Upon leaving the room".
  • Done
• "aptly named the Scissorman" — WP:POV: "named the Scissorman".
  • Done
• "Jennifer will either discover Simon Barrows trapped in a jail cell, or discover her father's corpse" — Improve flow: "Jennifer will either discover Simon Barrows trapped in a jail cell, or her father's corpse".
  • Done
• "Jennifer will find his death letter that tells of his account about" — Improve prose: "Jennifer will find a letter that tells of his account concerning".
  • Done
• "small, occult-looking church" — WP:POV: "small church".
  • Done
• "If the player has collected all the necessary items and clues, then Jennifer is able to gain access to the underground catacombs of the mansion" — Simplify: "She gains access to the underground catacombs of the mansion".
  • Done
• "but is shot by a threatening Mary" — WP:POV: "but is shot by Mary".
  • Done
• "This triggers an explosion that immolates Dan,[14] and Jennifer rides an elevator out of the catacombs" — Improve flow: "This triggers an explosion that immolates Dan, while Jennifer rides an elevator out of the catacombs".
  • Done
• "crows that Jennifer has helped escape earlier" — Past tense: "crows that Jennifer helped escape earlier".
  • Done
• "If Ann (or Laura) has not died yet, then this survivor reunites with Jennifer at the clock tower in the case of Ending "S". Alternative Ending A has that survivor being thrown down the tower by Mary; other actions lead to one of Endings B and C - any of which could be canonical according to the events of the next game. Because of the game's open-ended nature, the player can also discover other endings" needs to be removed. Explain what has to happen, not all the alternatives.
  • Done

Development

• "The game has strong relations" — Minimize repetition: "Clock Tower has strong relations".
  • Done
• "Human could not" — Clarify: "developer Human Entertainment could not".
  • Done
• Destructoid (source 1) also says "Although Clock Tower is a 2D game, the mansion is designed with 3D space in mind". This seems to be missing here.
  • Done

Release

• "The WonderSwan version is rendered" — Past tense: "The WonderSwan version was rendered".
  • Done
• "Clock Tower has been digitally" — Past tense: "Clock Tower was digitally".
  • Done

Reception

• "In another retrospective review," should be removed so that it isn't repeated.
  • Done
• "due to difficulty navigation the mansion" — Fix grammar: "due to the difficulty of navigating the mansion".
  • Done
• "which created confusion when navigating" — Minimize repetition: "which created confusion when exploring".
  • Done

Legacy

• survival horror — Link to Survival horror
  • Done

External links

• Add [[Category:Fiction with alternate endings]]
  • Done

Overall

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall: The most glaring offences are the prose and occasional lack of neutral point of view. Putting it on hold until all the concerns are met.

   Pass/Fail:

   @TarkusAB: Cognissonance (talk) 10:05, 26 October 2016 (UTC)

   @Cognissonance: Thanks for your comments. I am now much more aware of WP:POV. :) All concerns have been addressed. TarkusAB 04:50, 28 October 2016 (UTC)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

   Pass/Fail:

   @TarkusAB: Cognissonance (talk) 05:10, 28 October 2016 (UTC)