Talk:Clifton Hall, Cumbria/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: SlimVirgin (talk · contribs) 21:22, 3 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Checklist

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	I'll start reading through this and will leave comments over the next few days. SlimVirgin ^(talk) 21:24, 3 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.	Passed

Discussion

Clifton Hall is, or was, a manor house?

Gone for "as"

Suggestion: Clifton Hall was a fortified manor house in the village of Clifton, Cumbria, England. Dating from around 1400, it was constructed by either Elianor Engaine or her son-in-law William Wybergh, and was held by the Wybergh family until the 19th century.

Like it - changed as suggested. Hchc2009 (talk) 14:56, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I would give dates for the people on first reference, where known. Emery says Elianor Engaine (d. 1412)
Suggestion: I would split the lead into two paragraphs, the second one beginning "The Wyberghs were able to retain ..."

Agree, done. Hchc2009 (talk) 14:56, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

the family and the hall was caught up --> the family and the hall were caught up

Changed. Hchc2009 (talk)

Would it not be better to call it a house, rather than a hall, when discussing the whole structure? (i.e., the family and the house were caught up)

Agree. Hchc2009 (talk) 14:56, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

the hall is in the care of English Heritage and operated as a tourist attraction --> the hall is in the care of English Heritage and operates as a tourist attraction.

fixed. Hchc2009 (talk) 14:56, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

the house has gone, so it's the remaining tower that's in the care of English Heritage

Agree, but I think that's what the sentence says (NB: if I've got the wrong bit and missed something, please say!) Hchc2009 (talk) 14:56, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

the older timber-framed one (hyphen)

Fixed. Hchc2009 (talk) 14:56, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I would tweak this sentence: "He was fined by Parliament as a Royalist "delinquent" in 1652, and mortgaged the surrounding manor, but not the hall itself or the lands immediately to the north, for £846 to Sir John Lowther" --> "He was fined by Parliament as a Royalist "delinquent" in 1652, and mortgaged the surrounding manor to Sir John Lowther for £846, but not the hall itself or the lands immediately to the north."

Much better - changed. Hchc2009 (talk) 14:56, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

providing an addition service room --> providing an additional service room

Fixed. Hchc2009 (talk) 14:56, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Few of the original windows survive in the tower, but those that remain are larger than in some of the other older peles". Might be worth clarifying that it doesn't have the slit windows pele towers have. Arrowslit might be appropriate to link to. SlimVirgin ^(talk) 01:00, 4 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Not so sure about that one. I don't think all pele towers had slit windows. Hchc2009 (talk) 14:56, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

That's fine; it's up to you. SlimVirgin ^(talk) 18:59, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I've put this on hold for now. SlimVirgin ^(talk) 00:01, 7 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Hchc, those changes look fine. It's a very nicely written article, and I enjoyed reading it, so it's good to go. SlimVirgin ^(talk) 18:59, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]